The Most Evil People In The World Are In Your Mouth

This weekend I (or at least my voice) shall be appearing on BBC Shropshire radio.... Something about an apology I have to give... I don't know, the Judge said I had to do it... anyway why I'm mucking about on the Radio, Here is a special GUEST POST from a young man with more personality issues than your average conspiracy theorist.

TRUTH WIZARD: HENRY HUT.

Greetings Sheeple.

"Henry Hut here with an extra special post to help open your blind eyes to the truth!

Many folks will know about the death of Lion in Zimbabwe. 

Cecil, was the name he went by (although there is no evidence that he signed his name as such) and he was something of a local celebrity in those parts.

People would travel from all over the world in order to spot this majestic animal in his natural habitat.

And then in r around the 1st of July 2015, Cecil was shot with a bow and arrow and left for dead.

Some days later poachers found his body, cut his head off and peeled his skin of his body as a trophy.

Those poachers are scum. I think we can all agree on that. But they are the worst villains in this tale.

The Human who shot Cecil in the first place was none other than a man called Walter Palmer.

But causing the death of a Lion (during an illegal hunt to boot) was not the most disturbing thing Walter has ever done.

You see, Walter is a dentist.

Dentists are pure evil.

Let me explain.

There is not a single person who is of sound mind would want to spend their day prodding around another persons mouth.

Regardless of the salary, there is nothing worse than looking into another humans rotten gob.

"Oh," you might say, "what about gynaecologists?" 

That job comes a close second, with Proctology bringing up the rear..... (a-hem).

Dentists are crooks. 

There, I've said it.

They not so much "failed doctors" as incompetent vets.

The human mouth is a foul place, or so we are lead to believe.

I don't bother with the dentist. I have not been to one since I was 14 and was told that I needed a filling.

Having just witnessed my friend going through the same procedure, I came to the quick realisation that dentists are in fact sadists and only want to inflict pain on members of the public.

I never returned to the dentist and in the past 20 years I have not had a single moment of toothache, pain or anything that would require a rubber gloved sex pest to shove his fingers into the only orifice that I can use to scream "fire" or what ever it is you should shout in the event of unwanted sexual attention.
What's more, these cheeky buggers have the bare faced cheek to charge for the privilege of  shoving their greedy fat fingers INSIDE YOUR BODY!

It is a FACT* that dentists perform most of their costly procedures in the months and weeks leading up to holiday times.

If you have ever had a filling, or root canal, think about the month when it was done.

I wager it was just before the summer holidays or Christmas sales.

That's how they work. 

The slimy gits charge YOU for mouth work that is not necessary just so they can go out and buy a 5 star cruise for their mistress or buying an expensive ivory chess set or even.... pay for a trip to shoot a Lion.


Then there are the toothpaste adverts.

Why would anybody promote a product that ACTIVELY reduces the chances of you earning more money.

It doesn't make any sense.

Unless of course, Toothpaste doesn't work and instead, increases the rate of decay in your face hole.

Dentists are the most evil people in the world and you pay them look into your mouth and sneer at you for not brushing your teeth properly.


I've been HENRY HUT, Truth Wizard."


This post is dedicated to Cilla Black, who passed away recently. She gave us all a "lorra lorra" laughs!... (not saying a dentists did it, but she was famous for those teeth...)



*not an actual fact

899 words about - the "ROOT" of all evil

The dentist.

It is recommended that you visit the dentist at least once every six months. This seemingly sound advice is given by your local dentist.

It is quite common, in the UK at least, to find it very difficult to arrange an appointment to see your dentist or to make a suitable appointment.
There is a very good reason for this....

Using the Bumferry Hogart patent pending Paranoia scale of outrage and cross referencing the results with the all new and improved youcouldntmakeitup-o-matic it is quite clear that the dentist, or rather YOUR dentist is on the fiddle.
Many years ago I was told that one of my teeth needed to be extracted as it was in a bad way or ill or something.

I thought to myself “no flipping way!” that is what I thought. “If it’s coming out I’m doing it... anyway it doesn’t even hurt!”

And so, I never went back. I calculated that if my tooth did actually need to be pulled then it would be best to wait until it did hurt quite badly and then just nudge it with my tongue until the little bugger fell out, like baby teeth do.
Days turned into months and months into years and to this day I do have a single filling. All my teeth are still there – just not in the right order – and I am in no pain inside my mouth and gums what so ever.



My dentist on the other hand only managed to go on three holidays that year instead of the mandatory four minimum.

This is the reason it’s so hard to get an appointment at the mouth doctors.
They are never bloody there.

You could be sat at home unable to enjoy the bowl of salty peanuts or thick chewy toffee your other half has treated you too all because of a sharp pain at the back of your mouth. You decide that enough is enough and phone to make an appointment.
The receptionist (who has been brought in at short notice and doesn’t know how the computer works) is abrupt and surly with you on the phone. Which is not what anyone needs when they are in pain.

She makes no effort to sympathise with your ordeal and instead utters the words “what do you mean?” and “whaaaa...?” for what seems like an age.

Of course the sounds coming out of you now inflamed pie hole are nothing but the murmurs of a deranged ferret because when you try to say “can I make an appointment to see my dentist as soon as possible because I am in a huge amount of paid and need his expert advice.” What you actually say sounds a lot like “aaaaa uuurgh ferfugsake aaaaam iinnn aaaa-ooonay. Aaah neee doooo eeee da den dis baaaooow!”

After what seems like an eternity, the receptionist takes what little detail she (or he, don’t want to seem sexist and patronising now ladies eh?) can about how you NEED to see the dentist tomorrow, she (or he) informs that you that he is fully booked for the next three weeks.

Bother!

This is a lie.

Your dentist is in fact on a beach somewhere sipping cocktails and enjoying the samba beat through the distant sound of calm waves lapping at the shore.
You are banging your head against the wall in a vain attempt to sully the agonising daggers that are forever searing the flesh of your gums and jaw.

The holiday that your dentist is on was paid by the four root canals and 13 extractions he (or she – calm down) performed in the last fiscal quarter, thus allowing himself to bugger off with his normal receptionist (could be a he and/or a she in both cases... it is the 21st century y’know) and have a whale of a time at, what is quite literally, YOUR EXPENCE.

There is no proof of this and would be denied by any member of the dentistry profession but I bet, if you were to ask your dentist if he is going on holiday soon and say it with a nodding wink and a nudge – just before he has a look in your mouth next time you go for your regular check up - I bet he will give you the all clear and send you on your way through guilt.

This could have a down side...

Vaguely accusing your dentist of swindling his clients out of money on a regular basis just so he can swan off to warmer climates and have it off with the floozy on the phones may just result in you having to be put to sleep for a “very important and intrusive operation that needs to be performed right away without any delay or struggling from you, so if you would just breathe deeply Mr. Hogart.... there’s a good chap...”

Next thing I know I’m found in a skip round the back of the shops minus my pants, two whole days and two molars. In my top pocket were copies of photos of me I don’t remember posing for, especially as I don’t own any lipstick and I am allergic to cats.

If ever you needed a clearer message to understanding why it is so important to brush your teeth, then my experience won’t just have been a horrible sexual intrusion.

Carry on – carefully.