Racism shrouded in idiocy.

I'm not sure if any of you had the pleasure of watching.. no, that not the right word is it... misfortune? is that the word?... I don't know... anyway, Did anyone see the recent Britain First Political campaign video on the TV recently?

I didn't.

But I do have a Twitter account and there were a lot of people tweeting about it so I thought I would have a look at it.

Here it is in all it's glory.

Wow - right?

Just wow.

It should go without saying that the vast majority of was said in that video is laughably stupid, wrong and painfully inaccurate. 

But I am not all that offended by a bunch of idiots spouting verbal diarrhoea as I still hold out on that last thread of human sensibility that these nasty people will amount to nothing and that their strange ramblings about migrants and Europe will be ignored or, even better, questioned and corrected as the London Mayoral voting begins.

I don't live in London, but some people do (so I have heard) and I hope that people make a choice is right for them, regardless of who they chose.

There is however, a very small chance that somebody as dangerous as Britain First will be voted in.
There is a very strange sense of failure around our main political parties.

To be fair, there always has been as newspapers and websites continuously find examples of fraud, misconduct and outright illegal behaviour of those we entrust to run our country.

But recently I have found myself at my wits end and I fear that others are in an even worse state of hatred of the constant lies and disrespect that MP's continue to show each other and the people who put them in power.

I worry that something terrible could go wrong and people like Britian First find themselves in positions of power.

It's one thing to worry about terrorists. They are a bad bunch and no mistake.

But, for me at least, I think there would be MORE to worry about if single minded extremists... (yes that's right White Extremists... imagine that) like Britain First become the decision makers.

It would be an unmitigated disaster.

Britain First do not represent my views in any way, shape or form. They really don't.

But worse than their points of view is the quality of that video.

Seriously folks, that video is painful to watch.

Laughably so.

From the weird camera work, weird cut aways and bizarre sound editing. The whole thing is a mess.

I doubt anybody reviewed that video and thought "That's bloody brilliant that is. Lets call it a night and beat up a black for not being British enough."

Nope. I've just checked and it never happened.

It was offensive to the human senses.

We have spent millions of years trying to evolve to a more sophisticated physical state so we are able to reach a higher plane of awareness.

Our eyes can focus on singular actions, our hands have opposable thumbs which allow us use tools and create fine works of art.

Our brains can control our every movement. We use them to create wonderful worlds in our mind and can evoke intense emotional responses from music... but the best Britain First can do is drag a few dullards out on the street and get them to read from a card... VERY VERY woodenly.

The whole thing reminded me of this brilliant bit from Stewart Lee, which sums up my whole disdain for Britain First and their like and I offer it up as a counter balance for that stupid video at the top.

Keep The Noise Down In There.

I have rolled my sleeves up and decide to try and make a change.

Doing this is going to be tough and probably won’t work but sod it if I don’t try then I don’t stand any chance of  becoming rich and famous making a change.

First, a bit of background.

I am not in the least bit political. I do watch the news and take an interest in what’s going on in the world but have no particular political leaning (although I have done one of the tests on line, but I think they are fixed anyway).

Whenever I see the house of commons on the news I always have same dreaded thoughts. They generally go something like this:

“Oh god here we go, a load of toffs and snobs with no idea what is actually going on in the world… etc etc”

With:

“Is that old bloke asleep?”

Next comes:

“Oh.. I actually agree with that statement that man/lady who seems to be paying attention made.”

Quickly followed by:

“What did that other man/woman say then? I couldn’t hear because all those others were shouting and waving bits of paper”

Immediately after:

“For god’s sake, why are they all shouting across the room? I can’t hear what important statements are being made – I can’t believe that guy is STILL asleep!”

Then:

“Nope! I have no idea what they’re going on about… why is nobody checking to see if that pensioner is still breathing?”

And so on and so forth.

noisy buggers at work

Now, I not too bothered if somebody dies in office, at least they were at their place of work and not cleaning out their duck pond or white washing their castle walls or whatever. But the point remains there are far too many occasions where something very important is being said that needs to be heard but these cretins are too busy shouting H’RAAAR and A-BOOO like it’s some sort of pantomime.

I am not aware if other parliaments in other countries act like this. 

I’m willing to bet that they don’t.

Ah... maybe I'm wrong...

I know there have been times when it all kicks off and politicians start scrapping, but our molly coddled wimps can only bring themselves to wave a bit of paper from across the room at each other and shout things like “SHAAAME!” or .. well I don’t know because it just inaudible noise.

It’s as if somebody let a pack of chimps loose in a room full of sugared up toddlers.

It’s just noise.

It serves no purpose other than to annoy me.

I don’t like being annoyed. Especially when it dawns on me that these chumps are at work AND on TV.

If you or me acted like this in our place of work during a meeting we would probably be asked to leave and and go through some kind of disciplinary meeting.

The best that these fruit cakes get is a stern look from the speaker of the house of commons.

"Shaaat it you slaaaaag!"

To be fair to  Rt Hon John Bercow, he does try. I have seen him a few times really giving some MP’s a good verbal lashing. But it’s not enough.

They don’t listen.

They don’t care.

These people are supposed to be our representatives in matters of law, order, health, education, economy, transportation, sport, the arts, the environment and everything in between.

I genuinely do not believe that while they are screaming like idiots at each other they are giving their full attention to the things that matter.

Therefore I suggest a change in the way things are done.

Before anyone stands up to speak, Mr Speaker should tell everyone that they must listen with the ears and not their mouths.

Anyone who does shout and says “a-boo” or what ever, will be forced to sit through the rest of the session with their fingers on their lips.

Nobody heard the fireworks BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO BUSY SHOUTING!

If they continue to shout they should be forced to put a £5 note into a big coffee tin in the middle of the room and the money collected would go towards reducing the economic deficit.

I think this idea would work.

MP’s got their  M&S knickers in a right old twist when they were told to stop cheating on the expenses forms so it stands to reason that any risk to loosing their own cash would stop them from embarrassing themselves in this manner with immediate effect.

I have previously used Twitter to try and get MP’s to shut up while they were on TV, but this resulted in a number of them blocking me which isn’t very nice at all.

I didn’t swear at them, I was as polite as you can be in 140 characters and informed them that it just wasn’t very British of them to raise a stink like this.

We are a proud nation but we don’t like to cause a fuss. It’s not how we do things round here.

I have sent this post around twitter to all the MP’s I could find before I got bored. (EDIT: i managed to send this post to around 20 MP's on twitter before I broke it)

If you are an MP and you are reading this, please feel free to print a copy off and stick on your bulletin board in the staff room.

If you know an MP, please feel free to print a copy off and give it to them with the words – “SSSSHHHHH!”

Together we can make a change and stop MP’s from acting like children. By working together we can make them get on with things and earn their wages and more importantly I can turn the volume down on the TV.

Thanks for reading.

Please keep the noise down.

How's It Hanging?

Word up Bloggers.

How's it hanging?

I am leaning to the left.

Now before you start writing a letter to Points of View or your local MP about the childish innuendo I just pulled off (he's at it again) I would like to point out that I am talking about my POLITICAL LEANINGS.

Let me explain.

A couple of weeks ago there was a thing called the Local Elections here in the UK. This is an opportunity for simple folks to make a difference and gives them the opportunity to chose a new kind of idiot to make a mess of things like schools, hospitals, the state of the roads and how many Tesco Express shops will be given planning permission in the high street*

Fact is only 30% of the UK bothered to go outside and tick a box. It appears most of them voted for UKIP.

UKIP are a bunch of people who for whatever reason hate people from other places.

They have, for the most part, been voted in what is known as a "protest vote". This means that people actively choose an idiot instead of the usual greedy, out of touch upper class pillocks that usually grace the electoral pitch.

It kind of back fired and now UKIP have quite a number of voters and seem, for the moment, to be a potential political threat.

I did not vote. I chose not to vote.

But Bumferry, this is a waste of your democratic right to guise us all in the right path toward a social and economic utopia.

to which I would say - "That's MR Hogart to you, peasants!"

but I would continue with something like this:

I choose not to vote because voting for anyone other that who I actually believe has the best interests of my community is a wasted vote, much like voting for UKIP or any of the others for that matter.

I would continue in a rant about how politicians seem to have only their best interests at heart and the betterment of the country comes second, with things like the expenses scandal, bribery, lying to the police, second mortgages and renting out homes to other MP's and both people claiming the money back TWICE etc etc etc - but both you and I would get bored of hearing about that.

But back to the point in hand.

I wanted to know which political party I should vote for, in the event that I one day bother to vote.

a quick Google search led me to a couple of websites that asked (quite odd) questions on my thoughts of varying aspects of modern life.

The results were a surprise to say the least.


http://www.politicalcompass.org/printablegraph?ec=-2.38&soc=-0.92


According the politicalcompass.org (others are available) I am Liberal Lefty. I am more like Gandhi than Thatcher.


I always thought I was a little bit right wing but it appears that I am not.

.....None of this makes any sense.....

The more I think about I tend to agree. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hippy. I don't like mushrooms and would never were socks and sandals but neither do I have much time for others.

As I have clearly stated in the past (and will continue to do so until the bitter end) people are idiots.

So now I have to rethink my whole outlook on life and start reading the Guardian newspaper and figure what hell Falafel is and buy something ethnic to hang on my wall.

Is there such a thing as an angry liberal? it seems the answer is yes and you are reading his words.

bugger.

ps- Next week - the long awaited INTERVIEW WITH A CELEBRITY.

*these may or may not appear in conjunction with a certain number of brown envelopes stuff full of used £10 notes.

2011 A Review - In 998 Words

2011. What a year it has been!

Celebrity deaths, protests, looting, warm summers and mild winters. Possible proof that the speed of light is an absolute may have been debunked and the continuation of the global fiscal worries filled the blank spaces of the nation press.

Artists rendition of the end of times

Nuclear explosions, earthquakes, the seven billionth human takes a breath and promptly defecates on the only planet known to be able to sustain life as we know it and more piss poor desperate faces off the television appearing in various jungles, ballrooms, ice rinks or houses made entirely of cameras and mirrors beg for the right to be recognised while those who couldn’t get in were appearing on news channels fist banging tables declaring the press to be an abhorrent monster that invades their lives without permission.

Oh and the only way is Essex (whatever that is)

How little did we know back in February

We start with the sad news that Pete Postlethwaite passed away in January. This was followed in February with some pranksters changing a petrol sign with the initials LOL (which means Laugh Out Loud, so I’m told).

March gave us a glimpse at one possible link in a chain of events that could lead to the end of the world with a tsunami near Japan, causing a crack in the wall of the Fukushima Nuclear power plant.  Cue exaggerated reports of how a nuclear cloud will envelope the UK and kill all the sheep etc.

News headlines were full to bursting point as we saw the hottest April in over 100 years here in the UK. Cue news reports of massive fatalities of heat stroke and melting pensioners etc.

In May UK politicians were no doubt suffering from sun stroke when Theresa May spouted some bull poop about “an illegal immigrant not being sent home because (and I’m not making this up) a cat.” Oh yes, and some guy called Osama was shot dead after 10 years on the run for instigating the worst terrorist attack in living memory. Cue many column inches of unverified reports of retaliation by extremist groups that didn’t really happen.

Somebody voted for these idiots

June allowed the newspapers to ponder the serious repercussions of how the Greek deficit will affect the rest of Europe and the world. Exaggerations and inaccurate fiscal calculations did nothing to alleviate the economy downturn.

July bounced around the corner, like a happy go lucky puppy dog, unlike Amy Whinehouse who died. The coroner stated that there were no drugs found in her system at the time of death, which must have surprised almost everybody in the whole universe. The tabloid press nearly broke their own arms off and the opportunity to write what they wanted about a dead girl.

August gave us final proof that there are too many people in the world and most of them are ungrateful moronic idiot oxygen thieves (see London riots). Newspapers continued their crazy assault on declaring the madness will never end ad infinitum.

In September there were over 2.5 million unemployed people in the UK, although there were still 12 pages of jobs in my local paper – and I live out in the sticks!!! I didn’t buy a paper in September so can’t remember what the papers had to say about that, but it probably wasn’t words of encouragement asking the people to help each other and rally round to make the country better.

There is a fine line between being deep and being pedantic - I should know!

October refused to let Steve Jobs carry on anymore and allowed those who should know better to relax their decorum muscles and act like they knew the guy personally by crying and acting like the idiots they are. *I have nothing against Mr jobs, but do wonder at the mentality of folk from thousands of miles away who happen to own a product made by a company that is run by someone who has died and they feel it is acceptable to wander around in front of the nearest TV camera and blub like a lost school girl at the news of a strangers death. He invented I-pods not the cure for cancer (which would be ironic)

This was also the month that the 7 billionth person was born, which I am neither happy nor concerned about in any way shape or form. The papers were blah blah... (You get where I’m going with this by now surely?)

"AH-HAAAAAAAAA!"

November has only just gone out of fashion and here in the UK people have been looking for a reason to get angry. Last year it was the snow. Boy were people mad/confused at the seasonal changes/ desperate to have a day off work! Unfortunately for them there has not been the slightest hint of snow this year and so those who receive the most holidays and best pay packets decided that they would have a day off anyway by holding a one day strike. Those poor lambs who have their pensions paid by the public purse want more money for themselves and fail completely to understand that government cuts have to come from somewhere and while every man woman and child in the UK is facing a reduced income while seeing the price of essential items rise on an almost daily basis, believe it is their constitutional right to down tools and demand that their pension pots are safe and secure.

It was also the month of the Leveson enquiry, which is to continue for a number of weeks and for some reason the newspapers have been rather quiet about the whole affair of how and why the self regulated national press association has allowed itself to act in the manner of aggressive thoughtless, brutal and emotionless money grabbing greedy bastards with no respect or honour for the suffering or innocent. Strange that.

December hasn’t really got going but I am left with an ever lurking sense of dread and loathing for what mankind has to offer.

According to weirdoes and mentalists the world is supposed to end next year so none of this really matters anyway.

Carry on.

 *other things did happen in 2011. Feel free to comment on your own memorable memories in the box below. cheers.

British Politics At Its Best

I know this probably doesn't count as a proper post but, I wanted to share this with people because it made me laugh.


Enjoy.


From BBC parliment coverage of the House of Lords.
originally seen via the poke (thepoke.co.uk)

Well done old lady!

Politics And Time Travel Should Never Mix

Scientists have a lot to answer for these days. Not long ago (although it could soon be a bit longer ago than it should be) the men who live their lives in long white coats and thick rimmed glasses concluded that something travelled faster than light and straight way everyone started to believe that time travel just might be possible. With this in mind the UK government is about to trial a process that mean we would all be forced to travel in time faster than we want. It’s no coincidence that the legal speed limit is being upped to 80mph when the suits in charge want start messing with the laws of physics. Wibbly wobbly timey wimey...bullshit So i TELL YOU NOW - Don’t bother getting out of bed tomorrow. In fact, it would probably be best for us all if we didn’t even bother to wake up for quite a while. The last drops of Common sense and logic have finally been frittered away by the idiots in charge. There is absolutely no point carrying on anymore because someone who is paid real money to do things has had the brass neck to speak out loud with the following idiotic idea. any minute.....now? The following is a direct copy and paste from www.parliment.co.uk/pa/cm201011/cmbill/007/11007.i-i.html I have not made this up. A BILL TO REQUIRE THE SECRETARY OF STATE TO CONDUCT A CROSS-DEPARTMENTAL ANALYSIS OF THE POTENTIAL COSTS AND BENEFITS OF ADVANCING TIME BY ONE HOUR FOR ALL, OR PART OF, THE YEAR; In a nut shell, some big wig down in that there London town wants to move the clocks forward by one hour so that we will be in line with the rest of Europe.  I simply cannot get my head around the proposal of this. On the BBC website (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-15490249) they try to explain it with this, which just makes things worse: “It would see the UK adopt Central European Time, with BST plus one hour in summer and GMT plus one in winter.” Essentially we would be travelling ahead of ourselves compared to this time last year, for three years without putting the clocks back and we would skip an hour further in time come autumn. We wouldn’t put the clocks back for a couple of years so it will seem to stay lighter for longer when it gets dark. (?) I think. Ziggy says there's a 94.9% chance we're screwed. It this bill gets passed we will all be living the life of Sam Beckett in quantum leap. Jumping around and messing up our lives even more with only a sex pest hologram for company.... OOOOOOOH boy!