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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Saturday, 1 November 2014

10 Perfectly Valid Reasons To Hate Cows.

I hate cows.

This is fact that I have only told a select few through the years for fear of being ridiculed for my madness, but now I feel the world at large needs to know that these bovine creatures are not to be trusted under any circumstances.

So why do I distrust these animals that give us milk, burgers, leather shoes and steaks?

Here is a handy "cut-out-and-keep" guide to see for yourself.

1      Most cows are black and white. As most Herbivores tend to blend in with their natural surrounds   What sort of camouflage is that? The only conclusion is that cows should live near snowy coal mines.... BIT ODD THAT.

     They sleep standing up.  Sleeping is a form of relaxation, that’s why we sleep lying down, but not cows.  They think it is much better to do it standing... just like when they are awake. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

     They lie down when it rains.  When it rains I try to stand under a tree, or even better GO INSIDE! but your everyday cow simply gives up and has a lie down... idiots!

4      They have four stomachs. That's right FOUR. Why is this?  They only eat grass.  This is just pure greed.  Horses eat grass as do sheep and goats.  Between them they only have 3 stomachs.  Why do cows have 4! Even if you glued a horse a goat and asheep together they would still have less stomachs than one cow. Things are starting to weird!

5      Cows are just lazy horses and you can't prove otherwise.

6      The only good cow I ever saw was lying on plate with chip and brown sauce.

7      Communication between cows doesn’t exist.  When a cow goes MOO no other cow gives any notice.  So why do they do it? I think they are talking about me.... They ARE talking about me... they know that I know!

8      Cows poo everywhere, and then they eat the grass next to that same pile of muck. That's just vile. There's no need for it. NO NEED AT ALL!

9      Next time you pass a field that has cows in it, take a look at how they are stood. They all face the same direction. If one is standing, they are all standing. It's almost as if they are an army... just waiting for orders to attack. AAARRRGGHH..

9a)   As a side note - there is always one cow that stares at me.... not the same one ( I'm not MAD) but there it is... looking, looking.....always looking.

10    And as a final thought.  Apart from humans the most popular creature on this planet to be abducted by aliens is the cow.

        Personally, I think Cows are aliens from another dimension and are here plotting their eventual conquer of our planet.

        They create tons of methane with their farts, that is a cause of global warming. They were also the main cause of Mad Cow Disease as well.
        That was just one in a very long list of attempts to swipe control from us Humans.

        I wonder what will be their next MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooove.



  1. A well thought out theory Mr H and one that has a lot going for it. I often notice all the cows pointing in the same direction and when I pop in to get my camera and return one or two of them deliberately turn round. As we live next to a dairy farm, Ok its over the road and up the hill, but the fields are directly next to us, every Autumn the cows vanish from the fields. Are they travelling South for the winter. this could only be done using spacecraft because if they walked folk would notice, this supports the idea they are aliens. Even when they are in the fields I can wake up in the morning and find they have all moved from one field to another and are standing as if nothing has happened, that is not the act of any rational creature I have come across.

    They are also working on destroying the economy, the wholesale price of milk is so low now due to a glut of milk on the world market most farmers are losing money. Why would cows carry on producing more milk than man or cow could possibly need unless they are trying to destroy our way of life. And finally last year in the summer they seemed dead keen on destroying the hedge between me and them, this could only be due to them being able to read your mind and were trying to stop me supporting your idea, which would make you look entirely mad.

    1. They are horrible things close up as well. All veins and bug out eyes. It's as if I find myself caught up in staring competition with a stressed out Marty Feldman who just happens to be dressed as a cow.
      It really does freak me out.

  2. Well, after reading that post and then reading Mr Z's comment, I can only conclude that the two of you are in need of some serious long term therapy.
    Now if you were talking about Rabbits, then I'd fully understand. These creatures not only look as though Satan lives in their eyes, but those demonic bunny teeth, obviously secret hidden venom.

    Loving those last two pics.

    1. I am plagued by rabbits on the site. Millions of the vermin everywhere, but the do lack the intelligence of cows. I have no fear of rabbits and have even skinned, de-gutted and ate one of the buggers over a roaring fire - it was pretty tasty as well.
      Rabbits smell a lot worse than Cows do though.
      Not sure about Therapy, But I do think there is something in the water around here that makes people go a bit.... "Blogger" hahahahahahahahaha..........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

      I'l stop now.

    2. Hey I'm OK with Rabbits they are smaller than me for one thing and domestic ones trust humans (idiots) and wild ones runaway. I had my brain tested once and the doctor said the results were exactly what he was expecting. . . .


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