Saturday, 9 April 2016
From DOGLUMPS to BROCCOLI
None of what you read here is meant to be a moan or a grumble.
It is, though, completely true and should be viewed as a brief glimpse into my daily life and how if differs from many other people.
Some of the words which are in CAPITALS have been chosen by Twitter followers and I would like to thank @PrincessBagel, @Olliethepigeon and @Rob_Z_Tobor for their suggestions.... you weirdos!
Using nothing but these suggested words as inspiration I have written what ever comes into my head. It appears my imagination has failed me.
As you read this (assuming you are reading this on the same day it has been published - 9th or April) I am not here.
I am in fact, out!
I am either shopping with the wife (am) or out drinking and eating (pm).
For most people this would not be blog worthy, but long time readers will know that my life is not the same as many others.
Working from home in the holiday industry means that your relaxing time is my work time.
Bank holidays, weekends and any day that makes you think "Ooh, let's have a barbecue!" is a day where I say... "Blimey, look how many people are coming today. Crumbs!"... or words to that effect.
holiday makers are great for the most part. But they do tend to forget a few things when on holiday.
Things like cleanliness for example.
It's bad enough having to pick up DOGLUMPS that bad dog owners fail to pick up, but what I find in the bins would astonish the most hardened of cynics.
I could write an encyclopaedia on the things I have found in the bins.
From TV's to slippers and shoes, whole tents, THERMAL VESTS and once, an entire kitchens worth of pans, kettles, cups and plates.
That's not to mention the amount of food waste I witness on a daily basis.
Banana's seem to be very popular in the winter months for some reason, but I do recall a spate of FROZEN PIZZA's being tossed away. They had not even been opened and were still in date.
I didn't eat them though. That would be wrong.
I can often be found cleaning muck from the sides of toilets, separating the recycling from non-recyclable rubbish like some kind of COCKWOMBLE (not sure what a cockwomble is, but I'm sticking to that definition)
When not cleaning up after scruffy types I am often digging or filling bits of the ground.
Rabbit holes seem to be the main time suck.
There are millions of the critters living in the woods around me and those LUCKY RABBITS FEET do an awful lot of damage and I do not consider them to be lucky for my back AT ALL!
After all the rain we have had I have spent many afternoons filling in POTHOLES created by the rain water washing away the roads around the site... which is back breaking and causes me to get a sweat on, like a commoner!
All of this work should leave me in a physical state of pure manliness but alas it does not.
I have a very peculiar metabolism.
I have tried diets and smoothies and eating well... including a ton of BROCCOLI, but I can never quite get rid of my middle aged spread which seems to have arrived a few years early.
I am attempting to try and exercise in order to loose a little of belly, but every time I attempt to get fir I usually end up breaking furniture for some reason.
By the time you have read this I will have had a chippy tea as our chippy man will have been and I get mine for free!