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Monday, 20 December 2010

17 December
As I’ve mentioned before I hate people to talk over the TV and to get around that I don’t have a TV.
Ok. I do HAVE a TV but I don’t have an aerial so I don’t actually watch TV per say. As I’ve said before I live in a caravan. (Were you not paying attention before?) But I do have employ a person to deliver certain programs via the medium of television to me every weekend. The shows I enjoy include the recent successful 6 parter the walking dead which is very good indeed and other such shows but they are of little importance for now.
But I don’t actually watch TV in the same way that you probably do.
And by that I mean sitting with my feet up on the sofa, jabbing the remote control channel surfing through hundreds of channels of tat to find a random piece of entertainment to distract my mind from the futility of my own pathetic existence and detailing all of the mistakes I’ve made in the fraction of time I have been alive compared to the almost infinite stretch of time that is everything only to find that every channel EVERY channel is broadcasting the same three adverts.
Apart from the BBC which just shows its own adverts for its own shows which are on at that moment in time. As a side note that’s almost the same and exactly the same as somebody talking about themselves in the third person.

Stop it the BBC.
But I digress.

TV, overall, is rubbish. Daytime TV doubly so.
From homes under the hammer to the fist clenching tripe The Wright Stuff and ... Jeremy Kyle.
Jeremy Kyle is too easy to belittle – I may return to that vile monster later on. But for now I would like to point out how moronic daytime TV is.
“But hang on a cotton picking minute” I hear you cry... “You just said you don’t have a TV and get shows record for you. Are you having Bargin hunt and Dickinson’s real deal recorded and sent to you on a regular basis . . .?”
To which I would reply “ nonono.”
Sigh, long story short, I have my morning cuppa and lunch in a kitchen that has a small temperamental television and I have to endure these above shows although I do like a spot of countdown (with the lovely Rachel riley) and little noels what’s in a box game.
But day time TV.
Mid morning TV to exact is dire. It’s so poor. I don’t know how people who are out of work haven’t taken up the task of whoring themselves at night to the point of exhaustion so they are too torn and tired in the morning that they have to cry themselves to sleep and are then too dehydrated from tears and tears (oh little word play there readers!) to sit down and suffer the brain rotting dribble that is beamed into their homes.
How can over a million people sit there, in the pyjamas with greasy hair and more children than they can give proper names too and think that they are being entertained and informed in a manner that is right and just?
It beggers belief.

I can only come to one conclusion over this horrific occurrence.
People are just awful. Sadistic masochistic tyrants of society.
Prime Minister David Cameron says he wants everyone to realise the big society.
Well Mr. Cameron all I can say is this – TURN OFF THE TV TRANSMITTERS FROM 9:30 UNTIL 3:25 (that’s the end of BBC news until the start of countdown – lovely, lovely Rachel riley)
By doing that you will force every single one of these unemployed mouth breathing oxygen thieves’ to take to the streets and find something else to occupy their god awful lives. Maybe, just maybe some of them will get a job or clear up the littler their devil children have cascaded into the streets. Or maybe they might just cease to exist through boredom and lack of interaction with the outside world.
The panic alone would cause a breakout of sweats and those who claim to be too fat to work will shred those extra pounds in a matter of days. The country would be healthier by proxy over night!
NHS saving galore!!
Unemployment will also be reduced – RESULT!!
Crime (them little sh*ts won’t have any excuse not to be in school) will almost vanish. – KERPLUNK!!!

It really is that easy.
It sounds too good to work, but that is the beauty of this plan. Just turn off the TV, sit back and watch your popularity figures soar.

Your welcome and I expect a cheque in the post any day now.

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