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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Wednesday, 24 August 2011

The Dwarf

First: a disclaimer. (To be read and understood by dickheads. Everyone who is not a dickhead and understands that this blog is not to be taken seriously can skip this part and cut to the meat and gravy)

There are lots of people in the world who are disabled. Some physical, some mental. For some it is the cause of a horrible existence, for others is simply part of who they are. It defines them.
For all my ranting and raving I have no issue with anyone who is different than me. apart from those that are.
I am not having a go at people with disabilities. I just happen to have my favourite. Some people like blinds, some the legless or armless. For me it’s something else.
To get the most out of this blog please place your tongue firmly in cheek – just as I did when writing.
As a little added extra, try and work out which part of this essay I have Googled and which part is just my warped little mind going nuts!
Thank you.

If I had to choose my favourite disability it would have to be dwarves.

There are loads of really cool disabilities but for me dwarfism stands head and shoulders above the rest.
Dwarves are guaranteed work (pantomimes and comedy extras) and bring a lot more to society than some other disabled folks I could mention.

I’ve got nothing against disabled people and for the most part wouldn’t wish disability on anyone. But you have to play with the hand your given and it seems to me that dwarves have got the best of the bunch.

Yes, they may find it hard ride on  most rollercoaster’s or buy mucky magazines, what with them being sold on the top shelf in newsagents, but there’s always the internet for the magazines and the escalators in shopping centres lift must seem like a domestic version of Alton Towers Oblivion to little people so I guess it all works out.

A dwarf Nun in Prauge (on the right)

On holiday in Prague I even saw a tiny nun! So they are allowed to worship deities as well. Amazing!

Put it down Heather, nobody wants to see THAT!
There are loads of famous dwarves but not so many famous people with other disabilities. Which is a shame because in this modern age of equal opportunities you’d think we would be encouraged to laugh at others in the same way we are supposed to find dwarves funny.

Stephen Hawking isn’t THAT good at one-liners and when I see people laughing when he does say something mildly amusing, I can’t help but think its 85% patronising. Much like when people blindly agree with his theories on black holes.

I say this with a clear conscious because in the next few weeks (yes weeks!) we will soon start to see the posters for pantomimes.

In every town across the UK, theatres and town halls will soon be showing their own productions of Aladdin, Peter Pan, Puss in boots, Sleeping Beauty and of course Snow White which contains no less than seven of the little buggers.

These guys will do three or four shows a day over a period of three to four months which must make them the hardest working minority group in the world.

Look at his face.. He thinks he's people!
But did you not know....

To be considered to be a dwarf you must be less than 4’ 10” (147 cm) this does not include children as children are not dwarfs unless they have dwarfism and then they are dwarfs.


That there is more than one kind of dwarf?

Dwarfs come in two types mainly. There is disproportionate dwarfism where they have a normal head and tiny legs etc and then there is proportional dwarfism which causes really small people. There is even primordial dwarfism which is my favourite which causes really small people.
Primordial dwarf working harder than you and me

There are in fact over 200 types of dwarfism but then again there over three different types of fish. 
Which doesn’t tell us anything.

In ancient Egyptian pictographs it is clear that dwarfs were seen as holy and to be honoured and often reached high positions in society. This really does show how backwards we are sometimes.

Nowadays the dwarf is often found in TV and Movies playing roles specifically because of their height. Often its parts in fantasy and science fiction films. From hobbits or elves or little alien types, these people are able to fill a void and earn themselves many roles and a lot of money to boot!

Dwarves come in many shapes and sizes. Some are nice and friendly and others are nasty and mean. A bit like average sized people.
theres too much going here for me to comment.

People who have gigantism on the over love nothing more than to look down other people. So I don’t really like them that much.

That is why I appreciate the dwarf. Plus they also give wishes if you catch one. (Not true)

Thus concludes today’s lesson.

Stay safe.


  1. I love it :)

    You have one of the most amazing blogs ever.

    -The Anonymous Teenage Blogger

  2. Dwarves are cool! However, I think what would annoy me the most about being miniture is that a lot of people tend to speak down to you, as if you're a child - how bloody rude.

  3. Dwarves aren't disabled, you sizist turd! You'd soon change your tune if a dwarf grabbed your bollocks!

  4. @ Bumboy Hogface - your name seems familiar. have we met before??

  5. hehe - 'sizist turd', that's a new one, suits you :)

  6. guess that makes me a little shit. hardy har har


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