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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Friday, 12 October 2012

No Smoke Without Fire

“Throw enough shit and some of it sticks” or so said the late Rod Hull.

With that in mind I shamelessly present a list of statements that may or may not be true about certain celebrities, famous names and or people in the public eye.

I leave up to the persons mentioned in here (or their lawyers) to denounce the lies written bellow.
If even one of these so called facts is true, then we live in a very sick and twisted word.

If you know of any pseudo-fact that should belong on this list or have any cold hard evidence that may prove any of the terrible things I have made up on the spot, please feel free to share.

Here we go!

  • Alistair Stewart (of ITV news and police camera action fame) enjoys chewing on balsa wood as a treat.

  • Bill Gates has vowed not to “do a toilet” until they start putting the cardboard strip back in bounty’s.

  • Philip Scofield was born without any gender specific genitalia.

  • Janet Jackson can kick a cat over 26 feet without taking a run up and bloody loves it.

  • Jamie Oliver spits in every single packet of Sainsbury’s taste the difference range.

  • Sean Connery refuses to believe in the country of Japan.

  • In 1993 Dame Judy Dench punched a nun so hard the nun became diabetic before she hit the ground.

  • Tim Roth is the only person in the world who can tickle himself silly until he does a little wee.

  • David Cameron is not allowed in the same room as anyone with a mole on their face because he won’t stop screaming.

  • Only 7% of Americans are self aware.

  • The smallest man in the world is a fraud. He is actually just a bit further away than you think.

  • Jonny Depp is knocking off Helena Bonam-Carter and Tim Burton loves it.

  • Popeye was a rapist.

  • Only 4% of British people can read the word                   .

  • Barak Obama sometimes forgets to wash his hands properly after he has been to the little boys room.

  • David Dimbleby hates the working class so much he refuses to handle coins in case a pauper has “breathed on it” (his words not mine)

  • Ricky Gervais does not use toilet paper when wiping his bum.

  • Paul Simon is incapable of swallowing.

  • Harry Hill is bald because he lost all his hair in a bet with Bill Odie over whether or not “dwarves can swim”

  • Jeremy Kyle sniffs the chairs of his guests after each and every show and sighs the words “AAAh Bisto” so it echos around the empty room.

  • Steven Hawkins is a sexual predator and only uses his wheelchair to get sympathy sex from 2nd year physics students.

  • Myleen Klass couldn't give a shit.

  • Prince William is afraid of the dark and only married Kate because she is luminous which why he makes her walk a lot in sunny countries.

  • Lenny henry died in a waffle incident in 2002 but nobody told him.

The internet if rife with rumours, why shouldn't this blog be any different.

“There’s no fucking smoke without fire” – Ghandi. 


  1. Loved this. Let me try some:

    Jimmy Saville is a paedophile...oh wait...

  2. Prince Charles apparently keeps drawing moustaches on 1st class stamps with pictures of his mother on . . . . . . or so I was told by a Corgi.

    1. He DOES do this. There was law passed that meant he was only allowed to use pencils and had to pass them onto the post office. the post office now employ a little man to rub out all of his "etchings" which is why a 1st class stamp now cost more than a pint of dirty beer.


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