It's Not Easy Being a God

Next to my chair, where only I am allowed to sit, is a small table with a secret drawer (don't tell anyone).

Inside this draw are various hidden gems and treasures.

Amongst the many forgotten delights I recently re-discovered a computer disk.

blowing off the dust I found the words CIVILISATION 5 written upon the top and a very rare smile spread across my face.

I'm not one for playing computer games, but I have always loved the Civilisation games.

For those not familiar with the franchise, Civilisation is a strategy game where the player begins in the year 3000BC, or there abouts, with nothing but a group of settlers and through the process of discovering technologies, adopting social traits, defending against barbarians and other computer controlled empires, you must try to build a future for your citizens.

War - HUH - What is it good for?

It's not always an easy task. 

For example, I am currently in heated talks with the Celts who claim I am building on lands that they believe is rightfully theirs (the idiots).

Meanwhile, the German Empire is constantly trying to goad me into declaring war against the Mongols who I am reluctant to wage war with as they have quite the large army near my boarders already.

Not only this, but the filthy Byzantiums have sent their spies to steal technology from my city capital city.

The Ottomans are still no threat after their failed attempt to capture my cities on the west coast of our shared land and are of no threat... for now.

Boom!!!!

Beyond this, I have recently discovered a huge landmass with untouched resources and I am currently in a race against time to claim as much land as I can before anyone else tries to settle a city there.

It's a land full of roaming hordes of vicious barbarians who continue to pillage my newly built farm lands and mines... the animals.

As the ages pass by, this new world is becoming more and more crowded. 

My population is precariously poised to revolt if I can not appease them by building a Wonder of the World or at the very least negotiate a  trade deal for some luxury items like gems or silk with another race, although it is getting harder to find friends in this world as I have, through no good reason, gained a reputation as being... and I quote "A blood thirsty warlord" - The bloody cheek.

I have not started a single war in over 1500 years ... some people just won't it lie!

It's not easy being an immortal God to my people. But in the name of the almighty Bumf, I shall prevail.

EDIT: Since writing this post, I have destroyed the Celts as they were involved in trying to gain support from other nations to wage war on my people.

This in turn led to the Dutch capturing one of the Celts cities to the north (which is naughty) So I took them to task and now control their land as well.

This caused the Germans to denounce me as a ruthless warlord, Which is fair as I did take things a bit far.

My peoples are very happy about this. It seems that my loyal subjects are psychopathic maniacs who love nothing more than the taste of their enemies blood on their lips.

If anything is to be learnt from this, it is that you mess with the King of England.... I have spies EVERYWHERE!!!!

Star trek: part one.

Being a geek means I am legally obliged to enjoy Star Trek.


Sci-fi and space and watching incredibly beautiful people whizzing through the stars on improbable starships at impossible speeds is what I enjoy.

But I have a bit of an issue when it comes to the TV (and movies) of Star Trek.

WARNING: THIS POST IS GOING TO GET A BIT HEAVY ON GEEKDOM FROM HERE ON IN. YOU REGRET READING FURTHER IF YOU DON'T ENJOY SCIENCE FICTION.

Star trek, and it's associated spin shows all have one thing in common.

For those that don't know, Star Trek is a show set in the 24th century where mankind has given up on and the selfish pursuit of money and greed in search of a more enlightened quest for knowledge and adventure.

This is highlighted by the opening credits monologue made famous by Captain Kirk.

"Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. It's (5 year) mission; to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilisations. To boldly go where no man has gone before."

All very inspiring and exciting I'm sure you would agree.

There is a problem, however.

While the show centres around Humans and various other alien cultures working together for the common good, there is (in every spin off series) an undercurrent that all is not well in this utopian future.

Following various themes of hate, racism, denial of life, ignorance, the pursuit of trade agreements over the needs of the people there are many examples of how the Federation of Planets are not the enlightened people we are lead to believe.

While some of these issues are highlighted as wrong and corrected by our intrepid crew, there are just as many, if not more, occasions where moral injustice is simply shrugged off or not dealt with in any real way.

Just underneath the surface of our ultimate desires as a species, we are shown a filthy, manipulative and hateful side of humanity which seems to have spread across the galaxy into the lives of other aliens peoples.

Here, for your consideration, are some of the episode that left me feeling cold. Highlighting some, or all of the horrific tropes above in each and every of these select episodes, as much as I like Start trek, alarm bell rings whenever I see these episodes.

TOS: Errand of Mercy

TOS: A private little war

TOS: Patterns of force

TOS: The Omega Glory

TOS: The Empath

TOS: Elaan of Troyius

TOS: The Mark of Gideon

TOS: The Cloud Minders

TNG: Justice

TNG: Angel One

TNG: Symbiosis

TNG: Pen Pals

TNG: Up the long ladder

TNG: The Ensigns of Command

TNG: The Survivors

TNG: Who watches the Watchers

TNG: The Hunted

TNG: The High Ground

TNG: The Offspring (one amongst many that shows the federation elite is a hateful racist ignorant group)

TNG: season three.....

Lordy Lordy .... Even I'm bored now.

The point is there are loads of examples of the crew of the Enterprise buggering about, disregarding the rules, and/or screwing over the little guy for their own selfish needs.

A couple of other HUGE examples are the spin off series.....


THE ENTIRE PREMISE FOR DEEP SPACE NINE: A planet that wants to be independent but "required" the help of the Federation due the occupation from another hostile race.
The Federation took control of a space station (renamed it Deep Space 9) and refused to leave once they discovered there was a wormhole within spitting distance of the planet.

Which leads us to the main conflict of the crew during the VOYAGER series, where a crew, stranded on the other side of the Galaxy is made up of Federation and "Maquis"... the Maquis being made up of federation citizens who were against the federations tactics during the Occupation of the Bajoran home world.

The pricks.

I am a massive geek I know. But I will not apologise for it.

Anyone who wants to disagree shall receive a Vulcan death grip through the post.

Next week: Where the Great British Bake got it wrong!

There Is A Difference Between Men And Women.

There are many differences between men and women, not least their names. But other differences do present themselves from time to time.

This very week in fact some major differences between myself and Mrs H have shown themselves quiet clearly.

Here is a list of some of things I have noticed that separate me and “her in doors”

My hobbies include, amongst other things writing this here blog, while typing away Mrs H is watching a program about time travelling Dinosaurs.

I enjoy a bit of sci-fi. Nothing wrong with that. I am a geek after all, however, I like to think that my tastes are a little more high brow that of my partner. While she enjoys shows about vampires, films about vampires and book about vampires, I can’t stand them.

Crying vampires, Emo vampires, vampires that don’t want to be vampires anymore but have a destiny to fulfil, vampires that are good guys endlessly talking about how vampires are just misunderstood all the way through to vampire shows that are just a cheap excuse for a couple of boob shots per episode. She likes vampires.

I do not. I prefer films with car chases, explosions and any sign of a talking dog with attitude is always an added bonus.

I am a geek. So is Mrs H. but different types of geek. For example, she is playing on Facebook games right now. Bubble witch. A game which involves hitting bubbles of colours into one another.

I am downloading a load of TED talks about math and science and technology.

You see, DIFFERENT style of geekdom.

Other differences include our musical tastes. While Mrs H is making a play list for holiday consisting of Iron maiden, Mega death, Telsa, poison and the like, my i-pod is chock full of Phil Collins, Paul Simon and well…. I’ve said enough on my tastes in music.

Mrs H likes to include on her list of hobbies the act of shouting at me, telling me off for typing too loudly, and getting in the way.

Apparently, according to Mrs H anyway, my hobbies include getting in the way, doing things wrong on purpose and being generally rubbish. I can’t disagree.

Anyway, the reason I am telling you this is because we are about to go on holiday (the first in three years) to a country where nobody else speaks English and will be forced to spend a whole two weeks in each others company without any other outside influences and there is sunshine (wowzers!!)

We fly on Monday. One of us may not return….. probably me.

Is it a Bird...?

I have a confession to make.

I am a comic book geek.

Not just a comic book geek, but a sci-fi geek et al.

I love nothing more than the escapism of watching a spaceship/metahuman/mutant and any other kind of silliness fly/change shape/save the world/destroy mankind in almost any form.

Books, films, tv shows, toys and yes... comics.

I own and read and collect comic books.

I have spent a stupid amount of money over the years on what amounts to a load of pretty pictures of men and women in tightly clad latex, flying running and grappling with each other in all the colours of the rainbow.

 I could try and justify my childish hobby with quips of how they are an investment for the future as collections of stories can fetch $$$ or even £££ in the right market.

I could pass off excuses about how good the stories are and how not all comic books are about superhero’s and some are very dramatic works of art with horrors and love stories and twists and turns and cliff hangers galore.

But in the end they are cartoon books.

But I am not ashamed of this hobby. No sir-ee.

It’s just another layer to mysterious onion that is me.

However, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today.

Because I read comics I often find that I feel that I want or even need in some cases my own theme tune.

Dur Dur Duuur!!

Superman has one.

Batman has one as well.

Even Spiderman has his own Spiderman tune and he is rubbish.

I was thinking of trailing one out here on my blog. One that would play out whenever people came along and read my thoughts.

Unfortunately, I am the wrong kind of geek. As a comic book geek I am incapable of being a computer geek (it’s some unwritten law or something) and therefore am unable to figure out how or even if it is possible to have a fanfare blare out automatically.

Therefore I humbly ask you all, next time you read my blog please can you all hum the following tune to the best of your ability.

Here goes.

Dum-dum-dum- dadadadada daaaaaaaaaa dum dum. Dum-dum-dum- dadadadada daaaaaaaaaa dum dum  Dum-dum-dum- dadadadada daaaaaaaaaa dum dum Bada bada papapapa (wooooooh!)

It sounds better out loud than written down trust me.

Oh yes, I just want to let you all know that Mrs H has been collecting X-men books long before she snared me into her little trap and for many years before they even thought of making the films... she just so happens to love Hugh Jackman as well.

The perv.

Anyone can wear a vest... pffft.