So Matt Smith has given up being Doctor Who.
The question on everybody's lips is "Who will be the next man to enter the TARDIS?"
The answer can be exclusively revealed here on TG.
The new Doctor is......
That’s right. Bumferry Hogart is going to be the next Doctor.
You heard it here first (unless you follow me on twitter cos I said there first)
I’m going to be a brilliant doctor.
I’ve my sidekick lined up and everything.
Here he is….
|Jim is the one on the right.|
He is called Jim.
I will keep in on the end of a stick, but that wont stop him getting into all sorts of intergalactic trouble every week.
There will be a few differences on my version of the show.
First up, the TARDIS.
The TARDIS will look quite different.
Due to cut backs (because my salary is astronomical – pun intended) the special effects crew will have to work with what they can find in scrap yards…. Like they do already.
Here is the new TARDIS…
|The new look TARDIS|
In a change to the normal show, the new TARDIS will be smaller on the inside than it is on the outside. It has a toilet and a little oven though.
I will be insisting that the name be changed to Doctor Whom, so that it is grammatically correct.
Also, due to cut backs, all alien worlds will look exactly like a field somewhere in Shropshire and all the aliens will look like the sort of people who go caravanning.
The Daleks will have a new look and to the untrained eye might resemble a 6kg butane gas cylinder and from a distance the Cybermen will look a little bit like my postman.
Most of the episodes will involve me teaching Jim how to use a tin opener or helping him with his colouring in.
There may or many not gratuitous full frontal ham fisted acting... if you are lucky.
I know it doesn’t sound much on paper, but trust me (and the BBC) it’ll blow your flipping socks off.
All together now:
DIDDLEY-DUM DIDDLEY-DUM DIDDLEY-DUM DIDDLEY-DIDDLEY DIDDLEY-DUM DIDDLEY-DUM DIDDLEY-DUM OOO-EEE-OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO-EEE-OOOOO…..ETC.