These are just some of the names yelled at old men and scruffy strangers who loiter around school gates at 3:30 every day.
But who are these mysterious men who seem to have a nuance for puppies and bags of sweets?
When did Stranger Danger become a national past time?
And just what makes a grown up want to do things to children?
Bumferry Hogart went out and about World in Action style and found out.
On the 28th of February I tracked down a known registered child molester and arranged a private chat with him.
For obvious reasons he doesn’t want his real name to be used in this report, so from now on we shall simply call him William Davids.
For many years William was known as just another guy in the street. A friend to some and not to others. But William held a secret deep within. He found children exciting.
Not in the same way a dog like kids, or a mental gets giddy at small people, but in a naughty way.
It wasn’t until 2003 until he could register his love of the young legally, that William felt he could hold his head up high and say “I am a dirty pervert”
On the first occasion he did this, William lay unconscious for three days in a hospital bed after receiving what local residents called a “good going over that was long overdue”.
But now William is, in his own words, “living the dream.”
With a new identity, home and background story, William is free to prowl the streets like a mis-informed vigilante taking vengeance on the pre-teens in his local area.
But William sees very little wrong with his lifestyle.
“The way I see it, it’s like chicken pox.” William told me over a coffee at Cafe Nero in Manchester’s Piccadilly.
“When you’re an adult it can really affect you, but as a child it does less harm. In fact doctors say you should get chicken pox as a kid... so there you go.”
It was hard for me to get my head around Williams reasoning but I had to make my excuses and leave after he tried to get me to invest in his new T-shirt Company.
All in all Paedophiles are a bad bunch.
Don’t hang around with them is my advice.
And don’t lend them money either. You won’t get it back.