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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Saturday, 30 April 2016

TV Ideas For Sale

The following are a list of possible TV detective shows available for sale to producers and TV executives.

Please email at the usual address for prices and availability.

Knife and Fork.

Detectives John Knife and TV Chef Sally Fork solve food related murders whilst attempting to keep their sordid love affair a secret from a very curious Food Critic.

Wynd and Raine.

Dave Wynd, a reformed stalker turned snitch for the old bill, is forced to team up with PC Jeff Raine, a secret paraplegic pickpocket, to find the real culprit behind a series of attacks on window cleaners. They say opposites attract, but will these two former friends be able to reconcile their hatred for each other in order to stop another murder?

Fingers and Thumbs

Bill Fingers is on the run for a crime he did not commit. Tina Thumbs is the FBI agent sent to track him down and bring him to justice.

Bill Fingers is trying find the man who has set him up and leaves a trail of clues for Agent Thumbs to follow in this mind bending thriller.
*please note this title is no longer available*

Head and Shoulders.

When Dean Head was pronounced DOA, his retinas were surgically implanted into the eyes of Chief Inspector Colin Shoulders who is now able to communicate with the ghost of Dean via looking at things.

Together, they solve mysterious crimes in the coastal town of Moss Green.

Tea and Toast.

Timothy Tea is on loan from the Chinese police force and has been partnered with maverick cop Xander Toast. On the hunt for the Mafia Kingpin, these two misfits must work together and sort stuff out and try to keep international relations from boiling over with hilarious consequences.

Coughs and Sneezes.

12 years sober, Hank Coughs has been handcuffed to local sex offender Jake "Sneezes" McTavish and they must stay connected to each other for the next 48 hours or another orphan will be killed on live TV.

Together, they solve riddles and puzzles set by the killer while trying to find out just WHO is responsible!

All these police procedurals are available for script development and/or theatrical production for the "Criminally" low low price of £££'s

Send off for your script NOW and receive a free pamphlet of half thought up running gags, cliff-hanger endings and plot twists*

*limited supply t&c's apply.


  1. I have an script for Bangers and Mash.
    Jim Bangers is the cop skilfully skilled in the skill of Marshal arts. A by the book kinda cop, he is resentful at having to be paired up with the more wisecracking and smart mouthed San Mash. Maybe it's because Sam brings out the side of Jim that is fighting to not be so in control...and also his latent homosexual desires...

    Is your email address still

    1. Damn it.
      You are not supposed to be funnier than me on here!
      Do I come to your blog and be funnier than you?
      No I don't.
      Think twice before posting very amusing comments please Lily.... just tone it down a bit... you make me look even worse than I already am.

  2. You're comments are ALWAYS funnier than my entire posts! Ah, revenge is sweet...a little on the tangy side, some might say tart, but sweet nevertheless.

    Hurry up Mr H, I'm awaiting your review of Captain America's Civil War.

    1. I am going to watch it tomorrow. Mrs H bought the tickets but insists on bringing her friend who actually cried when we saw Batman v Superman.... and not because it was awful.
      I may do a special Six out of Ten review for monday.

    2. Ooooooooo a six out of ten review I love them.

  3. Like the ideas Mr H but like Miss Lily I thought I might add one

    Pen and Paper

    Detective Harry Pen has seen the writing on the wall for years, and was about to leave the Met having run out of steam (sorry ink) when he is teamed up with young Miss Parchment Paper who had made a terrible error on her last big case. Yes she had screwed up badly and thought she was going to get burnt. Pen and Paper make a great team and are able to finally draw a line under organised crime in the local bookies.

    Having a last day today chilling in the chill.

    1. Having a Lazy day today. Stupid qwerty keyboard or fingers or both

      That is brilliant.
      We're going to millionaires!


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