It's me. Good old Bumf!
Friend to all (except Dave*), master of nothing and the guy everyone points at when the proverbial hits the fan.
I've been away, which explains the lack of posts over the past month or three but now I'm back and guess what?
I'm bloody annoyed.
I had worked out this brilliant post, as my major come back, I was going to write about how dentists are all crooks and my theory that they only insist you need a filling or root canal when they need to put a deposit down for a nice three week holiday in the Caribbean.
There was going to be made up graphs and charts to prove my my made up facts but now, thanks to real life, it's all gone belly up!
I was all ready to put in some REALLY funny pictures and made up quotes that would have won me awards and the accolade of bloggers everywhere when the chuffin' newspapers went and spilt the beans like the phone hacking swines that they are.
So my triumphant return will not be about that.
Then I was going to write about how I was suffering from a very painful ingrowing toe nail, but I managed to rip the bugger out with some very strange looking devices I bought on line... now the swelling has died down now, and my big toe isn't quite as black as it was.... so that seems pointless.
Nor will it be about the long awaited results of my football betting as it appears that FIFA have been playing pass the parcel with brown envelopes of money and I don't need the FBI snooping through my sock draw looking for bungs, bribes and bubblegum.
Sepp Blatter really knows how to wind me up.
Instead I shall save the results for next weeks post.... yea, I'm doing more posts. I am hoping to get back on the ol' blogging horse and she how she rides**.
So between then and now, please feel free to congratulate me on my magnificent return to the world of Thoughtless Gibberish and how much I have been missed and how the days now seem just that little bit brighter and the future appears a little less bleak now that I have decided to stop being such a lazy git and get my writing THANG back on.
In the coming weeks I shall be breaking hearts, promises and wind on a regular basis come Hell or high water***
*I hate Dave
**I'll probably get piles again!
*** please note that in the event of flooding I may not be able to get a wifi signal and shall be sending out posts via courier.