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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Thursday, 11 April 2013


How is it possible that I can be made of the same standard structure of DNA as the person who thought The Jeremy Kyle show should be renewed?

When will there be a reasonable explanation for Daily Mail readers?

At what point in human history did it become the norm to only half wear jeans so that your bottom is on full display?

Has anybody in the world EVER used the aux button on their remote control… and I mean did they ever press it on purpose, not press it by accident and then panic because the TV went black and you have to press all the other buttons just to convince yourself you have not broken the bloody thing!

Why is nobody sterilising the people who think it is acceptable to spit in the street?

Is there nothing the government can do to stop the tyrants of this nation who hide behind archaic laws and continue to flaunt common sense by spending vast amounts of money on telephone votes because they truly believe their call will be personally answered by Ant and/or Dec?

Are we not supposed to be living in a decade where nobody has any money but yet we have queues outside the Apple shop when a new headphone cable is announced every six months?

Is there a single person in the world who can explain why there is any need for Argos to have its own TV channel?

But for all these crimes, you – the human race are ALL GUILTY of one sole crime against common sense that is truly unforgivable.

The crime of leaving your trolley right in front of the thing on the shelf that I want to reach.

Disgusting! VILE creatures.


Do you have anything to say in your defence before I pass sentencing?



  1. Well Mr H, it is talk like this that makes you a truly great member of RATs. Sorry about leaving my supermarket trolley in the wrong place, but did you see the cheese aisle, it was pensioners discount day. (why anyone would wish to buy a pensioner even with 20% off confuses me).

    Very funny, well done sir.

    1. Thankyou Rob - but how did you know it's always the cheese aisle? hmm.... curious! hahahaha

  2. in my defence I'm only 5' 3" tall and I had to go get the steps to reach the item on the top shelf that I really, really needed lol, as for Jeremy Kyle...no way man, can't watch that unless I'm doped to the eyeballs on medication for my back...seriously

    1. This is a borderline defence, but I am a weak willed man and therefore you are let off..... this once. ;O)


    1. I can here the cry from the public now . . . . BUMFERRY BUMFERRY BUMFERRY . . . .OUT OUT OUT..... Dont do it Mr H, think of the expense to the nation when you die....

    2. If I was Prime minister would I have to answer to the Lil man when/if he succeeds in his quest for world domination? I reckon a deal could be struck that could suit both our needs.... mwa-hahahahaha.


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