Bumf's Birthday Poem.

Saturday was my birthday.

I have one every year.

People send me cards and gifts

and wish me merry cheer.


But it seems they just don't know me well

because I'm a proper old git.

There's something about a birthday card

that, to me, just doesn't fit.


A mass manufactured piece of paper

with picture of a train.

Says more about them than it does about me.

It drives me quite insane.


I have no love of public transport.

It does nothing at all for me.

Nor do cats or birthdays cakes

Or jokes that just aren't wi-tty.


I think they are a waste of money.

I'd rather have the cash.

Because cards just get thrown away

with the rest of the recycling trash.


Birthday cards are lazy.

They are full of someone elses words.

I suppose it's better than when the postman delivers

A box of steaming turds*



* I don't think it's the postman doing himself, but rather a jealous ex or an unknown nemesis - further investigation is required..