Bumferry Climbs The Property Ladder part 2

Man was created before Woman so He build a shoe rack for Her!

And Lo with much gnashing of teeth and with mighty curse words aimed toward the Heavens, the big bulky bookcase was erected for all the world to see. For generations to come, man and woman and beast would set their eyes upon this obelisk of wonder and ask "Is it meant to lean to one side like that?"

Verily, for there is no other reason to say verily, a woman who bares the initials Mrs H shall stand before the work of one man and she shall see the hard work and effort and toil that has been spent these past days and nights alone and with hands on hips shall say "I want it over there."

And man shall sigh the deepest of sighs and lift the dislocated fingers from a few posts ago and say "but it hurts still." and the woman known as Mrs H shall laugh a laugh of laughter and declare "fine" which every man knows to mean - it is not fine at all.

Days shall turn to just under a week and Man shall write on his blog that he has put up the bookcases and the sofa and the TV all by himself and the dog shall sleep on the floor.

But the dog does not understand that he is the servant and man is the master and shall jolly well sleep where the dogs wants to sleep, which always under the man’s feet.

Why do i have 6 screws left over?????

Here in ends the tale. But be forewarned that of the coming of the time when new carpets will be ordered and everything will have to be moved again for the carpet fitter shall come and so it is written that bruised finger or no bruised finger man shall forever more be the one to do the heavy lifting and get the blame for any marks on the wall, even if they were there already and you can't actually see them anyway unless someone points them out and you look really, really close.

Amen.

Bumferry Climbs The Property Ladder part1

I am writing to you today from my home, not the caravan.

It’s strange to be home for what is probably going to be the last time I will ever be in my home town.

Busying myself with packing books, DVDs, comics, clothes and all sorts of other bits of junk.

I can’t stay on line for long because there are 5 (yes 5) book cases to take down and a wall to paint so I will just get straight to the point (blimey, there’s a point to this...)

I will shortly be relocating from the caravan to a proper house. I haven’t lived in a place that has more than one room for over 18 months.

I’ve got used to living in an 18’ aluminium box for the past year and a half and am worried that the change will snap my already fragile psyche.

I am a creature of habit and the daily process of have to build my bed each night and carry water containers back and forth so I can make a cup of tea will soon become a faded memory.

I will soon re-know the joy of having a working tap with hot water coming out of it.

The elemental feeling of not having to travel across the site to have a shower or a bath will be something I plan to take full advantage of.

I will be able to watch a selection of television channels!

I will have the use of over three plug sockets.

These things will no doubt change my outlook on life somewhat.

But how will these things that most take for granted affect my views on life?

Only time will tell.

Chances are, not a lot. If anything due to the fact that I will have my run of modern technology and household plumbing I will have slightly more time o mull over the stupidity of the human race and find myself exposed to even more idiotic behaviour via the goggle box.

The hardest thing will be having to share my living space.

Mrs H will be moving down shortly and that’s when things will really kick off.

We have both gotten used to our own space and have to share things is going to be tough.

I know that as a man I will undoubtedly and catastrophically lose any and all arguments, decisions, and rows.

But for now it’s back to the packing.

I hate packing.

*please note there are no stupid pictures this week because the internet connection is stupidly slow oop north and I cant be bothered waiting an age to one to download... so just think of something funny and then comment on what you saw in your minds eye. thankyou.