Women: Sex crazed or Just Misunderstood? A Special Investigation

As a man (I have a certificate to prove this fact) I often forget that woman have it pretty tough in our modern society.

Pay inequality, bras, not understanding jokes, the glass ceiling, the inability to whistle, and even (gulps) menstrual cycles are just some the everyday struggles that female women have to cope with.

But there is another problem, an unspoken issue, that I wish to discuss today.

I am in fact talking about the sexual desires of the lady folks of today.

As a male man, I am easily pleased. 

From the obvious boobs, bums or even just the slightest hint of flesh, any of the above are enough to satisfy most blokes basic urges.

Just to know they exist is enough to calm my base animal instincts to be honest.

Throw up a picture of any of the millions upon millions of age appropriate females that currently exist in the world and that will probably be enough to get me through my darkest moments.

A very typical everyday lady woman.

Women though, at least hetrosexual women, wish they had it half as good.

A quick look around the world of celebrities and I have failed to find a single man who I would deem anything higher than a 6.5 on the sexiness scale.

An above average man

Seriously.

A quick bit of research on Facebook shows that most of the womenfolk on my time line all (mistakenly) think that THIS bloke is sexy...

Sexy? or just Greasy?

This is Norman Redus, who plays the part of Daryl on the hit TV show The Walking Dead.

Look at him.

He is the epitome of desire.

Women want him.

They also want their men to be like him.

Unfortunately, most men do not like walking round looking like they are allergic to peanuts, soap and sleep.

This isn't make up you are looking at in that picture.

By all accounts, this is what Norm looks like on a good day.

A tramp.

Tamps are sexy now.

It used to be muscles or a beard, but now it's sweat and dirty finger nails.

I feel sorry for women... or at least I would if they had not brought it upon themselves.

David Beckham is still a fairly decent looking chap and I bet he knows to wash behind his ears.

Same goes for Brad Pitt. I bet he smells of Vanilla.

Women could opt to drool over these guys whenever they want. That's the joy of modern equal opportunities.

But they have been given the freedom of choice and it's gone straight to their heads and now they don't know what to do.

Madness has set in and now the beautiful women of the world are one small step away from becoming sexually aroused by a house brick.

Women: Beautiful in every way, but properly weird. 

Mooncups: A Word Of Warning.

I come to you all today with a word of warning.


That word is MOONCUPS.

What ever you do.... for the love of which ever God you believe in... DO NOT GOOGLE SEARCH that word.

While we're at it PLEASE DO NOT LOOK FOR THEM ON AMAZON AND READ THE DESCRIPTION. 

Especially if you are a man and do not wish to learn more than is good for you.

Some things are better left in the realm of ignorance.

MOONCUPS.

It is something you CAN NOT unsee!

DO NOT DO IT.

I know you are tempted but resist.

At the very least, what with all these computery things that track your every move online the one thing you do not want is tailored adverts popping up all over the place informing you that these things exist.

I did it in error and BOY OH BOY do I regret that now.

It's the same as doing a Google image search for BLUE WAFFLE (with safe search off) or watching that video LEMON PARTY.

Again DO NOT SERCH FOR THOSE THINGS.

DON'T DO IT.

DON'T!









AH-AH-AH! NAUGHTY. Stop it.

Here is a nice picture of Dame Thora Hird to calm you down.

Phew! Think I just saved the day there.




mooncups.

There Is A Difference Between Men And Women.

There are many differences between men and women, not least their names. But other differences do present themselves from time to time.

This very week in fact some major differences between myself and Mrs H have shown themselves quiet clearly.

Here is a list of some of things I have noticed that separate me and “her in doors”

My hobbies include, amongst other things writing this here blog, while typing away Mrs H is watching a program about time travelling Dinosaurs.

I enjoy a bit of sci-fi. Nothing wrong with that. I am a geek after all, however, I like to think that my tastes are a little more high brow that of my partner. While she enjoys shows about vampires, films about vampires and book about vampires, I can’t stand them.

Crying vampires, Emo vampires, vampires that don’t want to be vampires anymore but have a destiny to fulfil, vampires that are good guys endlessly talking about how vampires are just misunderstood all the way through to vampire shows that are just a cheap excuse for a couple of boob shots per episode. She likes vampires.

I do not. I prefer films with car chases, explosions and any sign of a talking dog with attitude is always an added bonus.

I am a geek. So is Mrs H. but different types of geek. For example, she is playing on Facebook games right now. Bubble witch. A game which involves hitting bubbles of colours into one another.

I am downloading a load of TED talks about math and science and technology.

You see, DIFFERENT style of geekdom.

Other differences include our musical tastes. While Mrs H is making a play list for holiday consisting of Iron maiden, Mega death, Telsa, poison and the like, my i-pod is chock full of Phil Collins, Paul Simon and well…. I’ve said enough on my tastes in music.

Mrs H likes to include on her list of hobbies the act of shouting at me, telling me off for typing too loudly, and getting in the way.

Apparently, according to Mrs H anyway, my hobbies include getting in the way, doing things wrong on purpose and being generally rubbish. I can’t disagree.

Anyway, the reason I am telling you this is because we are about to go on holiday (the first in three years) to a country where nobody else speaks English and will be forced to spend a whole two weeks in each others company without any other outside influences and there is sunshine (wowzers!!)

We fly on Monday. One of us may not return….. probably me.