About Me

My photo
The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Sunday, 25 January 2015

A Simple Guide on How (not) To Make £££'s

Imagine, if you will, a man sat on his own minding his own business doing no harm to anyone.

He looks almost normal.

He has glasses on his nose and knobbly knees on his legs (although they are covered by trousers!)

That man is me.

Now imagine that I am punching myself in the side of my head repeatedly.

Over and over and over again. Thump! Thump! Thump!

That's me that is.

Or at least, that is how I feel when I look at the state of my year long project of betting on the football.

For New readers (and anyone who has forgotton) every year I set myself the challenge of making profit by betting on the English Premiership football games.

Last year I made around 3.5% profit, which is about the same as I make with my saving account. The challenge is to increase that amount and BEAT THE BOOKIE.

The rules are as follows:

  • A bet of 20 pence for each league game for Manchester United, Manchester City, Chelsea, Liverpool and Arsenal to win.

  • Where one of the above teams plays one of the others in the list the bet is placed on the HOME team to win.

The league is just over the half way mark and my results are not all that healthy to be honest.

Being the kind of nerd who loves statistics here is a list of just how badly I am doing and just why I am forced to punch myself in the head each and every weekend due to my own stupidity.

99 games played so far:
WIN: 59
DRAW: 24
LOSS: 18

Actual total spent: £18.40
Total Spent: £19.80

Potential total winnings: £33.05
Total Profit: -£1.40


As you can see I am not doing well at all. Although it could be worse... a LOT worse.

Some of the games have been close, some have caused me to pull my hair out in clumps and shout at the TV when watching games (Mrs H has now forced me to watch TV in the kitchen, because the dog is now a nervous wreck).

There is still a chance I can make profit this year, but it's not looking good.

This is the reason why I only bet the tiny amount of 20p.

Gambling is only fun when it doesn't effect your bank account.

I have been very lucky in the past and am currently using profit made from previous years and am using the bookies own money to keep me occupied.

I'm not totally daft!

So remember, I am a professional idiot and only do this sort of thing so you don't have to. Gambling is for idiots and ultimately - the bookie always wins!

NEXT WEEK: Yet another problem caused by my own stupidity....yay!


  1. You do remarkably well Mr H do not be down hearted. You need to ask one question to know you are doing well and that is . . . . . . Do the local betting shops like you, do they smile and roll out a red carpet and offer you a cup of tea. . . . I suspect the answer is NO, as they realize you are not a serious gambler willing to risk house, the dog, your wife and a life on a park bench seeking that huge win that will solve everything after which you will never gamble again. You see you just enjoy a bit of a flutter for the hell of it knowing at the end of the day the odds are stacked against you, particularly as you have picked a couple of dodgy teams.

    Hang in there Mr H and have a good shout at the tele as Man U loose to Accrington Stanley at home 7-1

    1. I've not set foot in a bookmakers for many a year. I do it all on line like one of those hackers! I don't worry about losing as I am playing with the bookies money.
      I took all my profits out the other year and have been using the same £10 or so to my head above water so any losses I have are really just them collecting their monies back.

      One day I shall either be a millionaire or I will be forced to put another £10 of my own hard earned cash back in... and that day will see a new chapter of sleepless nights and fretting begin anew!

  2. I thought £33.05, that's not bad...and then I saw the total profit.
    Don't you think Mr H, that it's time to do something less stressful, like bungee jumping, or bull fighting?

    1. There's still plenty of time to go before the end of the season and there is every chance I can turn it around.. In unrelated news, do you know anyone willing to pay cash for one of my kidneys? It's not in the best of shape but can be easily converted into a plush toy for kids who don't know any better....


How did this get here?