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Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Old age

I am getting old.

I know I am because technology is becoming a stranger to me.

Things that I once was able to do with ease are now a Rubiks cube wrapped in a 1000 piece jigsaw surrounded by very sharp question marks that smell of really bad Idon'tknow-whats.

Changing passwords, setting up email accounts, downloading the BBC i-player. All of these things ha ve stumped me this week.

All I want to do is make life that little bit more easy, but alas computers seem to have other ideas.

Google seems to be the main culprit at the moment. Being on Google does allow me to have a blogger account, you tube and gmail and all other manner of wonderful things to play with. However, if I want to do "a thing" or something similar I am left with nothing more than a primeval urge to launch my computer through the bloody window.

I have not done that yet but there is still time before I go to bed....

Even my remote control has got it in for me. The BACK UP button has backed all the way down and I have to keep flicking it out. The wifi is more temperamental than Mrs H when we have run out of cream eggs and if I stand on another plug before the bank holiday I'm going to cancel Christmas.

It does seem that the more freedom I have online the more things go wrong more often.

I am a weak person and fully admit I would be lost without the internet but it seems to have outgrown its purpose as a tool and has somehow gained a simplistic form of sentience (simple,but more intelligent than me) and has decided to have a pop at me.

Don't worry. We're not talking SKYNET style intelligence here but a more generic cyber-grump that simple refuses to do what it is told and has the power to stop working altogether.

I'm getting old. I know this.

I'm not even going to bother talking about my ever expanding gut or those six grey hairs that I can no longer deny or even my creaking kness that sound like my legs are made of dry grass.

It won't be long before I start talking about the war and complaining about how TV is too loud... even though IT IS!

oh bugger.


  1. "creaking knees that sound like my legs are made of dry grass". I love that line. I know I'm getting old because I say "oomph" every time I get up from a sitting position and hold items at arms length, just so that I can read the label like my mum does and she wears bifocals!

    My computer keeps telling me "No." And I'm pretty sure the other day, it called me a bitch. My computer hates me. :)

    1. I Ooomph so much that I forgot all about it. I thought my funky reclining chair would help. but no! now I HUuurr-ooomph, which can't be good..

  2. Hello Mr H, as the young eccentric child of cyberspace I am young and bouncy so I feel I must hand you over to my good friend the Ghost Writer because he is OLD . . . .

    Hello yes I am the Grumpy Ghost Writer and yes I know about old because I am old but sadly not quite old enough to be able to retire on my pension which is enough to buy a cup of tea each day. I kid you not I have a private pension of 80p a day so am forced to look in the back of computers. But old people do not understand computers so in general I sort of break them, luckily the old people whose computers I fix are oblivious to this fact.

    As for wifi all I will say is its more fickle than my cats, but a tip make sure you are more that 6-10 feet away from the router. As for Google only download things with a G in them.

    Six grey hairs is kind of cool I have more than that, so many more I cant count them but I like looking like the professor from back to the future, although my wife says I am a scruff (I am a scruff).

    That Basil Faulty had the right idea hit the bugger with a stick works every time, anyway I am off now after all I am a Ghost Writer and should remain hidden, drinking my one cup of tea and eating a crust of bread scavenged from a passing seagull.

    Oooo yes I make that noise too when I get up. I blame God he must have thought up this OLD concept.....

    1. Hello GW, Getting old is no fun is it. I don't know how you cope with the child of cyber space running around all day - must drive you quite mad! hahahaha.
      As for the router, nothing is simple in my life (as I'm sure you know) and a good example of this is that my wifi router is located in the shop/reception on site as that is the only building with a telephone line and is about 20 meters away through two sets of double glazing windows and at least one very thick wall. (the router sits on top of the coca cola fridge and has a massive booster for the campers.) Oh and it has to compete for signal strength with BT Openzone, the public Wifi and the office computer which zips over my head.
      Its a bloody wonder I can get online at all AND don't glow in the dark with all these radio waves bouncing off me.

    2. Hello Mr H it is I again GW and because I am old I suddenly glazed over as soon as you got all technical, I will sit down and have a cup of tea. DAMN two in one day that's my saving gone again.

  3. lol, you and your creaky knees make me giggle.


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