Bert and Ernie - What Is Love Anyway?

Excuse me very much indeed but who the hell woke up one morning last week and thought “I think Bert and Ernie off Sesame Street should get married.”

Just a couple of guys..

In the name of everything that is real, which adult on this planet thinks about things like that (apart from me!)

Why would two puppets, who are not real people but puppets, wish to get married?

Let’s put the fact that they in fact puppets to one side and presume that they are actual people and dissect why this online petition signed by over 7000 people is completely irresponsible and stupid.

Firstly let’s look at the relationship between Bert and Ernie.

Bert and Ernie are two guys who live together in what appears to be a one floor apartment. It has one bedroom in which these guys sleep in separate single beds. Ernie is always in the bath and therefore has good hygiene.

(should we use a) Rubber Duckie?

Bert is the one who cooks and looks after the accounts. He is highly strung.

Not only would these two learn to hate each other if they were to form a partnership other than that of convenience, but would lose their friendship in the process.

 

These guys have lived together for over 40 years and we have all gone seen parts of their lives. Through the happy times (the rubber ducky song) through the bad times (every other episode where Ernie leave crumbs everywhere or has the window open etc).

All in all it wouldn’t work. The fact that they are friends is what allows them to argue and have time apart if needed. In the end they always work it out because they realise what friendship is.

Now some of you reading this would say that applies to marriage too. But it doesn’t.

Marriage means that the two of you wish to be part of something special forever. Love is involved.

Not the love felt by friendship but a deeper love.

Bert and Ernie are not in love. And to force them to marry to would be wrong.

I give it 6 months..

This brings me to the second point.

By having a petition to have Bert and Ernie marry “to show tolerance of others to young people” what we would actually have an arranged marriage. Something that is generally frowned upon by the Christian/ western world.

Forcing two “people” to marry for our convenience would be more of a headache to explain to little jonnie snot face than it would to simply explain that two people can love and care for each other in many different ways.

saaay whaaa!?!?

The millions of conversations would go exactly like this:

Little jonnie: “Mum/dad... why are Bert and Ernie getting maw-id?”

Parent: “well son, when two people love each other and want to share it with everyone, they get married to show how faithful they want to be with each other.”

LJ: “okay. That seems straight forward... but why did they wait 40 years to finally marry?”

P: “well... erm... “

because i said you little shi...

LJ: “don’t lie to me. I may only be 4 and a half but I am a quick learner and am sensitive to the fact that you re my overbearing guardian who insists on always telling me the truth and instil how telling the truth is a very important part of trust between those we love...”

P:”ah... yes... well... there was an online petition and  ...”

LJ: “wait. What? You and all the other vegans got together and FORCED my favourite puppets to involve themselves in a marriage of convenience simply to appease your sense of right and wrong? That awful. I hate you and want to run away and/hurt myself.”

P:”bugger!”

Do you see how terrible it would be if Bert and Ernie get married.

 

Think before you speak out on these matters people.

Jeez!

Bert and Ernie are just a couple of guys. Leave them alone.