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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Jeff The Almost Serial Killer

Here is another pointless short story I have thumped out on the keyboard.

Short story:

Jeff had been sat still for quite some time. He had absolutely nothing to do.
The washing up had been washed up and there was nothing much on the television to watch.
The weather outside was wet and grey and the weather inside was comparatively calm and warm.
Jeff had discovered that there was nothing to do.

He had had a bath and felt no need to consume food.

Jeff was bored.

Staring at the walls he decided to become a serial killer.

There was no reason to become a serial killer but at least by working out a design he could fill the void that had become his existence, and it was better than doing nothing and wasting a whole Sunday afternoon.

First of all, he thought, I need reason to kill.

His rummaged through his mind looking for tortured memories of an abused childhood or horrific moment that required avenging, but alas Jeff had lived quite an ordinary life.
He had never been in a fight, nor had he fallen foul to crime. He had never been burgled or robbed. 

To his knowledge, he hadn’t even been short changed at the shops.

Jeff struggled deeply with this fundamental concept of anger.

There was no rage or malice within him to bubble up to the surface and explode in a fit of violence.

Maybe I should adopt a twisted logic to my killing spree, his mind said.
But try as he might he simply could not justify taking another’s life for his own gain.
Jeff looked at the digital clock on his video recorder. 

It read 5:56.

Oh, countryfile is on in a bit!

Jeff made himself a cup of tea and opened a fresh packet of rich tea fingers.

“My favourite!”, said Jeff to nobody in perticular.

Jeff saved many lives that day. By not becoming a mass murderer.

Jeff is a true hero and he will never know it.

We could all learn something from Jeff... I’m just not sure what that lesson would be?

Any thoughts?


  1. This was brilliant in it's simplicity.
    Loved it!

    (Though still haven't forgiven the comment about woman and giving birth. lol)

  2. I have had a thought Countryfile should be shown to all mass murderers before they go off to murder folk. In this way they would murder no one and so all would be well.

    If Jeff had suffered a power cut how the world could have changed (Not Jeff in person just the tele unless Jeff is an Android of course)

    Well done Mr H that Miss Lily never says I'm brilliant (however I have always associated the word with paint so mmmmmmmmmmmmm?)

  3. Jeff may have saved some lives, but has he ever donated to charity? If not, he's killed more people than he's saved.

  4. I enjoyed this, and I'm glad it didn't have a point. Literature that tries to have a point generally sucks in my opinion. There are a few exceptions.



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