Drinks, Updates And A Missing Tooth

last weekend I made a very impromptu decision to travel back to Manchester to visit my old drinking buddy.

"Let's do that pub crawl!" I immediately regretted saying.

"Well..." said Darren hesitantly "If you want to..."

"I do. I really think we can do this!" The eagerness outstripping my common sense.

"You're on." Said Darren knowing full well in would all end in tears. He is the clever one you see.

And so on Monday morning I jumped on a train and after a belated exchange of Christmas gifts we headed off into the wilds of Manchester city centre to complete the Manchester Heritage Pub Crawl.

We decided to only drink half pints of whatever local ale each pub served and at around 2pm we took our first sips of something called BLACK RAT.

it was nice.

We chatted and walked and drank and moved on from one pub to another. This continued for a couple of hours until we were joined by another friend known affectionately as The Incredibly Upsetting Boy.

The Incredibly Upsetting Boy and his Incredibly Upsetting hair style and skinny jeans (you can already begin to see why he is so upsetting) took a gulp of his pint and made a very strange face indeed.

"What on Earth is the matter my old chum?" I may have said with more emphasis on swearing and less on compassion.

The Incredible Upsetting Boy told of how he had lost part of one of his teeth and was in a lot of pain.

Both Darren and I laughed. 

The Incredibly Upsetting Boy did not laugh but instead made a noise akin to agony.

The decision was made that a chilli burger would numb the pain and very soon after we realised this was not a good idea.

Two more pubs were selected and numbers 14 and 15 were entered with suitable drinks consumed.

At this point in the evening I realised I had lost my list of pubs and so we said our goodbyes and went home.

On reflection, It was a bad idea... no STUPID idea of mine to think that we could make to 40 pubs in one day. 

This event will therefore stand as test run. 15 pubs in one day means that it should be more than possible to complete the whole list in 3 days. This is a task that will be completed before the end of this year.

The results however, will not appear on this blog but "somewhere else".

If you want to keep informed and see the video that will accompany this adventure then now is the time to get a front row seat to the newest hip hop happening down with the kids too KOOL 4 SKOOL (see what I did there??) internet ... um... thing by clicking this link: SinkingShip Google + Page

And then this one for good luck: SinkingShip Twitter Page

Teasers and ticklers will be popping up all over the place as stuff gets done.

It's going to be exciting, it's going to be fun.... IT WILL!

Strike While The Iron Is Hot

I have done a song about all these bloody strikes that are popping up around the place.

I think the most annoying thing is that they are not even proper stirkes at all, just a one day walk out so that everyone can go to the pub or get some shopping in.

rubbish.

So in my own special way, here is my protest to the public sector workers who cant be bothered to do a proper 5 day week and don't realise how fortunate they are to have an employer who pays into their pension and offers them loads of holidays, a decent wage, if not a wage that is certainly more money then they actually work for and more importantly (because its one of the reasons they want to strike) a massive pension pot.
All the while people across the UK are seeing their jobs, homes and livelyhoods dissapear.

If you like it, play it twice and sing along. you will most definatly do a better job than i did.

If you didn't like, well, that's your look out chum. Screw you.

As always - enjoy.

A thank you, A sorry And A Video

Today I would like to thank someone and apologise to an entire nation.

First the apology.

Dearest Russia. I am very sorry for whatever I did wrong. Please do not send your government officials to my caravan to do horrible things to me. I have seen Spooks and The Hunt For Red October so I know you guys mean business and can honestly say whatever it is you think I know – I don’t. Thanks. And once again sorry.

"WHAAA... Somebody actually READS this thing?!?!?!"

Secondly I would like to thank http://theincoherentramblingsofasingleparent.blogspot.com/ for her gracious acknowledgement of my blog.

The three words used to describe my blog mean much more that the 764 words used by a certain law firm when threatening me with legal action!

Check out her blog when you have a minute folks. I guarantee you will like it.

Enough of this self congratulatory nonsense – Let’s get on with the show.

"Ah crap! Now I've got to put some effort into this thing!"

And so I guess there will be the odd personage who will now stumble upon this little messy corner of gibberish that is my blog and may want to know a little bit more about me and what I do.

The best way I can summarise this is using the old phrase of “a picture speaks a thousand words” but in my case its 998 words and instead of pictures I will submit this little video I made many years ago.

As well as this blog I also have a YOUTUBE channel with I share with my good buddy Darren.

Collectively we are known as Sinkingship productions, but we are NOT to be confused with the Canadian Sinkingship productions, because they are professional people with a proper website and everything, and I and Darren are just two blokes who used to shout JUSTICE at ugly people from the works car park.

Any-hoo.

Here is a poorly made video about my home town that i made waaaaay back in 2008. (I no longer live there).

 There are currently 40 videos on our channel for you to look at in horror and disgust. some funny, some shockingly awful. either way have a peep. (gosh, you ARE going to be busy today!)

Enjoy, or don’t. But watch it all the same.

Thanks for looking at these words and come back anytime.

INSERT OWN GAG ABOUT MASSIVE COCK

:

PS- for those of you who read this blog regularly – normal grumpy service will resume soon, probably by Tuesday.

998 frustrations

It is becoming increasingly difficult to enjoy the internet.
Without giving too much away about a top secret super project I am part of I need to record some music and I have a need to utilise the wonderment of this golden age of technology.

With what amounts to a good proportion of the western worlds brain boxes and techno-geeks at my disposal, I like to think they all live inside this little box I call a laptop, I thought it would be a jolly good wheeze to see what kind of programs and websites were available for me to use for free and create a little something for the world to enjoy.

But alas no. That does not seem to be the case.

I dutifully perform my tasks of using search engines, googling here yahooing there and quickly realise that what I want and how I search are not necessarily as linked as what the things I am looking for or how they are filed on the internet.

FREE TO DOWNLOAD MUSIC CREATOR

MUSIC MIXERS

MUSIC MAKER

MUSIC MAKING SOFTWARE

FREEWARE MUSIC CREATOR

The list goes on....

I have spent hours – HOURS – typing in a combination of words to find direct links to suitable websites for this project. Nothing suitable came up.
After an age had passed and the ends of my fingers had become numb due to the constant tap tap tapping on the keyboard, I decided to tack a different tact.
Surely somebody else has had the same idea as me and wanted help. I thunk to myself.
Thunking is a bit like thinking only for stupid people like me.

I began an arduous journey, scrolling through pages and pages of questions on music and computers and recording and this and that and the other only to find no rest bite from my quest.

What to do – my inner voices quizzed me in what I suspect was more of a mocking tone than of concern.

I ventured on the path of retracing my steps.

I back linked through as many pages as I could, re-reading and scanning for particular words but still to no avail.

But then...

Then I found what I was looking for. Just there hidden away in a little dusty corner of the World Wide Web. The page I had been searching for all afternoon!
It was a miracle.

I’m not ashamed to say this folks, but I wept a little. Just a little mind.
I clicked the link and got straight to work.

The night was drawing in and I wanted to have something to work with off line, so got cracking.
On each program I used I was allowed to start creating.

It was fantastic.

A little blues sax here, re-pitch some orchestral synth here, scratching that sounds really good in the middle of this bit...
All was going well. I would soon have a masterpiece on my hands.
I wanted to save what I had so far and so pressed the save button only to be met with this sarcastic message.

YOU ARE NOT LOGGED IN. LOG IN TO SAVE YOURT WORK.

Bugger. Never mind. I will set up an account FOR FREE and save what I have done so far. Cool.

Email address typed in, password selected (I always used password 123 – nobody will ever guess that one) password retyped. Tick the box to accept terms and conditions without even bothering to read it and...

THIS SERIVCE COSTS $14.95 (NORMAL PRICE $23.95) WOULD YOU LIKE TO PAY MAY MASTERCARD VISA OR PAYPAL.

The answer to that question is a simple piss off.

I don’t not wish to pay. I wish to use your advertised free features.

I wish to abuse your hospitality and then leave without even offering to help with the washing up.
I don’t wish to leave a donation although the offer of making a donation at the start of my session would be preferable to demanding money from me after I’ve spent ages making a funky track.

Screw you.

I know that I’m being cheeky, using somebody’s program that they have slaved over in silicon valley or wherever, but there are free programs out there for people to use, freeware programs, bits of half finished editions of full programs that people are free to use, some features are missing or need to be paid for. But when I’m asked to pay to save my work – that’s cheating.
The ability to save is not “an added extra” it is a necessity. It is a fundamental right to not have to start again or even just leave that page and say goodbye to hard work as a pre-teen mum might leave her premature baby by the bins behind a hospice.

It’s just wrong.

I have no idea how I am supposed to complete the work I have set myself to complete.
I have a guitar and a crappy microphone. But I want something more. I want YOU to listen to the finished product and enjoy a clear and varied sound.

As of now, due to the selfishness of the internet and the Ebenezer Scrooge style tight-fistedness of my own self – it may just turn out to a complete shower of shit.


5 minutes have passed since I wrote that last sentence.


I know there is a way to do this.

There has to be a way to complete my work without taking out a second mortgage or selling a kidney.

I will prove to those who have said it cannot be done - that it can.

There is always a way.

By hook or by crook nail this bugger.

It may take longer than I had expected but I vow to you here and my faith in victory shall not be extinguished. The flame that is my desire to finish will grow stronger with each passing day. I will not rest, I shall not surrender. I will be victorious.


Screw you the world (until I need some help.)

Is it Scone or Scone?

The 40th video of Sinkingship Productions is now on line for all to enjoy...


get a sneak preview right here....

you lucky buggers!

1 minute 45 Seconds that will change your life.. (or not)

Bono has the nerve to tell you that each time he clicks his fingers a small kiddie dies.
I would never be so callous as to demonstrate my life stealing powers like that.
Instead i will ask you a simple question.

What can you do in 1 minute and 45 seconds?

Hold your breath?

Boil a kettle?

Chase a dwarf round the kitchen before he scampers under the skirting board (I'll catch that little bugger one day)

Well now there is another thing you can do.



Thanks to the unique way in which The Bumferry Hogart Charitable Fund is funded and in association with Sinking Ship Productions we are proud to promote one of our “golden oldies” via the medium of You tube.

This video made by one of our team has been floating round the internet for some time and to date has not had the exposure it truly deserves.

What else are you going to do today?


I bet it’s not giving money to charity to save kiddies in Africa or cash for puppies with aids or carry on searching for Maddie McCann.



So why not watch this little video instead and make a difference to somebody’s life.

If you feel so inclined you could tell your friends and make their lives a little merrier.

Enjoy the adventures of....



AGATHA CHRISTIES ROBOCOP!








you can word the creator at his blog here( tell him bumferry sent you): themindwordsofdarren.blogspot.com

poetry and immortality

Check your watches because it’s February.
And the month of February is poetry month on bumferrys blog.
Poem number one-

“Look at him there. That man with no hair.”
“And his twin – next to him.”
“Ooh, what a pair!”

In other news:

The Bumferry Hogart Charitable Fund (or BHCF as all the cool kids call it) is offering a once in a lifetime opportunity for all readers of this blog to become immortal!

That's right immortal.

In association with Sinkingship Productions the BHCF is looking for people to take part in its latest video.

The top secret “film” requires voice actors for a number of parts.

If you are interested in, please “friend” (hate that word) both Bumferry Hogart and Sinkingship Productions on Facebook and send a private message in no more than 100 words as to why you deserve to be in it.

The successful applicants will be sent a sample script before being given their full roles. Forever immortalised in a top notch production is every boy and girls dream come true. And it could be you!

Good luck and good afternoon.

Check out Sinkingship videos whenever your ready.