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Tuesday, 24 May 2011

998 words of utter disgust

So many subjects to choose from this week. From the further adventures of SUPER INJUNCTION to Barak Obama’s visit to the Uk or even the Queen going to Ireland.
But i have decided to write about a more important topic than all of those put together times two.

A head teacher in Middlesbrough has written to parents to tell them not to wear pyjamas when they drop their snotty little brats at the gates in the morning.
It also asks them to not pick them up in the afternoon while wearing their pyjamas as well and I applaud this letter.

What the hell in all of creation are these adults thinking?

Wearing clothes is one of the few things that separate us from monkeys and other animals that scientists experiment on.

Let’s look at a time line of what is happening here...

7am – wake up, still drunk from the night before, to the ear bleeding noise of Chris Moyles harping on about how funny he isn’t whilst a load of ass kissing reprobates slap him on the back for reading out a joke he read in the daily star. Say the word fucking shit.

7:15am – finish masturbating and swipe the empty crisp packets of the bed before lighting a roll up while swearing.

7:20am – cough up a load of phlegm and spit on the floor before wiping their nose on the crusty semen stained duvet. Shout the word arsehole for no reason.

7:21am – scream like a banshee at the kids to get up. Say fuck a bit.

7:34am – stop screaming at kids just long enough to scream at the Rottweiler for shitting on the floor because it has been taken out for a walk in ages. Swear at the dog.

7:35am - continue yelling at the kids until they walk out the door. Light up another filthy filter tip.

7:45am – swear a lot while the kids swear at the other kids. Give dirty look to the proper mums who are dressed and have jobs and husbands.

7:50am return home. Scratch own arse and smell fingers to see if a shower is needed. Either way decides not to bother.

7:51am – sit in front of TV and watch old re-runs of Trisha, Kyle and Vanessa on ITV3.

3:20am – lift fat arse off the sofa and swear because the kids need picking up.
At no point of this genuine time line have any of these baby making fuck-tards bothered to get dressed, which means that they have not had a wash, are still wearing the same underwear from at least the day before, assuming that the dirty buggers have even bothered to put some on at all this week!

This is not a new thing, of course. This has become a growing epidemic. A bit like them dumb tarts who walk around in those furry boots – which are actually meant for indoors not shop lifting at River Island in.

But why do these dirty, lazy smelly women think that it acceptable to walk the streets in nightwear?

I can only assume they do it as a badge of honour. A way to let the whole world know they don’t have job and live off benefits with free sky TV.

It used to be harder for them – back in the day.

In the 1990’s to really show how much of a scum bag you were, young mums had to tick three boxes.

1) Be single

2) Always have a black eye

3) Have a baby that is not the same colour as you.

But then times changed and different coloured babies simply were not enough nor was wearing physical abuse to show just how much of a hard bitch you were and new ways had to be thought up in order to show that you didn’t give a fuck.

In order to show that they don’t care about what other people thing of them, these mothers had to come up with more inventive and jaw dropping statement of facts.
They have always been anti social to the point of swearing at their kids and sleeping with anyone that bothers to buy them a WKD at the working men’s club, but being drunk at 8am had already been over populated by the homeless and the teachers ironically enough.

And so in an attempt to gain enough more hatred of the other mums – the ones who can dress and feed themselves and their children at the same time whilst having their own jobs – the dole scum mums decided to stage an ultimate dismissal of social behaviour.

Emmeline Pankhurst is a name that has become synonymous with womans liberation but she must be turning in her grave thinking that women of today believe it is acceptable to stink their way through life without getting dressed.
Some would say it is a sign of depression.

Others would say it’s just plain bone idleness and laziness.

The rest claim its pure madness.

I think they are all paedophilic sex pests.

Walking around school entrances whilst wearing nothing but the clothes you sleep in screams of kinky perverse sexual deviancy in my book.
These filthy rat bags should be arrested under the charge of common indecency and sent to the colonies.

At the very least they need to have their kids and benefits taken off them.
If I want to see women inappropriately dressed I will head of down to my nearest den of iniquity and demand to have a bronzed midget fight its way out of a full sized bungle costume before riding silly like a battle weary tortoise.

But I digress.

This situation is just another example of why we fully dressed people should shun the undressed.

They are dirty and will attract lice and rats and bears!

If you know someone who acts in this most heinous of ways, please tell them to stop it. They are embarrassing themselves and are possibly causing an epidemic of apocalyptic proportions.

A plague of Rats I tell you.



  1. You know if everyone just did as they were told and stopped breeding - if only for a while - the world would be no less than eight hundred MILLION times better!

    Although I agree with you article entirely in spirit and understand how difficult it is to avoid, one feels you may be doing the wholly noble animal kingdom a disservice by comparing them to the mouth-breathing oxygen-thieves to which you appertain.

    You see the main problem with said vermin is that there may be one in a hundred days when I leave the house not feeling entirely unsunny in my dispostion and then it happens:- Within minutes I espy a plebian going about something boorish and it immediately makes me look up in the hope that there's a meteor screaming towards the Earth.

  2. Going outside in pyjamas has to be the tinkiest thing someone could do. I'm pretty sure I'd be feeling suicidal if my mother dressed like that!

    Oh, and Bananas in Pyjamas were amazing - now I have the song stuck in my head :)


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