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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Saturday, 8 February 2014

Curse of Wednesday

Last week I did a brain fart because nothing much had happened in my life that was worthy of note.

To rectify this the Gods of Creative Writing got together, held open their collective buttocks and strained out a large turd onto my head this Wednesday for the sole purpose that I could write the follow post.

Thanks Gods.....

Wednesday morning started much like any other day over the past couple of weeks.

It was raining and the campers were mithering me with small talk and chit chat. 

I am not, by nature, a creature that is designed to do chit chat or small talk. Nor do I find being friendly an easy exercise, but I muddled through as best I could with non-committal grunts and "yes's" and "uh-hur's" as befitted what ever it was people were attempting to tell me.

then the new postman arrived.

He a jolly chap and about as inoffensive as a postman should be. His efficiency means he only has time to hand me the post say "Morning!" and then go about his business. It is a very enjoyable relationship we have.

This particular Wednesday saw the arrival of a number of packages I had ordered for the wife's birthday. It is not her birthday until mid April, but I wanted to be prepared and ordered a few things to spread the cost.

One such item I ordered is quite large and later in the day I had to find a place to hide it. (I'm not going to say where I hid in case Mrs H is reading this) As I forced the parcel into it's hiding place I lost my footing and hit my face against a shelf.

The result of this, apart from the parcel being well and truly hidden, is that I now have a huge gash on the bridge of my nose. I look a mess.

Later in the day I had just finished making a curry for tea and placed everything on the plates with Naan bread and onion baajis and everything. I bent down to turn off the oven and.... SNAP! the on/off switch came away in my hand!

I managed to turn the cooker off but it now looks like beans on toast from here on in as the cooker is completely screwed! Well done Bumf.

But wait, it doesn't end there.

Just as we finished tea (which was very nice indeed) the power went off. Around 7:30pm the whole site went dark. Even the A road, which can be seen from my window, was blacker than a black bag of coal in a black room as viewed with your eyes shut.

I ventured out in the wind and rain and made sure all the campers were okay and came back inside to light some candles so Mrs H wouldn't be afraid of zombies coming to get her. 

And so we sat in the kitchen playing cards all night.... I lost.

We played a game called SHITHEAD!
shit head by candle light.

It is a fun game to play, or at least it was until I suggested we make it interesting by putting money on the results. Mrs H agreed and two hours later I now have no money, a busted nose and have to buy a new cooker.

All in all, Wednesday's are crap but at least the Gods of Creativity are very VERY good at what they do.


  1. Well at least you lost all your money to Mrs H, I suspect that she would have ended up with all the money anyway so you can console yourself that it was an amusing way to do it rather than just hand it over smiling and saying . . . . . That's OK love I dont need it. . . . . Although it sounds like you do need it for the cooker. I hope your injury heals up soon and I hope Mrs H does not find her present and you remember where you hid it. . . . I have done this in the past and then have not found the present later forcing me to buy another. . . . .

  2. I have spent most of today (my 1st day off in three weeks) fixing the broken knob on the cooker. I'm quite pleased with myself although, having put it back together, I have three screws left over and have no idea where from! This is the sort of thing you expect to see in a daft movie, but it has really happened. If you don't hear from me again and see a massive mushroom cloud you know what I did wrong! hahahahahahaha.


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