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Saturday, 27 February 2016

Europe and Bigger Chicken Eggs.

Now that the weather seems to have calmed down a bit, the good folks of Blighty may be forgiven to think that they nothing to talk about.

But fear not my fellow Brits, thanks to those hard working, honest, diligent (haha)members of parliament are (for once) keeping their promise to offer the public a referendum on whether or not we should stay part of the European Union.

There are those who say we should stay and there are those who say we should go and there appears to be another group who say we should leave but are not the same as the other group who say we should leave.

It's as if the Clash knew all along that this question would one day raise it's head, and are probably set to cash in bucket loads of wonga in repeat fees for their tune as the debate heats up.

But setting aside the frugal naming of classic songs for a moment, let us consider the pro's and cons of being part of the EU.

Unfortunately, at the time of writing, the ground is very thin on facts and truth.

The best I can come with are as follows:

Staying in:

  • Being part of Europe means the cost of wonderful food like baguettes, Danish pastries, German beers, Italian sausage and eating in a Tapas bar will remain at reasonable levels of cost.

  • If we leave Europe the cost of moving the Land mass of the UK into international waters would be astronomical and could result in more flooding and things falling off the sideboard as we rock about on the open waves. Not to mention the amount of shovels we will need to buy in order to shift over to the left a bit (probably to the other side of Ireland

  • Leaving Europe means the average temperature will drop dramatically. Currently Mediterranean countries with more sunshine increase the average temperature of European nations by a good few degrees. Being a stand alone country will mean our average temperature will be much less and that will cause heating bills to go up.

  • Staying in Europe means we will be able to watch more of those brilliant cop drama's where detectives from two nations have to work together to solve a murder that happened right on the border whilst wearing those lovely warm jumpers... love those shows!

  • Staying in Europe means we can still play the Euro lottery. If we leave the EU then all you have left is the shitty UK lottery which is a proper rip off.

Leaving Europe:

  • We will no longer feel the need to eat all that foreign muck like, baguettes, Danish pastries, German beers or Italian sausages in Tapas bars. yukky!

  • The chances of accidentally ordering and consuming snails covered in garlic will be reduced by 75% or more.

  • Nobody will have to suffer the nightmare that is the Eurovision Song Contest.

  • No more shall the people of Britain have to sit through those 137 hour long Danish dramas about a jumper wearing detective who has to solve the murder of a man found on a bridge/in a tunnel/ across some kind of border. You know the one's, where everything is a shade of dullness and nobody smiles and is sad and the word melancholic is etched into your brain for all eternity and how itchy do those jumpers look... grrr.

  • We won't have to share our lottery wins with Jonny Foreigner. Instead, UK gamblers will be able to spend their two pounds on an extra lottery ticket.
SO there you are.

10 perfectly valid reasons to either stay or leave.

You will, no doubt, hear a lot of twaddle and down right lies over the next few months about immigration, terrorism, employment, law making and the economy in general from politicians.

None of them will be telling the truth.

Especially the ones who tell you chickens will lay bigger eggs if we leave/stay.

So the next time you find yourself in a heated conversation about the upcoming referendum, remember this post and share it your friends.

Not only will it save your friendship/marriage/job but it will also help idiots to make up their minds properly.....probably.


  1. Well done Mr H this appears to be the first balanced view of the plus's and minus's of the UK in/out debate. At present I am coming down in favour of voting for out. Mainly because despite all the logical reasons about why we should stay I just can not bring myself to vote the way Mr Cameron says I should. What I am also finding annoying already is that both sides are using scare tactics to say things like folk might not like us or if we stay I will no longer get a decent sized egg.

    As for the eurovision. . . Well just look what us Brits have picked, I have only seem a pic of them and not heard the song yet but surely they cant be our representatives . . . Nil Pont. . . me thinks

    Maybe I'm just old and bitter.

    1. Being old and bitter is the best way to be. Less likely to feel let down. hahaha

  2. Dammit Mr H, your post didn't show up in my reader and now as always, I am late to the proverbial party.
    Well,I was confused before about whether we should leave or stay, but after reading this...er...I'm none the wiser.

    1. Welcome to my world! I keep watching political shows and the more I watch the less chins everybody seems to have.
      I'm not sure if there is a correlation between either side and the lack of lower face, but it is something that requires further investigation....


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