NCP car parks can sit on it and swivel!

In a break from what should have been an ongoing series of my family history, I post this evening with news that I am distraught - nay - ANGERED by the actions of a faceless corporation that have been the bane of my life for many years.

No, not the BBC (or the "BBC" as I call them), nor is it BT, ITV, JCB, TSB, MFI or even MI5.

Nope.

It is none other than the NPC. (you probably guessed from the title eh?)

For those that don't know, the NCP is a company that has the nerve to call itself the National Car Park...something other.

They are dick heads.

Ask anyone you might what they think of the NCP and they will use words such as: off, bloody, rip and right, not in that order and probably a few choice verbs thrown in for good measure.

Their car parks vary in quality and price.

The prices range from extortionate to the obscene. 

But that is not the reason I hate them.

I hate them because they have caused the closure of (along with a couple of other small businesses) my local comic book shop.

For the past 5 years since I moved away from the big city, I have relied on my local comic book shop to keep me entertained and thrilled with the weekly adventures of superheroes, secret agents and tales of horror and suspense.

From Avengers to Y: The last man (a tale of a world where only women survive except one man and his pet monkey) I have a collection of 1,000's of comics, graphic novels and the occasional figurine that clutter up my home.

It's not just me though - Mrs H is a proper full on X-Men nerd and has been since before I knew her. She's a right geek.

However, the NCP has recently given notice to the Comic shop to close down this month so they can make (the towns shittiest and most expensive) car park a bit bigger.

Nob heads.

A business that has been at its current location for the best part of a decade, with a little cafe to boot now has to move to the other side of town. During this move the shop will not able to sell its wears and so 100's of local nerds and geeks are without their regular fix of capes and red tights.

Added to this, I have found out that the next issue of Justice league (issue #42) has a massive reveal in it and could change the way folks see one of comic books biggest names!

I won't spoil it here, but if things play out as they look - it could divide comic book readers for years to come.

The NCP are greedy good for nothings for their actions.... and their terrible car aprks across the nation.

Pot holes, lack of security, over priced tiny spots too small for clown car. That's your NCP car parks.

And now they are bullying small businesses to make a few extra pennies.

We wouldn't have kind of carry on if Batman were real.

*****END OF RANT*****

PS- if you want to read a graphic novel that isn't all about flying super people I highly recommend Y: The last man. It really is very good.

Man of Steel - A Reiew

The other day I went a watched The Man of Steel which is the latest version of the Superman franchise.

What I saw deserves it’s 6/10 rating.

From here on in there are spoilers – if you want to watch the film and find out for your self STOP READING NOW.

For everyone else who has already seen it, or is too tight fisted to pay the admission fee, read on.

Henry Cavill is the latest chap to play the iconic role of Superman. For what is possibly the most boring of all superheroes he does a decent job of keeping the audience interested.

The story of Man of Steel is a re-boot of the origins of Superman. A story that really does not need telling. Everybody in the whole world must, by now, know who Superman is, where he comes from, and what he is all about.

But just in case anybody had walked into the cinema and suffered a blow to the head from a massive bag of sweetened popcorn thus loosing very particular memories of comic book hero's, this is really not necessary.

Krypton is doomed, shit blows up and a baby is blasted to the stars to land on Earth.

This 18 word sentence sums up the back story of Superman, but for some reason requires multiple flashbacks showing Russell Crowe and his huge mole (do not watch this film in 3-D, I’m glad I didn’t!) walking up and down being a bit moody, but not angry or sad.

He gets killed to death by the baddie and then about 85-90% of the special effects budget is spent on blowing the bejeezus out of a world that doesn’t exist.

We, the audience, is then allowed to skip the most important aspects of Superman (now called Clark Kent) growing up, showing him discovering his powers and being taught “with great power come great…” oh wait – wrong superhero.

What we are treated to is Kevin Costner telling young Clark “NOT TO USE HIS POWERS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES”.

There is even a scene where Clark is getting a good telling off from his adopted Dad and he asks “Should I have just let all those kids drown in that bus?”

I kid you not that the answer that comes back from old Kev is “Well…. Yea… I mean…um..”

GOOD GOD! Old Pa Kent is really made out to be a nobhead in this film.

Time and time again in the flashback sequences we are treated to Kevin Costner bollocking this demi-god (whose iconic image is ham fistedly smashed with that of a certain son of God so many times through the film I started to feel like I was being brainwashed to join some sort of cult) that I stated to hate Kevin quite a bit. 

Not the character, but Kevin himself.

Stop being a Dave about everything Kevin, I thought to myself on more than one occasion.

Thankfully Kevin jumps in front of a tornado for no apparent reason and Clark is allowed to become the hero is was born to be.

Before he can do that though a certain Lois Lane pops down to Antartica in a MINI SKRIT!! (honestly) to look at a spaceship.

Clark is there too and it flies off and blah blah blah.

The baddies come along from somewhere… I forget how it happened… and it all kicks off.

Pretty much everything is smashed to bits – which is a good thing – and after waiting for over a hour we are treated to some very sub par special effects.

The fight scene with ZOD and Superman is long and enjoyable, but most of the effects are really laughable and seemed rushed. Supes cape more than anything looks stupid when he is punching and flying into buildings.

On a side note there a number of easter eggs/nods to the DC universe throughout the film.

Most noteable is the LEXCORP logos through the film, which is a good nod to Lex Luthor.

There is also a very VERY brief glimpse at a logo for a certain Wayne Enterprises near the end of the film.

This is the reason I am giving this film six out of ten.

I very nearly gave it more but rules is rules and the crap special effects allow me to safely reduce the score.

Go Home Superman

There is a new Superman film coming out soon and it got me thinking.

I hate Superman.

Cheer up you misery arse!

I buy the comics and for the most part enjoy reading them. But each time I do I am left with a feeling of anger and hatred.

I’m not a racialist, although it probably sounds like it when I say – I’m sick of comic book space aliens coming to our planet and moping about.

Sure, the guy has been known to save a few people. The odd kid stuck in a car that’s hanging off a bridge for some reason, or daft women who keep falling off the sides of buildings and punching a run away train before it hits the chemical plant down the track (someone really should get a bollocking for that in the planning department).

But for all his “Here I come to save the day…” shenanigans  each and every time he does something useful we are forever bombarded with scenes of him being a bit sad and looking forlorn because… well I don’t really know.

Give it a rest you big girl!

For a guy who can shoot lasers out of his eyes and fly dead fast and has muscles coming out of his hair AND calls himself SUPERMAN - he really is a moaning little shit.

Anyone would think he hated his job or something.

Having a rubbish job, or not being able to get a job - that's when you know you’re going to have issues and a reason to want to sod off at any given moment. Not because you grew up on a farm and had two loving parents (yes, they weren't his birth parents but Ma and Pa Kent loved him just as much) who made sure you wanted for nothing and you have got your very own cape.

It can’t be his job anyway. As a reporter he is forever ducking out of the office at the drop of a hat (or falling victim from a cable car etc) and nobody has ever called him up on it, or made him stay behind to catch up on his deadlines.

Not once in all the comics I’ve read has Superman been called in for a disciplinary meeting due to his constant absence.

Yes he’s been sacked once or twice, but usually it was over other matters and he always came back.

Nobody else has been that lucky.

Even Lois Lane has forgiven him hundreds of times for “forgetting” to meet up on a date. This is a woman who has won Pulitzers and other press related prizes and is often depicted as a hottie and could have any bloke she wants… but OH-NO! Clark Kent gets another chance.

And he’s a fraudster.

I bet he’s claiming some kind of benefits under that false name.

But that doesn’t stop him kicking at the dirt and feeling sorry for himself all the time.

"Boo Hoo! is soooo hard being me" he chose that life. He doesn't have to live a double life if he didn't want to. He’s has the power of a God for…. God’s sake.

Bloody space aliens coming here taking up all our journalistic jobs in made up cities, flying around without a licence without so much of a "Here's some advanced alien technology to wrap yer heads around" or nothing.

What a bloody nerve.

I know why Lex Luthor gets so pissed off with him.

Smiling makes it all better!

Is it a Bird...?

I have a confession to make.

I am a comic book geek.

Not just a comic book geek, but a sci-fi geek et al.

I love nothing more than the escapism of watching a spaceship/metahuman/mutant and any other kind of silliness fly/change shape/save the world/destroy mankind in almost any form.

Books, films, tv shows, toys and yes... comics.

I own and read and collect comic books.

I have spent a stupid amount of money over the years on what amounts to a load of pretty pictures of men and women in tightly clad latex, flying running and grappling with each other in all the colours of the rainbow.

 I could try and justify my childish hobby with quips of how they are an investment for the future as collections of stories can fetch $$$ or even £££ in the right market.

I could pass off excuses about how good the stories are and how not all comic books are about superhero’s and some are very dramatic works of art with horrors and love stories and twists and turns and cliff hangers galore.

But in the end they are cartoon books.

But I am not ashamed of this hobby. No sir-ee.

It’s just another layer to mysterious onion that is me.

However, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today.

Because I read comics I often find that I feel that I want or even need in some cases my own theme tune.

Dur Dur Duuur!!

Superman has one.

Batman has one as well.

Even Spiderman has his own Spiderman tune and he is rubbish.

I was thinking of trailing one out here on my blog. One that would play out whenever people came along and read my thoughts.

Unfortunately, I am the wrong kind of geek. As a comic book geek I am incapable of being a computer geek (it’s some unwritten law or something) and therefore am unable to figure out how or even if it is possible to have a fanfare blare out automatically.

Therefore I humbly ask you all, next time you read my blog please can you all hum the following tune to the best of your ability.

Here goes.

Dum-dum-dum- dadadadada daaaaaaaaaa dum dum. Dum-dum-dum- dadadadada daaaaaaaaaa dum dum  Dum-dum-dum- dadadadada daaaaaaaaaa dum dum Bada bada papapapa (wooooooh!)

It sounds better out loud than written down trust me.

Oh yes, I just want to let you all know that Mrs H has been collecting X-men books long before she snared me into her little trap and for many years before they even thought of making the films... she just so happens to love Hugh Jackman as well.

The perv.

Anyone can wear a vest... pffft.