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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Saturday, 21 March 2015

300th Post: Nonsense Special

What better way to celebrate my 300th post than by making stuff up?

Here are ten  dubious "cut out and keep" facts that you can use in any of those strained silences you may find yourself in, surrounded by idiots at parties/job interviews/being questioned by the police etc...

You are very welcome.

1) Barack Obama has no knees. This is why you never see him going up stairs.

2) Dwarves are genetically disposed to never ever get hiccups. one in seven will suffer from sneezes though.

3) British Airways always lists an extra passenger on each flight called "Mr Prickly-Whiskers". Business class passengers are well aware that one seat is always occupied by a pipe smoking Hedgehog.

4) 5 AAA batteries contain enough Goblin blood to allow one wish of your dreams.

5) All butterflies are left handed.

6) Despite popular belief, Les Dawson is alive and well and working as window cleaner at the O2 arena.

7) No member of the British Royal family has ever seen a belly button.

8) Jaffa cakes were given the freedom of Lincoln in 1987 after a packet of said sundries were attributed to saving the life of Roy "say what you see" Walker in a freak glider incident.

9) None of the pets featured on the BBC's Blue Peter program were real. They are all first examples of high definition CGI. A close look at Shep from the 1970's shows some extra pixels around the ears.

10) Before the invention of garden flower, buttercups, in the mid 1950's, nobody had an answer to the question "Do you like butter?"

So there you have it. Ten very interesting ponderables for you to use next time you are stuck for something to say on a long train journey/first date/funeral speech.


  1. I am a bit shocked about Shep. I mean I have only just come to terms with the fact Santa is not real and now you have dropped another bombshell. All I can say is that I am glad I was not at the party where folk were told this or I would have needed to lie down for a while.

    It has been some time since I have conducted the buttercup experiment to check if I like butter (I think I like butter). I wonder if this is purely a British thing I suspect it might be.

    Well done Mr H on reaching the 300th post there was a brief moment when I thought you were going to give up the blog and run off and join the circus as a high wire artist and sword swallower. Maybe now you have reached 300 the temptation to run away and perform triple somersaults high in the air to the Ooooooooo's of the crowd will tempt you again. But remember circus life is not as it appears in the movies where the lion eats everyone and the clowns are all psychopaths with buckets of confetti and large knifes.

    1. The buttercup experiment also works with lighters and matches although it surprising how many people are allergic to flames.
      I wouldn't join the circus as a sword swallower (I struggle with those funny headache pills) but I could do the wire walking... as long it was on the floor.

  2. Those bloody Jaffa Cakes, always encroaching on other people's turf. I bet the Lincoln biscuits were royally peed off that day.

    1. There were riots on the streets of Lincoln that year. It wasn't really reported in the press as everyone was worried about Terry Waite. He had gone hunting wild jaffa cakes in woods round the back of the garages in Beirut and hadn't phoned his mum like he promised.
      He got well done when he finally got home and wasn't allowed to play with his mates for THREE WEEKS! <- true fact.

    2. I knew that about Terry Waite, he often looked for Beetroot behind the garages.


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