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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Holiday Report Part Three Of Three

This is the final part of my three part adventure. I am very tired.

It wasn’t long after we had arrived that I realised the UK had gone to pot in my absence. Within 48 hours of my arrival the whole country came to a standstill because of some snow and a newspaper reported that some horse DNA had made its way into some beef burgers and every man woman and child were outraged at Tesco and Aldi.

Why anybody should find themselves surprised that the whole £1 they spent on 24 burgers would contain anything slightly resembling prime cuts of beef and not, as it turns out, 39% “OTHER” including horse bits and newspaper and spit, seems nothing short of astonishing to me.
Shuffleboard - Not for me but will make one for the campsite!

To gain a sense of familiarity with my countrymen I opted for a plate full of goat stew for my tea.

It was bloomin’ lovely let me tell you.

I’m not saying that because I’m one of those people who likes to eat strange food and come across as a pretentious bumhole. I had only just eaten my first ever currant scone a few days before after all.

But Goat stew was actually a very nice tender and tasty meal. It resembles lamb in many ways. And if you think about it, what is a goat anyway but a sheep without a thick jumper on?

I also discovered that HMV had been forced to declare its accounts null and void as I had not been in that weekend and bought a DVD. This infuriated me as I am a holder of one of those HMV cards that you collect points on. I have over 50,000 and had been saving up for a £50 gift card, but there seems very chance of that ever coming to fruition.

Blockbuster has also gone the way of Woolworths and Ourprice, but I’m not really bothered about that because I have not set foot inside a Blockbuster video shop since The Burbs was realised on VHS.

I kept checking the weather back home whever it got too hot to sit in the sun and was forced to sit at the bar and cool down with a cheeky little cocktail called SUNRISE.

They are very VERY nice indeed and come with the Bumferry Hogart SEAL OF APPROVAL.

The recipe can be found below. - but you will have to turn your head sideways because I am unable to correct the pictures (sorry)

But while the sun shone and the Amercians yelped and whooped their way around the pool high fiving each other for no reason at all and I tried my very best NOT to stare at the topless octogenarians that seemed to pop up everywhere my eyes fell, the snow in the UK did finally dispearse and things warmed up a little bit.

Things pretty much recycle over the next ten days and finally come full circle when, on the flight home I ejaculate AGAIN with my milk. I was really trying to be careful but alas, it was not to be. Luckily it was Mrs H was bore the worst of my outburst – HA! That rhymed.

So now I am back home and once I have had a good nights sleep and a proper cup of tea I will be expecting this country of ours to settle down and get a grip and try to get through the year without any more silliness.
This is the last time my shins and knobbly will see daylight for a loooong time!

Anyway. We are home now. And that is the end of that.


  1. Well Mr H it sounds like you had a fairly good time out in the sun which is good because it could be some time before you see the sun again.

    I was gutted about the horse in the beef burgers because I don't eat beef as a rule unless in a position where say you are at a good friend for dinner and have waited three hours to eat only to find beef is on the menu... Anyway after all these years they then say the small amount of beef that was in the mass market burger is not beef anyway; if I'd know that I would have eaten them. Still it is too late now its back to Tesco cow so I will stick with lamb and pork, and I have had goat before abroad and it can be rather good but like the UK in the wrong hands it can end up tasting like a Tesco burger..

    1. Oooo yes Mr H those are the legs of a great blogger . . . . . . . . .HAH HAHAHHAH HAh ahh ah hahhah ah hah ah hah hah h ahah hhaha haha h

    2. I take them with me where ever I go - hahahahahah

  2. I just discovered this blog from Lily's blog and am enjoying it.

    1. Thanks for that. It's not quite upto Lily's standards but I try my best. :O)

  3. Shea you will not be disappointed, Mr Bumferry Hogart is a very funny man indeed. :)

    Mr H, I was going to write something about you needing to get a grip with your ejaculating milk but I thought that comment was probably better left unsaid.
    As for the topless octogenarians, I have the name of a very good therapist if you should ever need one.

    *sniff* Ourprice *weeps gently* Why did you have to go away?

    1. I think I will form a self help group for people who miss proper shops. hmm....


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