Review Of The Year 2012 (part 2)

2012 has been one heck of year for me.

Look into the eyes of cold hearted killing
 machine. (see bottom for more details)

There has been quite a lot going on.

At first I thought not much had happened but as I began to strum on my harp (integral for remembering past events) I realised that this has been a very busy one.

With that said, I would like to share some of the highlights that have aged me by more than one year in the past year.

In no particular order (because I can’t quite remember what happened when) and in a “It’ll be alright on the night” style montage, here are the more memorable bits.

Mrs H fell over and broke her ankle back in June. When I say Broke try to imagine a crate full of light bulbs being fired out of a canon and hitting a brick wall made of giant fists. Her foot exploded into a million pieces and she spent the next 5 months sat on the sofa frowning at me while I typed stupid rubbish for this here blog. Whilst bed ridden I was forced to the spare room where my only company was a draft from the window and an energy saving light bulb that as we all know are as much use a normal light bulb that has been shot from a canon into a brick wall made of giant fists.

Ouch!

She is now back at work and I have the opportunity to mash the keyboard and copy and paste whatever gibberish appears on screen for your viewing pleasure. – you are welcome.

I made the great leap into being a proper grown up by passing my driving test FIRST TIME!!!

This came as a massive surprise to me as did part by driving in the wrong direction! Hahahahahahaha.

When the Queen was celebrating her Diamond Jubilee we here at the camp site had a street party and did something I am quite proud of and have only just realised I haven’t gloated about so far on this blog….

We set a world record!

Spot the celebrity Guest!

That’s right. A genuine Guinness world record!

The record itself is for the most people in different locations wearing paper hats at the same time.

Granted, it’s not the four minute mile or jumping up the highest, like what they did at the Olympics, but a proper world record has been set and that’s good enough for me.

We also had a special guest to oversee proceedings… see if you can see who is was on the picture above!

I have also been interviewed for the Caravan Channel AND the BBC radio this year, as well as having BBC Shropshire pop down to film the snow and campers when we had 2mm of front back in March.

The BBC and some snow. Proper news!

All in all it’s been a very busy year and Quite frankly I’ll be glad once it’s all over.

I probably won’t be writing much over the next couple of weeks as things are set to get very busy over the Xmas/ New year period on site.

I have somehow got to find room for 10 extra people in my house which is on bricks for new year and the campers will be coming in droves to help us celebrate the new year in our newly built barn.

If I don’t see you before then, May I wish you all a very happy winter festival period and a prosperous New year. May the idiots stay quiet and the nutters have a night off.

Stay safe.

Here’s to a very quiet 2013. Good luck to you all in whatever you do and see you on the other side.

These things EAT £1,000's worth of plants each season.
 THEY ARE VERMIN! good boy Wilson!

Normal grumpy service will continue and shockingly vast amounts in 2013.

The Year In Review 2012 (part 1)

Google has just announced various lists from each country about the most searched references for the year that will forever be known as 2012.

You can view a more in depth view here - http://www.google.com/zeitgeist/2012/#united-kingdom

But for those of you who can not be bothered. Here is a summery of what a shambles we are as a nation.

For a larger image... Make your bloody own.

It appears that, as a whole, we want to find hotels in London where we can learn to kiss and ask Jeremy Hunt what love is whilst synchronised swimming wearing our Stella McCartney swim wear in order to get in shape for our holiday in Rio de Janeiro where we will learn to draw Whitney Houston and the Queen scoring goals at the Euro 2012 football.

Does this bare any resemblance to you? Are you guilty of watching that Gangham video thing (I must admit I think I am the only person in the world who DOESN'T know what it is)? If you are, please go and stand in the naughty corner and prepare to miss out on 2013.

It's people like you who allowed the Talking Frog to get to number 1 across the world.

Do you want that again?

DO YOU!?!?!?!



Part two of the year in review will be published on Thursady - just in time for the end of the world!!!!

How the 2012 Olympics and royal wedding will cause the ultimate breakdown of YOUR relationship

This is a very serious warning to you.

Hello you.

Yes. You.

You are going to die a sad and solitary broken loser.

More of that later - but first.....

........It’s almost time to dust off the union flag and wave it about like a monkey begging for nuts... forget the royal wedding - for now. . its ‘cos the ‘limpic games are almost here (solitary party popper – pops) and the fun is just about to start.
First we shall take a look at the all important games that are listed on the London2012 website.

For those who aren’t sure what the exact discipline involves I have put a handy translation of what each event involves and how you the great British yob have helped to shape our chances at gold.


ARCHERY – throwing sharp stuff

ATHLETICS – running away after throwing sharp stuff at the police.

BADMINTON – swatting flies from your heavily pregnant girlfriend who hasn’t shifted her fat arse off the sofa since that 24 hour Jeremy Kyle marathon started.

BASKETBALL - netball

BEACH VOLLEYBALL – throwing the ball back to next-door kids over and over again, honestly if they do it one more time I’m going put a knife threw it.

BOXING - what next doors kids step dad does when he finds out you popped his kid’s ball.

CANOE SALALOM - dicking about on the canal

CANOE SPRINT - dicking about on the canal when the lifeguard starts yelling at you

CYCLING BMX - get away vehicle for young ASBOs.

CYCLING MOUNTAIN BIKE - getaway vehicle for ASBOs in the peak district

CYCLING ROAD - getaway vehicle for ASBOs on YOUR Street

CYCLING TRACK - why do they keep riding up and down OUR Street? They don’t even live here?!?

DIVING - football without the ball

EQUESTRIAN DRESSAGE - best pantomime horse

EQUESTRIAN EVENTING - god knows what this involves but i bet its on after the watershed....

EQUESTRIAN JUMPING - scarring a pantomime horse

FENCING - stabbing a mofo for dissing yo be-ach

FOOTBALL - the game millionaires play quite badly at times, especially when it matters.
GYMNASTICS ARTISTIC- big fish

GYMNASTICS RHYTHMIC - little fish

GYMNASTICS TRAMPOLINE - cardboard box

HANDBALL - cheating at football?

HOCKEY - girls cricket

JUDO - pub fighting in pyjamas

MODERN PENTATHLON - erm....

ROWING - bit like canoeing

SAILING - environmentally sustainable wankfest

SHOOTING - wish I had a gun, that’d stop them bloody kids on bikes...

SWIMMING - very slow drowning

SYNCHRONISED SWIMMING - very slow drowning but together

TABLE TENNIS - what them kids on bikes should be doing if they hadn’t burnt that bloody youth club down... I blame the parents.

TAEKWONDO - like ronseal wood stain only cheaper

TENNIS - bigger flies round your missus’s fat gut cos now its Trisha re-runs and/or loose women.

TRIATHLON - three legged race

VOLLEYBALL - exactly the same as beach volley ball only you probably won’t bother watching the ladies version of this will you – pervert.
WATER POLO - pointless game made harder by having to swim still. Stupid.

WEIGHTLIFTING - who can knick the biggest HD ready TV from Comet

WRESTLING - beating up the security guard at Comet.

These are the main events in the latest Olympics next year. I think I will be busy doing something more productive than sat in front of a 50 inch 3D high definition surround sound mega quality goggle box, staring at people who are far superior in physical strength and mental readiness with goals and aspirations for greatness in their chosen field while the E numbers and colouring from the cheesy bites begin to stain my fingers like a 40 a day woodbine smoker.

I might read a classic novel or do a spot of gardening.

I Hope that makes some kind of recognisable sense to you oiks out there.
It’s in your hands now. The man in charge wants you to start to enjoy things like the Olympics and the royal wedding and Red nose bloody day and all that mind numbing gibberish by offering you bank holidays.

Bank holidays that are clubbed together so that you can't actually afford to do much on any given official holiday.

One bank holiday?
Lets go away for the weekend and rekindle that lost spark in our romance darling?

Two bank holiday in a month?
Lets go out with friends. they can come to ours for the first and we can go to their house the next. It'll be like doing our own version of come dine with me hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Three bank holidays with a four week period?
Sorry darling im going out the lads on the first one for an all day drinking binge, then the second and third im working overtime because i will have spent all the rent on the first weekend. So on the next government issue holiday i will just want to crash in front of the TV and watch rubbish all day.

Any more than this and it would most definatly cause the breakdown of even the hardiest of relationships.

Be very careful come May this year.

Do not forget some of work on every single bank holiday of the year. enjoy yours to the fullest but for the love of God don't fall into the trap Dave and Co. have set up.

The Olympic games are just over a year away.
Now is the time to prepare!

Dig out that old Monopoly set, arrange a BBQ a street party - give birth ANYTHING BUT THIS HORRIFIC OUTCOME NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooo..........

Good Evening.