About Me

My photo
The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Tregaurd And The Aeronautical Conumdrum


There’s something I’ve been meaning to get around to and the start of this brand spanking new year seems like a good a place as any.

So bare with me if you will while I ask this seemingly simple but puzzlingly (well for me anyway) question...

How in the hell do aeroplanes stay up in the air?


ITS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE SOMETHING LIKE THIS WILL LAND ON YOUR HEAD!

I know there’s some sort of science involved, maybe physics or some such thing, but whenever I see one of these gigantic metallic Smartie tubes hanging in the air, I can’t help but stare in stupid awe at the fact that these monsters of the sky isn’t falling at great speed toward the ground.

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!
How can it be that something as huge as an aeroplane can simply glide through the clouds adhering to some form of manmade philosophy about which way is up but can also, at the same time, completely ignore natures greatest gift known as common sense?

If I, or indeed you, were to throw a shoe into the air it would go up for a little while and then fall back down to the ground.

WHY?
Launch a phallic silver missile with wings into the air full of people and clothes and pre-packaged meals and airline lottery scratch cards (does anyone ever buy one of those things I wonder?) and over sized tubes of Toblerone and woomph! The law of gravity takes a back seat and we all end up in Tenerife.

I am not scared of flying. No sir!

Statistically, when flying 50% of the time i am travelling to a warmer sunnier place called HOLIDAYS! That is a far greater percentage than any other form of transportation I may use in my day to day life.

Flying is good. It just goes against everything I know to be real.

SPELLCAST THIS YOU LITTLE BUGGERS!!!
Its like the matrix or 1980’s kids show Knightmare but with a less obvious drunken madman screaming at little kids.

5 comments:

  1. Knightmare was awesome. A show where a child walks blindly into a ghoulish CGI dungeon whilst his friends watch his inevitable death, unable to do anything but scream out barely coherent instructions in vain? It just wouldn't get commissioned these days.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I take it 50% of the time you are travelling to a colder wetter place (home). And interestingly enough I notice over sized tubes of Toblerone statistically have never fallen out of the sky. Well maybe just the one incident in the Bermuda triangle after the sum of the square (of economy class) was found to be equal to sum of the square of the other two sides (business and first class)

    Ooooo by the way surely you mean Crackerjack. If only I had a pencil for every time someone said ..............

    ReplyDelete
  3. Planes work by magic, it's harvested from deepest sri lanka then shipped over the world to fuel pre programmed wings which are then attached on planes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dan - I knew it was magic or some such thing. bloody wizards!

    Addman - Knightmare SHOULD be re-made, TV is missing a trick by not opening up a massive warehouse full of second rate actors in jesters uniforms, jumping out at a kid with an oversized helmet on his head.

    Rob - CRACKERJACK! (was just a little before my time, but nice try)

    ReplyDelete
  5. That is a very good point about the statistamatics La.

    That first plane looks like the flats near our shopping centre and about as desirable to be in.

    ReplyDelete

How did this get here?