About Me

My photo
The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

Solving The Worlds Problems: #3 Relativity.

The Theory of relativity is NOT one of the worlds greatest problems, I know, but it is one that ADDMAN asked me solve for him and the kind of guy who doesn't want anyone to be bottom of the class and look stupid if it ever came up in a pub quiz.

So with that in mind lets sort science out once and for all.

Einstein, That guy who was famous for sticking his tongue out in photos, was not just a crazy clown, but he also helped to invent the nuclear bomb with his equations.

He also made some statements about how space works which was an answer to a question nobody had ever thought of and that makes him wither really clever or a time waster.

One day, whilst letting his tongue hang out of his mouth for no reason, Albert decided to come up with a theory as to why he was always lumbered with sitting next to sweaty weirdo's on the train.

Every night he would leave the lab and head off home on the last train and although the carriage was empty, the first stop always allowed enough time for Jeff the local drunk to get on and start talking to anyone who would listen about how he "Should sober up but refuses because getting shakes reminds him of how unfair his life has been".

Albert knew there had to be a reason for this unfortunate state of affairs and got his note pad out one day and began to write.

After a few nights of scribbles, Albert decided to give up trying to solve the worlds problems and came up with something that appears to be very scientific and clever but ultimately makes no sense.

Here's what he said.

Space is like some kind of rubber sheet with a bowling ball in the middle. Everything is stretched and not a straight line. So if you roll a penny down the sheet, it will pass the bowling ball and fly off in another direction.... therefore you can't travel faster than the speed of light."

He showed it to all the other scientists at the works bash (it was dress down Friday and Dorothy's birthday) and everybody said "Well done Albert. You are the bestest".

He was wrong though.

Part of his theory was that space and time are the same thing. This is rubbish.

Space is the distance between your house and the pizza shop. Time is how long it takes to get delivered (plus or minus a free garlic bread).

Special relativity states thus: 

  1. The laws of physics are the same for all observers in uniform motion relative to one another (principle of relativity).
  2. The speed of light in a vacuum is the same for all observers, regardless of their relative motion or of the motion of the light source."

This is nonsense,

The laws of physics can not be the same for all observers. Things in the distance appear to move slower than things up close.

This called the Doppler effect. A sound changes pitch as it moves toward or away from you, but in the police car, the sound is constant.

This is also the same for viewing the car.

From a distance a moving vehicle seems to be moving slower until it gets closer. As it does, it appears to move faster until it reaches you and then WHOOSH! it is out of you eye line unless you move your head to follow its path. 

The second point become mute when we introduce Rainbows into Einstein's universe.

Rainbows split the light into its various wavelengths. Particles of light at one end of the spectrum travel at differing lengths than those at the other end (this is how we see colours). 
This MUST mean that the individual particles of light (Light has mass and therefore is a physical thing) are moving further at one end of the spectrum than other.
Because they all reach their destination at the same time we must conclude that some light (colours) travel faster than others.

Therefore, at the very least, Light travels faster than light in some circumstances.


But nobody ever thought to sit down and work this out.

The thing is, space is nothing like a rubber sheet.

For a start Rubber sheets are flat and space goes off in all directions. 

Plus things... almost ALL THINGS are not bowling balls (with the exception of bowling balls) and the rest is just gibberish.

We have already shown on this blog how it is possible to travel faster than the speed of light and that's just a solid gold fact.

But Einstein is everywhere and everyone things HE is awesome. Just because he had scruffy hair and stuck his tongue out a lot..... a bit like those oddballs who end up sitting next to me on the train.

The guy he hated seeing on the train was probably just his reflection.

I hope that makes a bit of sense to you all.

If you have a burning question you would like answered. Feel free to ask in the comment section below and I will do my best to figure something out.


  1. Bits of my brain seem to have seeped out through my ears and are now congealing around my ear lobes after reading that Mr H.

    One question that I and the Spawn frequently debate, because A) I have no life, and B) it makes me feel superior to argue with someone much younger and less knowledgeable than I am, is Do paradoxes really exist?

    1. You you have a hard time reading this guff... try writing it! - ahahahahaha

      "Do paradoxes really exist?" Wow. That's a cracker. I was hoping for "Why does toast always land butter side down?" or "Why are all cats dickheads?" but paradoxes... why not.*feels headache starting already*

      I shall look into this for sure! :O)

    2. OOOOoooo now look here you two I am doing paradoxes at present......... If we all start doing then we will be a right old pickle? yes it is a silly saying I like pickles.

  2. First Mr H I read . . . . . .But Einstein is everywhere and everyone things HE is awesome. Just because he had scruffy hair and stuck his tongue out a lot . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN, but at least I am not called Einstein.

    OK I need to say I am (well someone with a mini digger) is digging a huge hole in the garden today and this is very fortuitous a good word and one that makes me look clever. It means I can experiment with this relativity thing in the flesh as it has created something that looks like a rubber sheet that has had a large heavy object dropped in the middle of it. The large heavy object being a mini digger but it is heavier than a bowling ball.

    One slight issue is that I need to go and speak to Chris the Digger and see if relativity is giving him problems, so my response is going to be in bits muck like the various bits moving a different speeds in your theory. I think this shows that your ideas may have some merit. . . . . . I will return later with proof.

    1. Muck is Much . . . a freudian slip (O GOD Freud and Einstein. . . . YICKS)

    2. All experiments should involve a digger in some capacity.
      It's all well and good these clever bods talking about sub atomic particles and Quarks and String theory - none of us can actually see them and we have to take their word for it.
      A digger though.... Well everyone can see a digger from a fir distance (at least the other end of a field) and so loads of people can witness experiments as they happen from a safe distance and see the proof of these outlandish hypothesis for themselves....

      Good look with the digging 0 I hope you find some buried treasure!

    3. The mini digger has now gone and we have a hole with gently curving sides just like that rubber sheet. So I have conducted an experiment based on what you said about wavelength, first I waved from the top of the hole and it was easy. I was seen from a long distance away quite clearly. I then waved from the bottom of the hole, clearly the wave was trapped within the hole as no one could see me waving and it was easier to get into the hole than it was to get out.

      These points clearly show that Mr H is right and Einstein spent too much time sticking his tongue out at mirrors, sitting on trains and bowling. . .

  3. At Christmas tyme there is a Nativity Scene, so I think at Physics tyme there should be a Relativity Seen.

    1. I would sign that petition. But there should also be a '90s Rapper with a giant clock who jumps into view and shouts "IT'S PHYSICS TIME!!!" and that's how you know it starts. It could happen anywhere at any time so everybody has to be on guard and ready to perform some physics 24/7 just in case!

    2. I'm sure it was Einstein who said of small relatives they should be seen but not herd. . . .Something the Shepherds need to remember at the Nativity Scene........

  4. I didn't ask you to explain relativity. I asked you to stop sending naked photos of yourself to my relatives. For the love of God, please stop.

    1. I'm contracted to send those photos (and brass rubbings) until the Direct Debits cease. I don't enjoy it. The requests your clan send me are graphic and disturbing.... but I need the money.


How did this get here?