998 frustrations

It is becoming increasingly difficult to enjoy the internet.
Without giving too much away about a top secret super project I am part of I need to record some music and I have a need to utilise the wonderment of this golden age of technology.

With what amounts to a good proportion of the western worlds brain boxes and techno-geeks at my disposal, I like to think they all live inside this little box I call a laptop, I thought it would be a jolly good wheeze to see what kind of programs and websites were available for me to use for free and create a little something for the world to enjoy.

But alas no. That does not seem to be the case.

I dutifully perform my tasks of using search engines, googling here yahooing there and quickly realise that what I want and how I search are not necessarily as linked as what the things I am looking for or how they are filed on the internet.

FREE TO DOWNLOAD MUSIC CREATOR

MUSIC MIXERS

MUSIC MAKER

MUSIC MAKING SOFTWARE

FREEWARE MUSIC CREATOR

The list goes on....

I have spent hours – HOURS – typing in a combination of words to find direct links to suitable websites for this project. Nothing suitable came up.
After an age had passed and the ends of my fingers had become numb due to the constant tap tap tapping on the keyboard, I decided to tack a different tact.
Surely somebody else has had the same idea as me and wanted help. I thunk to myself.
Thunking is a bit like thinking only for stupid people like me.

I began an arduous journey, scrolling through pages and pages of questions on music and computers and recording and this and that and the other only to find no rest bite from my quest.

What to do – my inner voices quizzed me in what I suspect was more of a mocking tone than of concern.

I ventured on the path of retracing my steps.

I back linked through as many pages as I could, re-reading and scanning for particular words but still to no avail.

But then...

Then I found what I was looking for. Just there hidden away in a little dusty corner of the World Wide Web. The page I had been searching for all afternoon!
It was a miracle.

I’m not ashamed to say this folks, but I wept a little. Just a little mind.
I clicked the link and got straight to work.

The night was drawing in and I wanted to have something to work with off line, so got cracking.
On each program I used I was allowed to start creating.

It was fantastic.

A little blues sax here, re-pitch some orchestral synth here, scratching that sounds really good in the middle of this bit...
All was going well. I would soon have a masterpiece on my hands.
I wanted to save what I had so far and so pressed the save button only to be met with this sarcastic message.

YOU ARE NOT LOGGED IN. LOG IN TO SAVE YOURT WORK.

Bugger. Never mind. I will set up an account FOR FREE and save what I have done so far. Cool.

Email address typed in, password selected (I always used password 123 – nobody will ever guess that one) password retyped. Tick the box to accept terms and conditions without even bothering to read it and...

THIS SERIVCE COSTS $14.95 (NORMAL PRICE $23.95) WOULD YOU LIKE TO PAY MAY MASTERCARD VISA OR PAYPAL.

The answer to that question is a simple piss off.

I don’t not wish to pay. I wish to use your advertised free features.

I wish to abuse your hospitality and then leave without even offering to help with the washing up.
I don’t wish to leave a donation although the offer of making a donation at the start of my session would be preferable to demanding money from me after I’ve spent ages making a funky track.

Screw you.

I know that I’m being cheeky, using somebody’s program that they have slaved over in silicon valley or wherever, but there are free programs out there for people to use, freeware programs, bits of half finished editions of full programs that people are free to use, some features are missing or need to be paid for. But when I’m asked to pay to save my work – that’s cheating.
The ability to save is not “an added extra” it is a necessity. It is a fundamental right to not have to start again or even just leave that page and say goodbye to hard work as a pre-teen mum might leave her premature baby by the bins behind a hospice.

It’s just wrong.

I have no idea how I am supposed to complete the work I have set myself to complete.
I have a guitar and a crappy microphone. But I want something more. I want YOU to listen to the finished product and enjoy a clear and varied sound.

As of now, due to the selfishness of the internet and the Ebenezer Scrooge style tight-fistedness of my own self – it may just turn out to a complete shower of shit.


5 minutes have passed since I wrote that last sentence.


I know there is a way to do this.

There has to be a way to complete my work without taking out a second mortgage or selling a kidney.

I will prove to those who have said it cannot be done - that it can.

There is always a way.

By hook or by crook nail this bugger.

It may take longer than I had expected but I vow to you here and my faith in victory shall not be extinguished. The flame that is my desire to finish will grow stronger with each passing day. I will not rest, I shall not surrender. I will be victorious.


Screw you the world (until I need some help.)