IT IS ADVISABLE NOT TO READ THIS WHILST HAVING YOUR BREAKFAST,LUNCH,DINNER OR TEA...... may contain nuts! (hahahahahahahaha)
Yea that’s right, you read that title properly. Todays subject is poo.
But there is a very good reason for that.
This morning I had to get up early to greet the sludge lorry who had come to collect the 6000 litres of human waste that the campers leave behind them.
At 7am this morning I found myself holding my breath and plunging a 12 foot long length of wood down, deep down into what I can only describe as the actual pit of human despair.
Using the plank to break through the three inch thick crust of partially solidified digested produce I unwittingly released a vile stench so bad that my eyes stopped working.
It was also very VERY cold this morning. My ears hurt with every whisper of wind that came from the north. My only outlet was to poke my head beneath the hood of the sewage plant lid and allow the warm vapours to …. STOP JUDGING ME IT WAS VERY VERY COLD THIS MORNING.
It took almost an hour for the poo-taking away-man to finish filling his tanker and while he was I made him a nice cup of coffee.
It was whilst making said cuppa I noticed the bin men arrive (it was like Piccadilly circus today!) and empty my bin – as is their job. Their job, however, does not include taking my bin away with them. Which is what they did.
I have had my bin stolen by bin rustlers!
In more ways than one I have had to deal with shit today.
Tomorrow I have to ring the council to negotiate the return of my wheelie bin.
How am I supposed to make THAT conversation work into the letter F?
What verbal word can covey how angry I am?
Hmm….. will have to sleep on that one. Mwa-hahaahahahahahaha.