I keep losing things.
There’s no other way to say it. I keep losing stuff.
From house keys to my driving licence. From CD cases to
entire pairs of shoes. BOTH SHOES AT ONCE!
How is that possible?
Are my shoes capable of independent thought and decided to
run away from my smelly feet? I wouldn’t blame if they did. I’m glad they are
as far away from my nose as they could be because they really do hum at times.
But my missing foot wear is not an isolated incident. On an
almost daily basis any item I own can disappear without warning or notice.
But it’s not just the physical things that venture beyond my
grasp.
It’s now abstract things like thoughts and memories.
These past few weeks I have found myself trying to recall events
that have occurred in my life. Fun things like parties and big life events like
jobs and moving home and meeting people who I now consider to be loved ones.
Upon pointing my eyes upward in an effort to engage brain I receive
natures equivalent of a 404 error and a giant invisible question mark appears
just beyond my line of sight.
I know it’s there… I just can’t cant put my hands on it,
much like passport or that spare USB cable I was saving for whatever it was I
was going to do with it that I can no longer remember.
It’s awful.
I feel like I should visit the doctor to see if there is
something actually wrong with me – but I am still 60-75% sure that Mrs H is
just mucking around with me and keep moving things around.
I’m not the best at tidying up ( I am a man, it’s in my
genes) but Mrs H can’t be plotting my down fall. I’m not insured.
In fact, a few yrars ago I was told by one of the big
insurance companies that my lifestyle choices (???) meant that I was – and I quote
– “UNINSURABLE”.
At the time I DO remember feeling quite proud that the fact
I lived on a diet of custard creams and Guinness meant that none of the multi
million pound life insurance companies would take the gamble that I would be
alive long enough to cover the basic cover of a cheap funeral.
Jokes on you suckers, because I’m still here….. most of my
things have done a runner – but I’m still kicking (and coughing and spluttering
and wheezing) my way through life.
Having worked in the world of life insurance I knew a little
of how it all worked and thought it would be interesting to find out how much
cover I could get and as we have seen the answer came back as NONE!
On a side note – don’t bother with pensions, they are really
rubbish and not worth the hassle.
Trust me – I could only handle pension calls when I was in
the fuzzy place between… wait, what was I talking about……..