Drinks, Updates And A Missing Tooth

last weekend I made a very impromptu decision to travel back to Manchester to visit my old drinking buddy.

"Let's do that pub crawl!" I immediately regretted saying.

"Well..." said Darren hesitantly "If you want to..."

"I do. I really think we can do this!" The eagerness outstripping my common sense.

"You're on." Said Darren knowing full well in would all end in tears. He is the clever one you see.

And so on Monday morning I jumped on a train and after a belated exchange of Christmas gifts we headed off into the wilds of Manchester city centre to complete the Manchester Heritage Pub Crawl.

We decided to only drink half pints of whatever local ale each pub served and at around 2pm we took our first sips of something called BLACK RAT.

it was nice.

We chatted and walked and drank and moved on from one pub to another. This continued for a couple of hours until we were joined by another friend known affectionately as The Incredibly Upsetting Boy.

The Incredibly Upsetting Boy and his Incredibly Upsetting hair style and skinny jeans (you can already begin to see why he is so upsetting) took a gulp of his pint and made a very strange face indeed.

"What on Earth is the matter my old chum?" I may have said with more emphasis on swearing and less on compassion.

The Incredible Upsetting Boy told of how he had lost part of one of his teeth and was in a lot of pain.

Both Darren and I laughed. 

The Incredibly Upsetting Boy did not laugh but instead made a noise akin to agony.

The decision was made that a chilli burger would numb the pain and very soon after we realised this was not a good idea.

Two more pubs were selected and numbers 14 and 15 were entered with suitable drinks consumed.

At this point in the evening I realised I had lost my list of pubs and so we said our goodbyes and went home.

On reflection, It was a bad idea... no STUPID idea of mine to think that we could make to 40 pubs in one day. 

This event will therefore stand as test run. 15 pubs in one day means that it should be more than possible to complete the whole list in 3 days. This is a task that will be completed before the end of this year.

The results however, will not appear on this blog but "somewhere else".

If you want to keep informed and see the video that will accompany this adventure then now is the time to get a front row seat to the newest hip hop happening down with the kids too KOOL 4 SKOOL (see what I did there??) internet ... um... thing by clicking this link: SinkingShip Google + Page

And then this one for good luck: SinkingShip Twitter Page

Teasers and ticklers will be popping up all over the place as stuff gets done.

It's going to be exciting, it's going to be fun.... IT WILL!

A Lost eye, Full Trousers and A Lost Child: My Wedding Day.

Well, What a week it's been.

Having got married to Mrs H last Thursday we buggered off and had little trip to York (which is oop north and to the right a bit)

We had a lot of fun and drinks and some proper nice food and walked and wlaked and walked and walked until our feet nearly fell off.

I even had to buy a new pair of shoes because mine were worn out!

Anyway, the wedding was lovely, as I say, however - being our weeding it didn't go without certain events taking place.

The following are very true very real events that actually happened during our "big day"

I had a wee here (inside)

My brand new mother in law very nearly lost a eye!

• A small child soiled himself twice!

• A medium sized child fell down a well.

• Someone fell out with somebody else.

• Everybody things my uncle is Eric Pollard from Emmerdale (he isn't)

• It was discovered that a 14 year old was more sexually active than 99% of the rest of the group.

• Mrs H has a very filthy mouth when she is drunk.

Other than that it was a great day and most other people enjoyed it.

Here is a child falling down a well. Enjoy.

Bumferry Day: In Review

Last weekend I declared a public holiday for one and all. I hope you had a better time than I did.

Travelling to Manchester was not itself a horrid journey. Mrs H and myself were singing (otherwise known as shouting and howling) to tunes by Queen and James and Jon Bon Jovi. Rocking out all the way to the grey skies of oop north.

We arrived at the hotel, only to be met with lies, anger and hatred.

After breaking a door and swearing at the car parking machine, we were awarded a free staff parking permit for the weekend.

Sometimes it pays to kick off – but remember to be grateful and thank the staff for their help when problems are resolved.

EEE-aaaar yo...

Having sorted out the fiasco of the parking we hardly had time to pick up our bags from the floor before a drunken Mancunian welcomed me home with the offer of a fight.

I didn’t have time to do a double take before being told “I’ll take you outside and f*ck you up” which was nice.

I opened the door for the man, and promptly told him to hurry up. It turned out he had interrupted my request for the car parking situation to be resolved to ask for the third time that afternoon if his missing wife had turned up. She hadn’t.

Posturing over, he buggered off and left me and Mrs H to go to our room.

Our room greeted us with equal distain.  Missing pillows and no hot water only exasperated our joint desire to re-pack and journey home.

Lenny Henry can kiss my arse if he thinks I'm coming back here!

Things didn’t get much better once we were out in the city centre.

What with the two premiership title contenders pushing each other for dominance in the league of kicking ball it seems that the desire to be in front has seeped into the mainstay of each and every idiot in the town.

No more so than the tricky task of buying pints of beer at a bar did this instinct bring itself to the fore.

Having been next in the queue to be served, I took my eye of the game and instantly found myself stuck between three bigger boys.

I gave up.

We went somewhere else.

The night ended a bit of a damp squib and Saturday was rubbish.

Sunday however – official Bumferry day was a much better affair.

Waking up with Mrs H’s cold, I found that breathing required more concentration than it should.

But it was Bumferry day and I was not going to beaten!

Thanks Mrs H... Thanks a lot!

We met up with friends (and Dave) and we drank and drank and drank...

We drank so much. And it was good. Even Dave, who never buys a round – bought a round!

It was unbelievable.

DAVE BOUGHT A ROUND OF DRINKS!!!!

True, Dave left before it was his turn again, but still. Dave buying drinks is like a solar eclipse. A rare event by any standards. (we shall learn about Dave in the future)

Hating Dave is a full time job.

In summary, we drank, we laughed, we coughed and sneezed. But we had fun until kicking out time.

There was no fighting, no pushing and shoving, no overly loud music. Just simple happy times.

That is what Bumferry day was supposed to be about.

Bumferry Eve was crap.

Bumferry Day was Great.

Bumferry Boxing day however, brought with it the biggest downfall of my immune system in years.

As I write this I keep hacking up bits of lung and other inside bits.

Worse thing of it is I’m not even ill enough to have the day off.

I’m just on the right side of having to carry on regardless.

Only another year to go.

I doubt I will be going back to Manchester for a long while though.

An Invitation To Have A Good Weekend.

Get your diaries out and jot this down my dearest readers, because next weekend(28^th Jan) is officially Bumferry Day(*).

It will be a very special weekend for me because it will be the first day I have had off for over 4 months.

Paaaaaaar-Taaaaaayyy!

That includes Christmas day, because although I sneaked a lie in, I still had to check around the site and open the gates for the half dozen campers that were more miserable than me and had escaped the horrors of the festive period to sit in a metal box in the middle of a field.

But enough of them and Christmas (the shops won’t be advertising for at least another 3 weeks yet) the important thing to remember is that I don’t have to get up for any other reason than bladder control this very weekend!

Hmm.... I think I need to point out that there is nothing wrong with my bladder.

*get back to the point Bumferry....*

Me and Mrs H are travelling back to the big smoke known as Mad-chester for the weekend.

We are going to meet up with friends and family and drink like a couple of stupid teenagers and eat filthy fast food and stay up until dead late and cause havoc (we won’t cause havoc because we are both too old for that kind of nonsense)

Mmmmm

While I’m off the reservation I want to invite you all to take part in your own way, by doing something you really want to do but never get the chance to, or because you  come up with a lame excuse to not bother.

Why don't ya come up 'n see me sometime?

Be it meeting up with friends or family or just sitting on the couch eating a massive bucket of deep fried chicken watching really naff 80’s brat pack movies whilst having a good old scratch. It doesn’t matter. Whatever blows up your skirt.

To coin an advertising slogan – Just do it!

For one day - be selfish. Don’t go to work, don’t bother getting dressed.

Or get all dolled up and go and out somewhere dead posh and pretend to be a famous film star.

Either way, just treat yourself.

Its MY weekend, but I want YOU to enjoy it as well.

Have a good one my friends – see you on the other side!!!!

If you can be bothered, why not comment below on what c-c-c-razy antics you will be upto to celebrate this most delicious of unofficial holidays. (or not, if you bloody miserable)

*not an officially recognised holiday. Days cannot be carried over. Any injuries or criminal records attained during Bumferry Day are of your own consequence and are not to be connected with Bumferry Hogart or its subsidiaries.