A Terrible Time Of it......

I'm having a terrible time of it at the moment.

First up, my ingrowing toenail is back.

That's not good.

My foot hurts, but there is very little I can do because the nail is still too small to get a good hook into and yank out.

More exciting news to follow on that story.....

Next up, the month of August saw a rather stupid statement from your's truly when my friend Ste (remember Ste? he's the one who fell asleep with a candle on his head and cheated at the £10 challenge) offered to have another £10 bet with me.

The challenge this tie round involves betting £10 on any sporting event between the 1st of August until the 31st of December with the option to spend any and all winnings to see who can make the most money by the end of the year.

As of writing this post, Ste has not made any bets.... I, however, have been a very busy bee opting to spread my chances of making a profit by betting on horses, the cricket and the football....

I have pretty much lost all of my money.

As of today I have 40 pence left.

For anyone who is not familiar with English money, 40 pence can get you a funny look, thrown out or barred from any pub,bar, charity shop in the UK.

I am terrible at betting.

40 pence is pathetic.

There is a small chance I can come out this a hero.

I have some bets still to come today including the horses and kicking ball.... My hopes are not high though.


As the saying goes; If it wasn't for bad luck - I would have no luck at all.

Let this be a lesson to you all.... if you want to know how to make money from gambling, just do the opposite of me and you'll be a millionaire by Christmas.


More news on this (and my impending insolvency claim) to follow.

Super Glue and Pedigree Chum

.......ahem....

I come at you this evening slightly embarrassed.

All of my horses ran today and only one of them managed to win.

I say they all ran, most of them seem to have walked or stopped half way along the course to check their emails or play Candy Crush. 

That is the only explanation I can think of.

It was such a terrible day at the races I can't be bothered to print all the results, although a quick look on twitter using the hashtag #SinkingShipRaces will give a run down of how awful it really was.

Although I ended the day on a loss, it doesn't really matter.

It would have been nice to win but having the knowledge that it is very unlikely that I will ever be able to give up work by placing bets, I know better than to gamble away with proper money.

I am used to my friends ridiculing me for making penny bets, but when I lose I only lose a small amount today I loss less than £2.

However when I win, I usually win a nice tidy amount. The other day I got a return of £20! Not enough to retire on, but it is a big enough difference to know that I beat the bookies that day.

Gambling can be a curse for some. There are those who have lost everything, but seeing as don't have anything to begin with, I can't really fail.


3 years ago I put £100 into a betting account. Today that figure stands at £62.58

I have made £37.42 last the best part of three years.

For a hobby, I thinks that's quite good.

I have just realised that it is also three years next week since I started this blog.

3 years of talking poop. 

sorry.

And They're Off!

Thank you to everyone on Blogger and Facebook who took part in this stupid little venture of giving me an opportunity to lose money.

Today the votes have been counted assessed, jumbled up and recounted. 

The winner is....

GEOGRAPHY!

And it won by a landslide.

This morning I have placed bets on the three race meets in the UK and the following horses are now facing the extra pressure of putting in an extra 100% to ensure I end up in profit.

southwell 14:05 lotus POND 9/1
carlisle 12:45 trouble in PARIS 8/1 
carlisle 15:00 running BROOK 66/1
carlisle 16:00 MARRAKECH trader 5/1
kempton 14:15 MOUNTIAN lion 2/1
kempton 16:20 RUSSIAN link 20/1
kempton 16:50 WALL STREET boss 10/3
kempton 17:20 KENT ragstone 9/1
kempton OCEAN applause 5/1

I have placed a number of bets including each horse to win (or come second) and another bet placed called DOUBLES.

This means that all the races are included in the bet, but not all of them have to be winners for me to win. (it's a bit complicated but works for me)

I have also placed a 1p bet on ALL the horses to win. This little 1p bet could return a ridiculous £1,000,000.00

The odds are astronomical but like the saying goes - you have got to be in it to win it.

I will try and update each result over on twitter as they happen.

You can follow my march to millionareship by following @SinkingShip_UK where I also spout nonsense and ramblings on a semi regular basis.

There are some examples over there on the right side of the page. 

Here we go!

Stupid Is, As Stupid Does

Yo!

(is it still cool to say Yo?)
((Is it still cool to say cool??))

Never mind.

Today I come to you all with a challenge.

Having done this before with little success, I feel enough time has passed for us to give things another go.

I have been having a run of bad luck on the horse betting of late. Having tried many systems from pot luck all the way through checking form and past results, I just can not seem to find the winning horses at the races.

Not since my trip to Chester races last month, (where I won loads!!) have I had a profitable day.

With this in mind I am going to let you good readers decide on which horses I will bet on.

For those who have not played before here are the rules:

Choose one category from the list below.

Which ever gets the most votes wins.

I place bets on ALL the horses that fall into that category.

Any winnings are mine and will not be shared.

Any losses are mine and will not be shared.

So there you go.

You can revel in the all the fun of betting without having to put your hand in your pocket and lose.

Such Fun!

So here are your categories:

-Colours

-Boys Names

-Girls Names

-Weather

-Geography.

Pick just one of the above and pop your answer in the comments section below.

The competition closes on Sunday 10th November 2013 and the bets will be placed on Monday.

As a reminder, I only bet in pennies, so don't feel bad when I report back having lost all my money. It's all just a bit of fun.

In the meantime I am currently working on a little animation AND a song (of sorts), but more on that at a later date.

Good luck.... and Carry on!

Busy bee

Just a quick one this week. I'm so busy that I'm having to write this from my mobile telephonic device, which is cool.

I have no idea what this will end up looking like but if you don't try you will never know.

I am going to try and add a picture from my stag do from last weekend where, my so called friends, made me dress up like a jockey for our trip to Chester races.

I won a fair bit of money and got very drunk and even got to keep a 20 pence piece that fell out of a naughty lady with no vest on at a strip club.

Long story.....

Anyway, I am half way through writing my Christmas song and am hoping for a number one hit!

That's it for now.

Go away - I'm busy. :)

Your £1,000,000 bet has been placed.

This A to Z malarkey is quickly coming to an end.

Thoughtless Gibberish is set to continue.

So that’s your good news and bad news.

With only two episodes left, its time to start wraping things up.

Back in the letter of W (winnings) I asked you all to help me pick some horses.

Out of the many entries.. alright one… I was left with no option but to choose Weather as my guide to picking horses for Saturdays races.

I wont bore you all with which horses I picked but I will show you the betting slip before giving the results.

Here it is:

Check that out. A potential ONE MILLION ENGLISH POUNDS.

Assuming this accumulator comes in I will be sharing my winnings with Rob Z Tobor and Rob Z Tobor alone, as nobody else bothered to make a suggestion.

The result (as you can probably guess) is as follows.

Winnings = 0.00

13 horses bet on, one none runner, four wins and the rest are now being ground down into next weeks lasagne's.

I don’t blame Rob of course, it’s not his fault. He gave it a shot. The rest of you though – shame on you!

If you had picked one of the other options I would not have been forced to loose a whole 2p on the races.

Oh well never mind.

There’s always the lottery.

Winning?

Long time readers will know I like a little flutter on the horses.

New readers should know that the word little IS little.

I don’t like to bet more than 10p at a time (I am a cheap tight fisted bugger!). Having small limits when betting keeps it fun and stops gambling from having the potential to ruin ones life.

Unfortunately, even though I am careful with my spending (£30 in three years) I am bloody rubbish.

A while ago I let commenter's on this here blog name a category for what I should bet on over the weekend.

I lost.

Well…. They lost me money but I’m not bitter.

In fact, I’m willing to give it another go.

Here are the rules.

In the comments box place your entry based on one of the following categories. I will place bets on any and all horses that fit the most chosen option.

The categories are:

Women (horses with girls names etc)

Weather (…anything weather related)

Walking (…any names related to moving about)

Wallop (any horses name that has a noise in its name)

So there you go. Give it a bash and I will report back after the weekend with the results.

It can’t be any worse than last time.

Ahahahahahahahahahaha.

The Results Are In (finally)

The results are in.

I didn't do very well.

Or to put it another way – you lot are just as rubbish at picking horses as I am.

The racing results from Tuesday (including one from today because the race was abandoned due to bad weather) have been finalised and I am too ashamed to show you my final balance but suffice to say it looks as healthy as a one eyed three legged puppy with the mange. 

All together I have won a total of £1.08 from £1.46 of bets resulting in a loss of 38p.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I only bet in pennies and not pounds or even more.

38 pence has allowed me to dream, just for one moment, of winning big and beating the odds. I didn’t beat the odds, but I had the chance.

I could have won £102 but I will take the £1.08 because that is £1.08 more than nothing.

“Ah! But Bumf, if you hadn’t bothered to put the bet on in the first place you wouldn’t have lost anything.” I hear you say… and you would be right.

But then I wouldn’t have had the chance to win anything and ultimately THAT is what is important.

I think?

Anyway, I hope this little experiment has shown you that gambling is for idiots. Idiots like me.

I strongly urge you all not to get into betting because there is only ever one winner – the bookie.

Maybe I should start being a bookie. I’ve got a flat cap already so I’m half way there.

*insert sad face*

A Day At The Races. Part 1

Today is the start of Cheltenham.

It is a day where I have promised to spend my money on your say so.

Thanks to everyone who voted for BOYS NAMES. I hope it was the right choice.

I had no idea which horses would be running today but made my choices based upon boys names in the races running today.

The following list contains the bets I have made for today 12/03/2013.

13:30 Puffin BILLY @14/1 (1-3)

14:05 SIMONsig @4/6 (1-2)

14:40 Our MICK @9/2 (1-4)

16:00 Outlaw PETE @4/1 (1-4)

17:15 ARTHURS pass @12/1 (1-4)

I have placed single bets at 10p each way so the numbers in brackets indicate the position the horse can finish for me to still win money.

I have also placed these horses in an accumulator (each way - I’m not daft!) that could win a total of £90.27

On top of this I have placed these horses in a bet called Doubles Each way. This means that at least two of the horse must be placed for me to win any money back.

£1.22 has been wasted spent of these horses and a total of around £102 could be won in returns.

Keep ‘em crossed.

If I get at least my money back I reveal the top secret thing that I am not allowed to talk about but keep mentioning to make my life seen a little less boring.

Good luck everyone!

"My hobbies include sado masochism, Bestiality and Necrophilia - Am I just flogging a dead horse?"

I will be away from my computer today so will not know the results until tomorrow evening. But if all goes according to plan and this turns out to be fun (!!) then I might do it again.

If I end up skint.... then I probably won't bother. hahahahaha