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Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Keep The Noise Down In There.

I have rolled my sleeves up and decide to try and make a change.
Doing this is going to be tough and probably won’t work but sod it if I don’t try then I don’t stand any chance of  becoming rich and famous making a change.

First, a bit of background.

I am not in the least bit political. I do watch the news and take an interest in what’s going on in the world but have no particular political leaning (although I have done one of the tests on line, but I think they are fixed anyway).

Whenever I see the house of commons on the news I always have same dreaded thoughts. They generally go something like this:

Oh god here we go, a load of toffs and snobs with no idea what is actually going on in the world… etc etc


Is that old bloke asleep?

Next comes:

Oh.. I actually agree with that statement that man/lady who seems to be paying attention made.

Quickly followed by:

What did that other man/woman say then? I couldn’t hear because all those others were shouting and waving bits of paper

Immediately after:

For god’s sake, why are they all shouting across the room? I can’t hear what important statements are being made – I can’t believe that guy is STILL asleep!


Nope! I have no idea what they’re going on about… why is nobody checking to see if that pensioner is still breathing?

And so on and so forth.
noisy buggers at work

Now, I not too bothered if somebody dies in office, at least they were at their place of work and not cleaning out their duck pond or white washing their castle walls or whatever. But the point remains there are far too many occasions where something very important is being said that needs to be heard but these cretins are too busy shouting H’RAAAR and A-BOOO like it’s some sort of pantomime.

I am not aware if other parliaments in other countries act like this. 

I’m willing to bet that they don’t.
Ah... maybe I'm wrong...

I know there have been times when it all kicks off and politicians start scrapping, but our molly coddled wimps can only bring themselves to wave a bit of paper from across the room at each other and shout things like “SHAAAME!” or .. well I don’t know because it just inaudible noise.

It’s as if somebody let a pack of chimps loose in a room full of sugared up toddlers.

It’s just noise.

It serves no purpose other than to annoy me.

I don’t like being annoyed. Especially when it dawns on me that these chumps are at work AND on TV.

If you or me acted like this in our place of work during a meeting we would probably be asked to leave and and go through some kind of disciplinary meeting.

The best that these fruit cakes get is a stern look from the speaker of the house of commons.
"Shaaat it you slaaaaag!"

To be fair to  Rt Hon John Bercow, he does try. I have seen him a few times really giving some MP’s a good verbal lashing. But it’s not enough.

They don’t listen.

They don’t care.

These people are supposed to be our representatives in matters of law, order, health, education, economy, transportation, sport, the arts, the environment and everything in between.

I genuinely do not believe that while they are screaming like idiots at each other they are giving their full attention to the things that matter.

Therefore I suggest a change in the way things are done.

Before anyone stands up to speak, Mr Speaker should tell everyone that they must listen with the ears and not their mouths.

Anyone who does shout and says “a-boo” or what ever, will be forced to sit through the rest of the session with their fingers on their lips.
Nobody heard the fireworks BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO BUSY SHOUTING!

If they continue to shout they should be forced to put a £5 note into a big coffee tin in the middle of the room and the money collected would go towards reducing the economic deficit.

I think this idea would work.

MP’s got their  M&S knickers in a right old twist when they were told to stop cheating on the expenses forms so it stands to reason that any risk to loosing their own cash would stop them from embarrassing themselves in this manner with immediate effect.

I have previously used Twitter to try and get MP’s to shut up while they were on TV, but this resulted in a number of them blocking me which isn’t very nice at all.

I didn’t swear at them, I was as polite as you can be in 140 characters and informed them that it just wasn’t very British of them to raise a stink like this.

We are a proud nation but we don’t like to cause a fuss. It’s not how we do things round here.

I have sent this post around twitter to all the MP’s I could find before I got bored. (EDIT: i managed to send this post to around 20 MP's on twitter before I broke it)

If you are an MP and you are reading this, please feel free to print a copy off and stick on your bulletin board in the staff room.

If you know an MP, please feel free to print a copy off and give it to them with the words – “SSSSHHHHH!”

Together we can make a change and stop MP’s from acting like children. By working together we can make them get on with things and earn their wages and more importantly I can turn the volume down on the TV.

Thanks for reading.

Please keep the noise down.


  1. Its a lost cause Mr H. This is the way they act, I bet some of them are as rude at home too jeering as their children try to tell their mothers that they need there sports gear today and it is not their fault it has been in a bag under their bed since last week.

    I noticed today a woman behind Mr Balls (I cant help but think there might be something to snigger at there) as he read his response to Ossy Osborne's stuff in typical political bravado . . . . God it annoys me so much, hang on while I leap about a bit. . . . . . Anyway this woman had her iphone on and was obviously on twitter or the like, if I did that at work or at a meeting I would be told to put it away, but no.... all this stuff is allowed because it is all jolly hockey sticks private club jollies. MP's are rubbish its a semi private world where corruption and greed gets them all in the end with there allowable expenses and the like.......... Oooooo it makes me mad.

    I think I better go Mr H I sound all militant now I need a Custard Cream . . . . And I bet they get theirs free the ************ s

    1. I bet they flipping do. I know that MP's can buy whiskey in the house of commons shop and don't have to pay and duty, so it's dirty cheap. By that standard they probably get paid to eat custard creams.... but I reckon most of them are fans of jammie dodgers.

  2. You've raised a good point Mr H and come up with some valid solutions to what is obviously a gross mark of disrespect. Too busy I'm still laughing at 'shut it you slag', to come up with a coherent answer. :)

    1. Maybe that's what is needed. get Ray Winstone in there or some other part time cockney thug to sit there eating jellied ells with a knuckle duster and loads of tattoos and everytime it gets a bit too loud he can whisper "Set-ewl daaaarn" or something.

      I would pay for that.

  3. I kind of like the shouting and insults. I like to base my political opinions based on who can come up with best ice burns against the opposing party.

    For example, Ed Balls said of George Osbourne yesterday "He's called George, the President calls him Jeffrey, but to everyone else he's Bungle".

    This coming from a man called Balls.

    1. I have no issue with basic name calling and quips. it's all the BAAAA-ing and UUUURR-ing that means I can't hear if anybody has said "Oh SNAP!" or "OH NO HE Di-ent" which would make politics a lot more Fresh prince of bel air and less Will Smith....(I think Will Smith has lost his cool you see... that's what I'm implying there.)


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