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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Thursday, 4 April 2013


It had to happen.

I knew that the future would not be strong enough to hold back destiny forever. 

Today is that day. Today is the day the letter D has fallen on the limp lap of fate and farted.

Today is the day I am forced to talk about …

*fingers hover nervously above the keyboard*


Screw that guy!

I have not spoken to Dave for over a year but he still annoys me.

Sorry. I should start at the beginning.

Everybody knows a Dave. Dave is the kind of guy who arranges a night out with “the lads” and turns up late without any money…yet again.

Dave is the sort of person who claims to have played with the Inspiral Carpets EVEN THOUGH he was only 12 at the time they were around.

Dave is the guy who claims poverty the day after every pay day but still manages to play the latest x-box games even though he is in his mid 30’s.

Dave can only play indoor guitars… whatever they are.

I hate Dave. He’s a friend… in the loosest sense of the term… the sort of person you keep around to remind you of how much worse life COULD be if you forgot to NOT be a pillock.

I could go on but I fear starting a riot and people going round to his house demanding to look at this so-called half painted yellow bedroom.

Everybody knows a Dave…. Unless you don’t know a Dave in which case….. well… um…. You do the math.


Eff you Dave. I know you will never read this, even if you say you will because that's what you are. A Dave. You Dave things. 
Anything left unfinnished = a Dave. 

i hate dave.

EDIT: It is worth pointing out, just in case you think I am being mean, that this is the guy who balked out on a date with a work colleague by taking half a day off and not telling the poor girl, meaning she came back to the office at night, expecting to find him ready for night of fun but instead found the rest of us all working - EXCEPT DAVE who had not bothered to tell her. Her embarrassment was clear and uncalled for. Dave didn't even have the where-with-all to let her know. What a C*UNT.   


  1. Dave is a four letter word. As a fellow acquaintance and help-group member I too know the suffering involved in knowing this particular Dave. We all have our cross to bear they say but what could anyone do to deserve such an albatross. Perhaps Peter, in past lives you were nothing less than Pol Pot and I Hitler... No, that still wouldn't cover it.

  2. Luckily I do not know this Dave of which you talk, but I do know that he must live within a distance that could possibly mean he might one day call at my door and say HELLO I AM DAVE so to avoid this I have removed our house name from the house. Although to tell the truth it is rather old and no one can read it. Still it could be worse Mr H and we could end up with a Dave running the country . . . . . . . . . . . .AH DAMN......

    I suspect that you will not attract any new followers called Dave today . . . .

    1. If Dave ever said he coming to your house, it's safe to assume that he wouldn't actually turn up. That's his style.
      It is important to note, however, that not all people called Dave are daves nor are daves called Dave.

  3. oooohhhh he's a nasty, nasty boy.

    1. You would not believe the kid of things this pathetic excuse for a human gets away with. He is the worst of all of us.

  4. You already know how I feel about Daves, Mr H. It really should be classified as a new expletive.

    God, I bloody hate Dave! :)

  5. Was desperately searching the memory banks for a Dave and to my great relief I found one!
    :D Great post Dave, oh errr sorry whatever your name is :D



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