The Results Are In (finally)

The results are in.

I didn't do very well.

Or to put it another way – you lot are just as rubbish at picking horses as I am.

The racing results from Tuesday (including one from today because the race was abandoned due to bad weather) have been finalised and I am too ashamed to show you my final balance but suffice to say it looks as healthy as a one eyed three legged puppy with the mange. 

All together I have won a total of £1.08 from £1.46 of bets resulting in a loss of 38p.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I only bet in pennies and not pounds or even more.

38 pence has allowed me to dream, just for one moment, of winning big and beating the odds. I didn’t beat the odds, but I had the chance.

I could have won £102 but I will take the £1.08 because that is £1.08 more than nothing.

“Ah! But Bumf, if you hadn’t bothered to put the bet on in the first place you wouldn’t have lost anything.” I hear you say… and you would be right.

But then I wouldn’t have had the chance to win anything and ultimately THAT is what is important.

I think?

Anyway, I hope this little experiment has shown you that gambling is for idiots. Idiots like me.

I strongly urge you all not to get into betting because there is only ever one winner – the bookie.

Maybe I should start being a bookie. I’ve got a flat cap already so I’m half way there.

*insert sad face*

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-pt pt pt zzzzzzz.

Hello and sorry.

It’s been exactly two weeks since my last post.

It has been two weeks since you last had to endure the continuing spiral of despair that is my blog.

The irrelevant and off-kilter randomness and general downright self inflicted anger at the universe has caused my laptop, and life in general, to take a little side step in the goings on in my world.

Nothing’s wrong though. Don’t worry. I’m not dying. (that I know of....)

What with the bank holiday, which kept me very busy, Mrs H having yet another birthday (I’m sure she had only last year!) and visits from friends and family over the past few weeks I have not really had the chance to sit still long enough to get fed up at things.

Fear not – I am still fed up with the world.

But as busy as I have been, that is no excuse.

So here is my excuse....

It’s my laptop.

I believe the technical term for the issues I am suffering from is called Onitsarse.

Onitsarse can be a severe mechanical breakdown of thingys and whatsits.

When the thingys that controls the doo-dahs are not correctly aligned the specific 

Whatdoyoucall’ems become overheated and create a paradox or paradigm or parallelogram.

There are two specific parts known as Whatdoesthisthingdo. One of them is missing and the other is so coated in dust I dare not touch it for fear of it simply evaporating like an ancient parchment.

The bearded chap in the computer shop laughed at me when I explained the problem and so I walked out.

Moreover than this, the physical problems that continue to exasperate themselves in terms of hardware now make impossible for me to be on the computer for more than 15 minutes at a time. This is mainly due to the dirty looks I get from Mrs H who can’t watch her cooking/murder/vampire shows over the constant rattle of the fan or me swearing at the screen because of the fire hazard that sits on my lap.

So there you go. That’s my excuse. It’s a piss poor one I know. But it’s the best you’re going to get.... until I raid the piggy bank and buy a new pc.

The chances are I won’t be able to post over the next week or two either, which is a shame because there are more TV camera crews due next week and more excitingly than that – We have a new supplier of local ice creams and they really are flipping stunning.

Oh yes, and I’m popping back OOP NORTH for a couple of days for my birthday to meet up with friends.

I’m now turning the laptop off to give it chance to cool down and rub some cream on my legs.

Carry on the good work without me – I’ll only slow you down.

Cheers.

Bumf.