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The words are all mine, most of the pictures are not. Some of the words are not mine either.

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-pt pt pt zzzzzzz.

Hello and sorry.

It’s been exactly two weeks since my last post.

It has been two weeks since you last had to endure the continuing spiral of despair that is my blog.
The irrelevant and off-kilter randomness and general downright self inflicted anger at the universe has caused my laptop, and life in general, to take a little side step in the goings on in my world.
Nothing’s wrong though. Don’t worry. I’m not dying. (that I know of....)

What with the bank holiday, which kept me very busy, Mrs H having yet another birthday (I’m sure she had only last year!) and visits from friends and family over the past few weeks I have not really had the chance to sit still long enough to get fed up at things.

Fear not – I am still fed up with the world.

But as busy as I have been, that is no excuse.

So here is my excuse....

It’s my laptop.

I believe the technical term for the issues I am suffering from is called Onitsarse.

Onitsarse can be a severe mechanical breakdown of thingys and whatsits.

When the thingys that controls the doo-dahs are not correctly aligned the specific 

Whatdoyoucall’ems become overheated and create a paradox or paradigm or parallelogram.

There are two specific parts known as Whatdoesthisthingdo. One of them is missing and the other is so coated in dust I dare not touch it for fear of it simply evaporating like an ancient parchment.

The bearded chap in the computer shop laughed at me when I explained the problem and so I walked out.

Moreover than this, the physical problems that continue to exasperate themselves in terms of hardware now make impossible for me to be on the computer for more than 15 minutes at a time. This is mainly due to the dirty looks I get from Mrs H who can’t watch her cooking/murder/vampire shows over the constant rattle of the fan or me swearing at the screen because of the fire hazard that sits on my lap.

So there you go. That’s my excuse. It’s a piss poor one I know. But it’s the best you’re going to get.... until I raid the piggy bank and buy a new pc.

The chances are I won’t be able to post over the next week or two either, which is a shame because there are more TV camera crews due next week and more excitingly than that – We have a new supplier of local ice creams and they really are flipping stunning.

Oh yes, and I’m popping back OOP NORTH for a couple of days for my birthday to meet up with friends.

I’m now turning the laptop off to give it chance to cool down and rub some cream on my legs.

Carry on the good work without me – I’ll only slow you down.




  1. Carry on without you, I don't think so Mr H, you are one of the team. Although we will let you off with a bit of a rest. A hot laptop does not sound good, is it into doing updates and stuff sometimes that will set the fan off.

    I stick with an old PC that was chucked out of a college a long time ago for being too ancient and out of date. But it works fine, my problem if the keyboard and my hands are not compatible I think it is because I am left handed.

    OK I'm Babbling sorry about that, just make sure you come back soon this is one of my favourite blogs

  2. I second what Mr Z says! The blogosphere seems incomplete without you.

    There are tons of bloggers that I love but only a handful that I love AND cherish and you Mr H, are one of them!

    So you come back soon, ya hear!

  3. Damn right! I second what Rob and Lily said, you're part of a unique Blogging team. We're like Marvel's Avengers, only without superpowers, or any discernible talents other than making people laugh online.

    Also, I don't think any of us turn into a big, green, hulk-like monster, no matter how much Green Giant sweetcorn we eat.

  4. You've got one too, but it's your duty to remind her that she'll always be well ahead.


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