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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Friday, 12 July 2013

Stat Attack (part two?)

According to reports published recently, the act of over filling your kettle cost the UK £68 million per year.

This is of course a shock tactic used by statisticians and eco warriors to get us all to think about how much water and energy we waste.

"I'm so much MORE than just a number..."

This is why I love statistics.

They are just a bunch of made up umber and words that make no sense.

How on earth do THEY know just how many people I’m brewing up for?

Do they know that I drink my cup of tea from a pint pot and not one of those stupid little children  cups?

No. I don’t think THEY do.

Have they taken into account the millions saved from the dirty sweaty buggers who don’t even bother to have a bath or shower – TWICE ON HOT DAYS! Thus, reducing the amount of water they don’t use bathing to even less than zero?

"Ah Ain't bathed ma bit's fer Month's"
No. I don’t think they do.

Stats are brilliant and rubbish at the same time.

There are real life stats about every aspect of existence out there. All being used to somehow quantify and label our lives.

Now, I don’t want to sound like one of those “big brother is watching you” types… I’m more like of those “Big brother is making up stuff about you to make you look silly” types.

Stats about the weather are my favourite.


The news people orgasm through the TV screen.

I could not care less. PLUS, it has been hotter in the past, so what is the point of this exercise you idiots??

I have spoken previously about how stats used on adverts are the worst misleading nonsense around.

In a nut shell I encourage you to take a good look at those eye liner commercials on the TV box. They always come at you with something along the lines of “87% of 109 women agree”

206.19 men agree??? 
That does not make sense.

The only thing I was good at in school was maths… well that selling cigs to the bigger boys for 50p a time…(cigs were much cheaper back then and I made a small fortune).. and I can confidently tell you that 87% of 109 is … *carry the two, plus the first number you were thinking of minus your mums birthday….* is 94.83 which means that somewhere there is a woman who’s opinion does not count as a whole person and THAT IS SEXIST!

Possibly racist as well. I’m never sure.

What do know now we have this simple but accurate piece of information?

Science has let us down again.

Numbers are racist.

There are far too many people NOT having a wash because they are too busy making cups of tea.

And what should we do with this information?

Well, that’s what the comment section is for.

Have at it folks.

I’m off to make a nice cuppa.


  1. In light of these shocking statistics, I'm off to bathe in a cup of tea. One of those nice pyramid bags might allow the flavours to ruminate around my balls. Then, I shall be able to give the mightiest teabagging the world has ever known.

    1. YEA!... wait... i mean... Nooooooo! hahahahaha

  2. I drink a lot of tea I like tea and I also like to ensure there is enough water in the kettle to make my tea, like your good self Mr H I have solar panels and in this weather they produce a load of power (today 25 kilowatt) and if I want to make loads of tea with loads of water then I will. Statistically tea made using power that you generate yourself and get paid for, makes much better tea. I will not be joining Mr Addman in the bath full of tea though not after he said one lump or two.

    Ooo yes I liked the maths those numbers do make we wonder things like . . . .well who are these 109 women, why 109 it implies that after months of research all they could find are members of staff and a few family friends to do the survey

    Time for a cup of tea me thinks...

    Fight the fight Mr H :)

    1. I did some maths the other and calculated that since we had our solar panel set up we have saved 10,723lbs of CO2.
      its takes around 7gams of CO2 to make one cuppa. therefore I have some proper maths to do and I have the basis for a very dull post over the weekend. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

      Saving the world one cup of tea at a time!

  3. Perhaps that part percentage woman is Bea Arthur.

    How does one waste water by over filling a kettle anyway? Does the water not get used eventually?

    1. Are you in trouble? You that Bea Arthur is our Safety word.

      I think these eco warriors are under the impression that boiling the same water twice kills panda bears or Smurfs or somfink..

  4. NO, Honey! Don't throw out that extra tea water! We're not like THOSE people. We must make an example of ourselves. We aren't tea-dumping savages! Pour the remains in the tub so that we may have some water for a bath later... eventually.

  5. Hello Mr H I was just passing so to speak (type) and thought YO why not say hello so.......

    Hello Mr H,

    Ooooooooo it seemed a bit cooler today but I hear rumour of heat tomorrow, and I suspect the masses will be massing to give you hell over the summer holiday.


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