Shep sat there on the sofa flicking through the channels looking for something to watch. I found myself staring at the screen seeing snippets of faces and bright garish colours flash by with half read words attempting to entice me to borrow money so I can then buy things I can't afford and don't need.
Moments passed. I broke away from the hypnotic trance of the TV and looked at the dog.
The dog looked back.
"You are supposed to grant me wishes." I said.
"YA!" barked the dog.
"Ya?" I questioned. Dog's don't talk, I thought to myself.
"YA. I VILL GRANT YOU YOUR VISHES VONCE I HAVT FINISHED VATCHINK MIEN FAVOURITE SHOW!" he said with his mouth!
"You have a German accent?" Was the only semi-intelligent thing I could think of saying.
"DIZ IZ CORRECT. I AM BE-INK EIN GERMAN DOGG. WHAT ACCENT VOULD YOU ZINK I VOULD HAVE?" he asked.
"I ... ummm..." I was lost for words.
"UNT BY ZE VAY. DO NOT BE CALLINK ME 'SHEP'. ZAT IST NOT MINE NAME." He continued.
I nervously pushed my spectacles back up my nose and asked "Well, what should I call you?"
I couldn't believe I was having this conversation. Here I was talking to my dog like he was a real person.
"YOU CAN CALL ME...." He paused for dramatic effect, which really wasn't necessary as here I was, talking to a dog who was trying to watch a program about people buying houses on the cheap.
"Adolph?!?!" I gulped.
"YA ADOLPH. ZAT IST MIEN NAME. - DUMMKPF!" he barked. (It really was the only way he could talk....)
"As in..." I started to ask, but
"YA. AS IN ADOLPH HITLER. ZE ONE UNT ONLY. I AM ZE REINCARNATION OF THE LEADER OF THE THIRD RIECH UNT I HAVE BEEN BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE AS EIN DOG."
"A dog that can grant wishes?" Something didn't seem quite right about this.
"Something does seem quite right about this." I added as an after thought.
"ZERE IST NO FAIRNESS ABOUT IT. I AM NOT A FAN OF BEINK A DOG YOU KNOW?" Adolph said sadly.
I had no pity for him. This was the man/dog that tried to take over the world and killed millions of people because he lost a testicle.
"VAT IST YOUR VISH IDIOT?" he demanded.
At this point, I snapped.
It was bad enough that this creature had eaten my food and sat on my sofa watching crap TV but for him to be the reincarnation of Hilter... IN MY HOUSE! that was too much. AND I hadn't even thought of a decent wish.
This was turning out to be a terrible day.
"COME ON COME ON!" Hilter barked. "MAKE YOUR VISH!"
Right. I thought. I'll show him!
"Okay." I said. "Here is my wish...."
Hilter looked up, his tail twitching slightly.
"I wish you were dead!"
And then it did.
Adolph the Dog looked up at me with big puppy dog eyes. For a moment I wondered if I should have asked for a billion pounds first and then wished him dead.... yea, I should have done that. Damn that dog!
But I didn't and Adolph Hitler dropped off the sofa and flopped on to the floor and died. But not before he did a little poo on the living room rug.
I hate Adolph Hitler.