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Sunday, 19 July 2015

A History of Hogarts (part three)

In our continuing trawl through time, searching the nooks and crannies of history for note worthy members that cling to the Hogart family tree like rotten fruit, we take time to remember one of our true heroines....

Formaldehyde Hogart was instrumental in the women's movement during the early 20th century.

Of particular note was the strange events leading to her death in 1913.

Formaldehyde (or Heidi to her friends) was a very angry woman. It has never been easy being a Hogart and having the misfortune of being a woman (it was okay to say things like that back then), made life even worse.

Mother of 8 children, Heidi lost her husband in a very unusual game of dominoes during one damp and grey night in the local pub "The Mewling Quim".
Being a gambling woman she not only lost her husband but had gained 8 children by "playing the odds" with contraception.

Having to bring up 8 snot faced, malnourished smell makers was never going to be easy but Heidi soon found that by simply ignoring them allowed her progeny to become self sufficient and gave more drinking time.

During one of her more sober moments, Heidi got talking to a friend who told about the Suffragette movement and women's rights.

Heidi thought this would be a great way to use up some of her home made placards she had spent the past year making for no reason whatsoever.

Over the coming weeks Heidi joined discussions and protests throughout the region.

Although the overwhelming majority of people involved were looking forward to a time when women would be treated as equals in society, Heidi just wanted a night out with a chance of a pie, a pint and bloody good fight.

On one of her more boisterous occasions, Heidi dared a fellow suffragette to head-butt the Kings horse at the Epsom derby.

It later turned out that Heidi had placed a bet on a 35/1 outsider who was being held up and having placed her whole life savings (and the movements petty cash) on the horse, Heidi knew of no other way than throwing the whole race in order to void her bet and get the money back.

It on her way to collect her stake from the bookmaker that a rather large coconut appeared from nowhere and killed Heidi instantly.

To this day there is no mention of Formaldehyde Hogart in any official book about the women's movement.



  1. Formaldehyde sounds like she was already equal, but a bit of a risk taker on the odds. When you say lost her husband in a game of dominoes, do you mean as in . . . O DEAR HE HAS DIED. . . . or as in DAMN I knew you must have had the double six, OK then he is all yours.

    Its a strange affair all this Coconut stuff . . . . . . I wonder if its some sort of mad Bounty Hunter. . . . . . HAHAHAH HAHAh ahahahahha ha ha ha h aha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah a ha ha ha ha ha h aha ha ha ha

    1. She a terrible gambler. Lost it all she did.
      As for the coconuts there is a theme forming isn't there.... I wonder how it will all end?

      "Bounty hunter!" - wish I'd thought of that! hahaha.

  2. Where the bloody hell are all these coconuts falling from??
    Well it looks like the apple didn't fall far from the tree, in terms of being crap at gambling...unlike the sodding coconut.

    1. Funnily enough the Latin phrase "Ubi infernum sanguinum ista omnia cocos decidentes" is my lot sing when we all get together and do the Okie-Kokie.

      Never thought about until today.... it just gets weirder and weirder. Answers are coming. I'm sure one of my relatives will have had some success in finding why coconuts have issues with our heads.


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