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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Friday, 5 April 2013



Yea that’s right, you read that title properly.  Todays subject is poo.

But there is a very good reason for that. 

This morning I had to get up early to greet the sludge lorry who had come to collect the 6000 litres of human waste that the campers leave behind them.

Such fun!

At 7am this morning I found myself holding my breath and plunging a 12 foot long length of wood down, deep down into what I can only describe as the actual pit of human despair.

Using the plank to break through the three inch thick crust of partially solidified digested produce I unwittingly released a vile stench so bad that my eyes stopped working.

It was also very VERY cold this morning. My ears hurt with every whisper of wind that came from the north. My only outlet was to poke my head beneath the hood of the sewage plant lid and allow the warm vapours to …. STOP JUDGING ME IT WAS VERY VERY COLD THIS MORNING.

It took almost an hour for the poo-taking away-man to finish filling his tanker and while he was I made him a nice cup of coffee.

It was whilst making said cuppa I noticed the bin men arrive (it was like Piccadilly circus today!) and empty my bin – as is their job. Their job, however, does not include taking my bin away with them. Which is what they did.

I have had my bin stolen by bin rustlers!

In more ways than one I have had to deal with shit today.

Tomorrow I have to ring the council to negotiate the return of my wheelie bin.

How am I supposed to make THAT conversation work into the letter F?

What verbal word can covey how angry I am?

Hmm….. will have to sleep on that one. Mwa-hahaahahahahahaha.


  1. There's a job called the poo-taker-away? How did I not know about this? My career councillor dropped the ball on that one!

    1. Its a right cushy number. You get free cups of tea off your customers and get to use a massive sucking up hose. Free gloves and a wooly hat are included in the perks of the job.

  2. Well Mr H as is the way us humans work, as in we all like to have a little chuckle at the great misfortune of others I have to say I was highly amused by your tale. I really should not laugh after all I spend many a happy hour building a zombie defence trench which in the real world is in fact our new soak-away. It works OK but is still uncovered as the cold weather has brought progress to a halt. So I will be leaping into it (sort of) to lay pipe and rock in water that smells a little like your tanker, once things warm up.

    I think you should tell the campers they need to take all their waste with them in future and that you mean ALL.

    Oooo I am curious as too why the bin men took your bin that's a bit odd

    1. Keep your eye out for tomorrows post in which things shall be revealed in a manner of speaking.
      The poo wagon only comes around every few months so next time should in the summer when its a bit warmer. Of course that means the smell will be worse and the little flies will be everywhere - can't have it all.

  3. You poked your head beneath the hood of the sewage plant lid and allowed the warm vapours to keep you warm...how the hell can I not judge!! But it did make me laugh out loud though.

    Also curious to know why your bins were spirited away. :)

    1. I would like to take this opportunity to state quite categorically that I did not inhale!

  4. hahah another hilarous post!
    I love when truth drives us demented :D



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