Get Rich Quick - A letter to GCHQ

In this day and age everyone is looking for a way to make a few pounds on the side. Let’s face it, we could all do with a couple of extra quid, what with easter just round the corner, and I think I’ve cracked it! (pun definitely intended).

Here is an email I have sent to the boys at GCHQ.

Feel free to copy and paste and send your own version to them if you fancy getting on board what I think is going to be a bloody gold mine!

Dear GCHQ.

Hello, how are you. I am fine (but you probably know that already! – (hahaha)

I am writing to you today with an offer than is too good to be true.

These days the news if full of potential terrorists and filthy criminals that are getting cleverer and harder to catch. I think it would be a good idea if you were to employ people like me to go around and find them for you.

It’s all well and good hacking into peoples emails and text messages and the like, but what about those evil do-ers who are not using emails or are on Vodaphone and can’t get a signal to send a text?

There is a huge gap in the market of stopping crimes and I think I have the solution.

What we need are feet on the street* or more importantly EYES on the prize**

Here is my idea.

I am willing to rent out my peripheral vision to you guys for a small fee so that you can see if any wrong doing is occurring in my vicinity.

I can walk around town “not” looking for criminals but if one of them walks past me, you will be able to see tham without me drawing attention to myself.

Imagine the scene, if you will. There I am just minding my own business not being suspicious or anything when, out of the corner of my eye, some looks a bit odd. Because I am NOT looking directly at a group of potential criminals (I am in fact looking at a shop window, Greggs perhaps or another shop) you in your HQ can press print screen and see what it is that is going on. If it is a crime or a terrorist then the SAS boys can swoop in and stop the crime. If it is nothing to worry about – there’s no harm done.

I have worked out that this can save hundreds of thousands of pounds every year and I offer this service for the small fee of just £30 a day. (this can be negotiated as required).

This would save you time and money and increase our chances of stopping crime before it happens.

I’m not sure if the technology exists as yet, but there are things like Google Glasses on the market, so it can’t be that hard to sort out.

I have attached a picture to show how it would work.

I hope this email finds you well and please don’t nick my idea.

Cheers.

Bumf.

*I am copy writing that phrase btw!

**I think this one has already been taken  - worst luck!

Hopefully I will hear from the Spying community soon…. Or find myself in a cold dark windowless cell.

Only time will tell.