What better way to celebrate my 300th post than by making stuff up?
Here are ten dubious "cut out and keep" facts that you can use in any of those strained silences you may find yourself in, surrounded by idiots at parties/job interviews/being questioned by the police etc...
You are very welcome.
1) Barack Obama has no knees. This is why you never see him going up stairs.
2) Dwarves are genetically disposed to never ever get hiccups. one in seven will suffer from sneezes though.
3) British Airways always lists an extra passenger on each flight called "Mr Prickly-Whiskers". Business class passengers are well aware that one seat is always occupied by a pipe smoking Hedgehog.
4) 5 AAA batteries contain enough Goblin blood to allow one wish of your dreams.
5) All butterflies are left handed.
6) Despite popular belief, Les Dawson is alive and well and working as window cleaner at the O2 arena.
7) No member of the British Royal family has ever seen a belly button.
8) Jaffa cakes were given the freedom of Lincoln in 1987 after a packet of said sundries were attributed to saving the life of Roy "say what you see" Walker in a freak glider incident.
9) None of the pets featured on the BBC's Blue Peter program were real. They are all first examples of high definition CGI. A close look at Shep from the 1970's shows some extra pixels around the ears.
10) Before the invention of garden flower, buttercups, in the mid 1950's, nobody had an answer to the question "Do you like butter?"
So there you have it. Ten very interesting ponderables for you to use next time you are stuck for something to say on a long train journey/first date/funeral speech.