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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Saturday, 5 March 2016

Stop Being Happy

Next time you are out and about, going to work, shopping, running away from the police because you refuse to put on pants (what's wrong with you - put on some pants).... when you find yourself surrounded by other members of the human race, take a little moment to study the faces of the people around you.

Is anybody smiling?

The chances are there will be at least one.

That person is a moron.

There is never a reason to smile or show any other emotion other than contempt and hatred for your fellow humans.

They are all idiots.

Smiling idiots even more so.

A recent study by SCIENTISTS tells us that being happy - even for a moment - is more dangerous than running with scissors.

I have never understood the need to be happy.

I have spent most of my adult life (and a fair portion of my childhood) being miserable.

I am content being fed up and grumpy.

It's great.

Being happy is stupid.

People who smile for no reason, other than witnessing the failures of others, is no way to live.

Nature has spent millions of years evolving creatures that bite, eat, prey, screw each other over and tear apart any other living being that is weaker than itself.

It is the law of things.


Not dog-gives-cat-a-cuddle-because-diddums.

If dogs started cuddling cats or fish began to offer lifestyle advice to giraffes we would be in a right mess.

But people do it.

They go out of their way to "help" and cheer each other up.


Happy people are emotional unstable time bombs completely unprepared for the moment the universe lets them down.

They live their lives by the rule of horoscopes and lucky charms.
They truly believe that being nice to others will somehow create a state of Zen and they in turn will receive good fortune.

Happy people deserve everything they have coming their way.

If you smile at a stranger you are inviting a potential psychopath to rip of your face with their bare hands and use it to take over your life.

Saying "cheer up, it might never happen" is not only a smug and ignorant way to get punched but is also a valid excuse for somebody to kick you in the unmentionables and there is not a court in the land that will defend you.

Being happy, or trying to make others happy,goes against everything that makes sense.

One day you won't be happy and then you will be doubly unhappy because you miss being happy.

Creating a mindset of melancholy encourages a state of balance in life.

Science has now shown us that being happy will cause DEATH.

Miserable buggers, like me, live longer.

Be Happy?

Be somewhere else chum and take your happy clappy self righteous "worst thing happen at sea" bullshit somewhere else.


  1. I quite agree Mr H, that has cheered me up loads . . . . DAMN. No only kidding I think you are so much better off being grumpy and looking at the worse in everything, that way things are always better. Not that, that is a good reason to smile because as we know every dark cloud is full of cold wet rain.

    Well done Mr H I will go and blame the cat now for what ever it is that is wrong

    1. THere's nothing wrong with enjoying things... there would be no point getting out of bed otherwise. But I refuse to acknowledge anybody who is happy about enjoy things.

      I like Spam and egg butties, for example, but it doesn't make me happy.

      If there is one thing to take away from this post, it's that happiness kills.

  2. Mr H all this talk of biscuits vanishing proves you are indeed right.

    1. Imagine how I feel Rob. I don't like being correct, it's makes for an uneasy relationship with reality.

  3. Aww, I think somebody needs a hug. Here, here's a smiley emoji to make you feel better. :)

    1. Change hug to pork pie and smiley emoji to ... another pork pie and you have a deal!


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