Bumferry Climbs The Property Ladder part 2

Man was created before Woman so He build a shoe rack for Her!

And Lo with much gnashing of teeth and with mighty curse words aimed toward the Heavens, the big bulky bookcase was erected for all the world to see. For generations to come, man and woman and beast would set their eyes upon this obelisk of wonder and ask "Is it meant to lean to one side like that?"

Verily, for there is no other reason to say verily, a woman who bares the initials Mrs H shall stand before the work of one man and she shall see the hard work and effort and toil that has been spent these past days and nights alone and with hands on hips shall say "I want it over there."

And man shall sigh the deepest of sighs and lift the dislocated fingers from a few posts ago and say "but it hurts still." and the woman known as Mrs H shall laugh a laugh of laughter and declare "fine" which every man knows to mean - it is not fine at all.

Days shall turn to just under a week and Man shall write on his blog that he has put up the bookcases and the sofa and the TV all by himself and the dog shall sleep on the floor.

But the dog does not understand that he is the servant and man is the master and shall jolly well sleep where the dogs wants to sleep, which always under the man’s feet.

Why do i have 6 screws left over?????

Here in ends the tale. But be forewarned that of the coming of the time when new carpets will be ordered and everything will have to be moved again for the carpet fitter shall come and so it is written that bruised finger or no bruised finger man shall forever more be the one to do the heavy lifting and get the blame for any marks on the wall, even if they were there already and you can't actually see them anyway unless someone points them out and you look really, really close.

Amen.

When You Point Your Finger 'cos Your Plan Fell Through

. . . You've Got Three More Fingers Pointing Back At You.

Yesterday I went out for my weekly food shopping.

EVIL!!!!

Not the most exciting start to a blog entry I’m sure you will agree but stick with it – it might just get better (none binding promise)

Whilst shopping for popcorn and a mountain of crisps and 3 for 2 boxes of tea bags (note the lack of fresh veg and/or fruit – although corn is a veg so that counts) Mrs H guided over to the clothes section.

I’ve never understood why supermarkets have clothes sections. Or technology aisles for that matter, if I want a DVD player I will go to a DVD player shop, not Sainsbury’s. Anyway, while milling around shoving my trolley into the legs of toddlers and pushing old peoples stock piles of easy to digest mash and sardines down to the other end of the aisles so when they turn around they believe the onset of Alzheimer’s has kicked in, Mrs H grabbed my arm and asked if I wanted a jumper.

I didn’t.

I told her so and then stopped in my tracks. There next to the jumpers were a whole heap of hats.

Now I like a good hat. Hats are very few and far between in today’s modern society.

I don’t mean those stupid baseball caps that people who defiantly do not play or even follow the sport of baseball wear, nor do I mean those farmers hats that have for some reason become popular amongst students and hipsters.

What I saw and fell in love with was a mini deerstalker style hat.

Working outdoors, as I do, and with the weather getting a bit nippy thoughts tend to gravitate towards the cold that will sweep way through and indeed around my head, so a hat seems like a good idea.

HATS - Always hiding something...

I tried on one of the hats.

It fit quite snugly around my cranium. I pulled the buttoned up ear flaps to see if the comfort still held once applied. The first flap popped out of its clasp with relative ease. The other flap however did not.

It took some tugging and pulling and a little swearword and then “pop”. I dislocated my finger.

How in the name of whichever deity is the right one did that happen?

I am somewhat double jointed and can pop my knuckles and bend in all manner of unnatural ways, but to dislocate a finger in a supermarket while putting on a hat is beyond the realms of normality.

Luckily the finger that has now swollen to twice its normal size is not a finger I have any great use for in my day to day activities.

It is not my main pointing finger, nor is it the one I use to pick my nose or scratch my behind.

I do tend to prod my navel with it, but that is a task I can train of the other fingers to perform until my finger is back to it full function.

Ouchy!

I will not be trying on any new hats for a while that’s for sure.