Bumf's Birthday Poem.

Saturday was my birthday.

I have one every year.

People send me cards and gifts

and wish me merry cheer.


But it seems they just don't know me well

because I'm a proper old git.

There's something about a birthday card

that, to me, just doesn't fit.


A mass manufactured piece of paper

with picture of a train.

Says more about them than it does about me.

It drives me quite insane.


I have no love of public transport.

It does nothing at all for me.

Nor do cats or birthdays cakes

Or jokes that just aren't wi-tty.


I think they are a waste of money.

I'd rather have the cash.

Because cards just get thrown away

with the rest of the recycling trash.


Birthday cards are lazy.

They are full of someone elses words.

I suppose it's better than when the postman delivers

A box of steaming turds*



* I don't think it's the postman doing himself, but rather a jealous ex or an unknown nemesis - further investigation is required..

3 Years Old - Time For Change.

3 years ago today i first ventured into the murky world of blogging.

having moved away from the hustle and bustle of working in Manchester and living in a place called Oop North, I found myself living in a caravan in a field.

Home.

It’s a long story as to how I actually got there, but suffice to say I have never looked back - although Mrs H wasn’t too happy at having to put the bins out by herself.

It just me and the dog in those early days and together we spent the very cold winter of 2011 in a plastic box no bigger than your average sized skip.

We even made it onto the local news as the weather had got so cold the temperature dropped to MINUS 17 celsius.

Cold enough for Long Johns!

Starting the blog was a way for me to stop the voices in my head from taking over. I had no TV and the dog was not what you call a conversation hogger and so whist sat on the toilet (true fact) I came up with the name BUMFERRY HOGART.

It wasn’t until I registered the name that I realised I had made a mistake - these things happen when you have nobody to confer with - but it was too late to start again and so I had to go with it.

Madness ensued and random thoughts spilled out from my mind via my hands onto the keyboard and appeared on your screen through the magic of internets.

It has been an adventure. I have made some friends, gained a very small following and learnt quite a lot.

I might put some of it to use in the coming years.

But what was originally designed as a time wasting exercise to stave off boredom has become more of a hobby.

Granted it is by no means the best thing on the internet, nor is it the best blog out there. I don’t want to be. By being rubbish, it means everyone else is that little bit better by default - you are very welcome for this by the way.

But that was then. This is now and I think it’s time for a bit of a shake up.

This blog is going to go under a bit of a reconstruction.

A face lift if you will.

Regular postings will be arranged, a theme will appear over time and it will look like I have actually made some effort.

I will even make more of an effort to join in this little community we have.

I am an outsider by design, but will soon you come to know as your master… friend and together we shall entertain and educate each other in manners we can only dare dream.

Thankyou for reading and stay tuned for exciting times.

We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now.

Martin Luther King, Jr.