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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Sunday, 15 January 2012

Self Pity And The Illusion of Popularity

First things first...
This is not a sympathy post – nor is it a begging post either. While reading this self deprecating post please be aware that I am incredibly bored and don’t know what I am doing with, well .  .  . all will become clear (I think).
I apologise now if this post is somewhat me me me and down beat, but a made up man has got to do what a made up man has got to do - even if I don't actually have to do it.
Now carry on.

In the never ending quest to occupy the time between any given moment and that point in existence when it all stops and nothing matters anymore I often find myself staring at the screen of my laptop in awe and wonder.
Boo Hoo - Im soooo alone...

The internet, as we all know, is full of nonsense and idiots (like this and me), but hidden amongst the highly unnecessary and quite vulgar amount of pictures involving naked women/men/various farm animals/household objects and any variation thereof not to mention the cornucopia  of puerile antics of faceless celebrities doing or not doing things. . . hidden somewhere in the darkest recesses behind the video of some pointy faced millionaires’ daughter doing things to a man and a couple of clicks away from the photo of “her off the telly who used to do that thing” is a thing called Google plus or Google+ for the internet savvy out there.

I however am not one of these internet savvy illuminati.

I am a bloke who has got far too much time on his hands although that does not excuse me for what I have done.
Waa-Waa I am interesting in real life...HONEST!!!

For some unfathomable reason I clicked a couple of buttons and ended up putting my face and name and DNA and inside leg measurement up on the web for all to see on the afore mentioned Google+.
For two weeks I have been staring at the pages of Google+ in mild confusion. Reading page after page of media types slowly changing their views on this new social website and how is becoming more and more popular, I thought I would take the leap of uncertainty and join up and learn what it’s all about.

Doing so, however, has left me feeling more alone than Lonely Len McSaddo from the village of solidarity.

When reviewing my so called circle of friends it really is laughably pathetic to include the BBC website and NASA (who are only there because they are the only things on Google+ that I recognise).

And so I find myself clicking on Google+ for no other reason than to play Millionare city. A game for children that is also available on Facebook, another screen to stare at but one which contains real life fleshy people I have physically touched in a none sexual manner (with their consent) at some point of my life. A time wasting exercise of futility that does nothing but mirror my own online existence.
*Sigh* Nobody knows the REAL me!

This is what happens when you go online using your real name.

Dicking about as Bumferry Hogart means I can pretty much say what I want about whatever subject I care and do what I choose without any real fear of consequence because. . .well, its not really me. I mean, it is me. I’m the one doing it, but the internet doesn’t know that (i think) and even if it did, I very rarely if ever do anything illegal or bad enough to warrant some policeman to drive all the way out here to extradite me to the US of A because if that did happen, I would just sulk my out of any argument they wish to put in front of.

So take THAT F.B.I.

And it’s amazing how little spam I get in my email.

In conclusion: I am an idiot. I know nothing other than I guess we’ll call it draw. I win in the anonymity stakes and the internet shows me just how much of a pointless battle it is because nobody was even watching, not even a spambot.

HA-HA! Screw you guys - I can lick my own balls!!

*ps – if anyone from the F.B.I. or C.I.A or Mossad or MI6 is reading this for any reason... that was just a joke y’know... don’t shoot me or anything... thanks.


  1. Yo my man I'm on Google+ although I never look at it because I forget. I forget loads as it happens I have an artist bloke in my circle of friends who said could I add him to his circle of friends I think. I still dont know who he is. And I have my very good friend Captain Nessman of the High Seas the famous Pirate, but Captain Nessman uses Google+ less than me. So dont worry I dont think it is anything to do with you I think the truth is no one understands how the hell google+ works and if they do they are hiding from those who don't like us.

    After all look at Blogging it is full of cute babies and God (AND QUITE RIGHT TOO EXCELLENT USE) rather than mad folk. So I for one will stay true to my own mind and not worry of google+ and the fact that every other blog in the world has more followers than me ME WHO POSTS EVERY DAY AND WRITES LOADS WITH NO CUTE BABY PICS ...... Ooo sorry about that just a slight slip of the tongue, where did that saying come from .....maybe best not to know OK MR H (OR WHO EVER YOU ARE ????) dont worry be good and try to look on the plus side of all this HA HA HA HA HAH AHH AAh hah hah ahh hahahah hahahh a

    1. Cheers Rob. Your kind words and maniac style laughter warms my heart and tickles my cockles (do i have cockles? will check at the doctors next week)It is quite unnerving just how many God blogs are out there. ive nothing against god, or any other deity for that matter, but wowzers people have a lot to say on his/her behalf.
      I wonder if He is on Google+.....

  2. God would only get cross on Google+ .......... I don't think I can ADD anything to that HA HA HA HAH AH hhahah ah hhah hahahahah haha hah haha

  3. I may not be on Google+, but I do read your stuff often. Thought I'd let you know in the hopes that it stops you killing yourself or something.

    1. Good God, do I come across as THAT depressed??? oops. i would never even consider bumping myself off... mrs H would kill me! but thanks for reading my ham fisted attempts at communication with the real world. . . you ARE in the real world aren't you??

    2. I hope so. If I'm not in the real world, then I'm going to have a hard time returning that faulty router I bought the other day.

  4. Bumferry's not your real name?!


    You should do the Spidermanesque 'Bumferry No More' storyline.

  5. Hi. Um, I've never posted a comment as one blogger to another blogger before because I'm new at this. Not new to the internet in general, just the blogging stuff. Anyway, it's so weird to read this post because it was pretty much exactly what I was thinking this morning when I was formulating my next post. Word for word. Seriously, I wish you could see my notes. (Yes, I scribble notes with a marker on the nearest pad available. I'm such a techie.) Okay, I'm getting cold feet about publishing this comment. It is not coming out how I wanted. I'm not worthy. And my google+ account is, in fact, under my real name. Ugh. Seriously, great post. (hit publish, do it, rrrrr...)

    1. Okay, gosh, sorry, hi, me again. I just wanted to clarify something in my last comment that is bugging me to think that maybe it didn't come out right. Because, obviously I wasn't literally thinking "word for word" what you wrote in your blog, just, you know, "my sentiments exactly", kinda thing. I mean, what you wrote was terribly clever and spot on, and I don't mean to imply that I'm on your level or anything. People will have to make up their own minds about that. Not that we are in competition for readers or that anyone would be comparing us or anything. I mean, I only have 2 followers, and that includes me and my husband. Wow. That is sad.
      Sorry. I knew this "commenting" thing was going to get way out of hand for me. Please just forget it ever happened. Thanks.

    2. Hi there TMP dont worry about posting a comment on anyones blog. its why we do it. any comment good bad or random is welcome here.
      you are more than welcome to share my level if you like, it can get a dark down here in the basement of crappy mind farts, but i'd be glad of the company.
      and dont fret about the followers based purely on your comments you can count me in as a new one!

    3. Faith in Humanity = Restored. Thanks!


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